AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Skylar gasped. She immediately lifted herself to her knees, dropped Julian’s hand, and threw her arms around him, pressing herself between his splayed legs and plastering herself against him.
“Julian,” she wailed. “Julian!” It was all she could say. His name. And then she was crying.
He’d been raped. When he’d been fourteen years old.
“Shh,” he said, cupping the back of her head. “I’m okay, baby. It didn’t destroy me. I’m here, and I’m okay.”
She pulled back and felt the tears rolling down her face. “You’re not okay! You—you—” She almost said he’d become an escort, but she didn’t want to imply that he’d gotten into that line of work because he’d been damaged and for no other reason. She didn’t want to imply in any way that years after what was done with him, he’d still been victimized. But in her heart, that was what she did believe.
“It’s okay,” he said with a small smile. “You can say it. I became an escort. I also closed myself off from the possibility of any meaningful relationships. Because I didn’t trust anyone not to hurt me. Not to take advantage of me. But it’s more complicated than that.”
She put her hand on his thigh, caressing him in soothing circles. “How?”
“I was moved the minute I told my social worker about it. I never tried to find out if the woman was arrested or prosecuted. I tried to put it all behind me. Norah’s family was great. They got me into therapy. But then . . . ”
“Then you had to move.”
“I’d just turned sixteen.”
“Did you not like your new foster family?”
He paused, looking out into the distance. “I got placed with a couple, but the husband left his wife after I was there for a couple of weeks. A few months later, she came home late from work and started crying. I tried comforting her, but she took it the wrong way. She started kissing me. One thing led to another, and we ended up fucking. I lost my virginity to her.”
“Oh, my god!”
He shook his head. “No, it’s okay.”
“How was that okay? You were sexually assaulted. Again.”
“I didn’t look at it that way. Diana was just so lonely. After the first time, we started fucking on a regular basis. She made a point of telling me that being with her like that was my choice. It wasn’t just about the sex, though. She needed a companion. Someone to make her feel less afraid of how her life was falling down around her. I liked giving her what she needed. And I liked sex. We’d sleep together, and she’d find comfort in that. So would I.”
Skylar’s heart was breaking.
“I eventually realized it was wrong. What we were doing. But at the time, she was all I had. I stayed with her until I left for Princeton.”
And then he’d become an escort, gravitating to women who needed to feel desired or, in Margaux’s case, one who needed someone to help her shoulder the pain of her grief at losing her husband.
Oh Julian, my sweet, sweet Julian. What can I say to ease your pain? To convince you that love doesn’t come with strings. That you don’t need to reduce yourself to a sexual object to be safe or help others or earn affection or love.
You just need to be you.
“You told me once that I’m enough. Just as I am. Regardless of whether I can orgasm or not.”
“It’s true.”
“Can’t you see that you’re enough, too?”
“Even after what I’ve told you?”
“Yes, Julian. Yes!”
He took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, “I never reported Diana. Even when I was an adult and knew better. It was all twisted in my mind. What she needed, what I needed. And how she was the only one for so long who seemed to care about me.”
She wanted to tell him he should have reported Diana. That what that woman did to him was wrong. Very, very wrong. That he was abused. Preyed upon. But that’s not what he needed right now. Maybe never.
Skylar leaned forward until her forehead was pressed against Julian’s. “You called me a warrior, but that’s exactly what you are, Julian. You survived war repeatedly, and then you picked yourself up, and you made something of yourself. Not just something, but something momentous. Not because of what you suffered but despite it. And I’m so glad. I’m so glad you survived. That you thrived. And that you’re here with me right now. If I had my way, you’d stay with me forever.”
* * *
