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And when it reached the far edges of the universe, she smiled at him. “I know. I love you, too. And I always will, Julian Bauer. Always.”
62
Skylar luxuriated in the sensation of being in Julian’s arms. She’d been here before, but this time it felt different as if every bit of tension had slipped away from her body and she was floating in ether. Floating on love.
He loves me.
And I love him.
She’d never stop.
But she’d also never stop feeling bad about what she’d said to him the evening she saw the envelope in his possession.
She stirred, and Julian immediately gathered her more tightly in his arms.
“I felt you tense. What is it, love?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. Your body doesn’t lie.” He lightly kissed her ear. “It’s okay, Skylar. We love each other. And that means we trust each other. So just tell me. Let it out.”
Skylar sucked in a deep breath. “It’s about that night. When I didn’t believe you about the report in the envelope. I’m so, so sorry for all the things I said. I lashed out in anger and stabbed you where I knew you were most vulnerable. If I could take those words back, I would, but I can’t, so all I can do is tell you how utterly sorry I am.”
Julian was quiet for a moment, then said, “I didn’t lie to you when I said I hadn’t read the report and that I never intended to write a story about you, but I should never have had my private investigator look into your past.”
“That doesn’t justify what I said.”
“No, but it does prove we’re as infallible as anyone else. There will be plenty of things we’ll need to apologize for in the future, and I hope in all those cases, we’ll each be granted forgiveness. But we’re on the other side now. Let’s stay there.”
“The other side?”
He stiffened.
She shifted, rolling until she could see his eyes. “What is it?”
He hesitated, then said, “The other side. It’s what someone told me once. ’The other side of grief. The other side of fear. Theother side—where the pain of the past no longer holds us back and the pain of the present, the pain of giving up what is just out of our reach, motivates us to fight for what we want. In her case, another love. In my case, my first love.You.”
Skylar let the beautiful words sink into her. Every last one. But he was obviously quoting someone who’d shared those words with him. And maybe it was because of how profound the words were, but Skylar had a feeling . . . “Margaux,” she said.
“Margaux,” he confirmed. “Princess, I need to tell you something—”
She shook her head. “It’s okay, Julian. I’m not going to pry or—”
He slid a finger across her lips, shushing her. “I want to tell you. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I want to do this right. May I?”
She nodded, and he lowered his finger only to brush her mouth with his. It was a sweet close-mouthed kiss, but she felt the way he was drawing strength from it, maybe even imparting strength to her, before he pulled away and took a deep breath.
“It started in college. I needed the money. It was before I became wealthy, and while I had a great scholarship, Princeton was expensive. I thought, why the hell not? It didn’t begin with sex for hire but merely escorting my clients to functions, weddings, and that kind of thing. I did that for almost a year before one of the clients asked for more. She was a virgin, about to agree to an arranged marriage. It would be a good match, but she didn’t love her future husband, nor was she attracted to him, given he was forty years older. She offered to pay me to sleep with her. I liked her and was attracted to her, so I did. And even though I never saw her again, I was intrigued by what happened, how I liked helping her, how much money I’d earned. I heard about a high-end escort service with clients that were very wealthy and very discreet. Some wanted a date for an event. Some just wanted to be listened to. Others wanted to be fucked. I know many don’t agree, but in my mind, I didn’t feel bad providing any of those things. Hell, call it justification or a kink or whatever, but to me, it was more about giving someone not just pleasure but comfort, attention, and affection, and I already knew I was good at it.
He was talking about the foster mother who’d slept with him when he was sixteen.
He paused, and when she didn’t speak, he said, “Say something. Please.”
Skylar was trying hard to not let her insecurities run away with her. In the end, it was easier than she’d expected. She smiled. “Youarea good listener, that’s for sure.”
He cocked a brow. “That’s what you’re going with?”
She nodded. “Yes. I believe you— that it wasn’t just about the sex or the money for you, Julian. In some way or another, I think you probably cared for every client you were with. Or, at the very least, you always treated them with care. How did you meet Margaux?” she said, bringing them full circle.
