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His little throat works, swallowing what looks like a lump, and he bravely asks, “If I have two mommies, I also have two daddies, right?”
Carra gasps quietly next to me, and tears gather in her eyes.
My mouth is dry, but I force myself to answer. “That’s right.”
He raises his chin, sets his jaw, and I can see he is gearing up for the next question. Carra’s hand comes to my shoulder, and she squeezes it, giving me the strength I need to get through this final stretch.
His eyes bore into mine, searching my soul. His fists closed at his sides, he whispers, “Are you my daddy?”
One of Carra’s tears lands on my shoulder as I look at my beautiful son’s face, and answer proudly, “I am.”
He nods, and his eyes go to his feet again. I can’t stand the distance, the loss of connection. I put my hand on his shoulder. “What is it, kiddo?”
“If you are my daddy,” his voice is shaking and tears are forming in his eyes, “where have you been? Did I do something to send you away before?”
My heart rips open with each word. I can only shake my head as tears clog my throat and flood my eyes. Carra is silently weeping beside me, her hand clutching my shoulder now.
“I’m sorry, daddy. Please don’t leave me again. I’ll be good, I promise. I love you.” I pull him to me and hug him hard.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here. I’m sorry, I love you so much. I’m sorry...” I say over and over again. Carra falls to her knees and hugs us both. She is sobbing now too.
When we finally calm down, I tell Finn, “I’ll never leave you again. I promise. I never wanted to leave before, but I had to go away to take care of some bad guys. Now I’m back and I’m never going away again. Can you forgive me?”
Finn looks between me and Carra. His eyes finally land on me, and he smiles tentatively. “You’re my daddy and you love me?” I smile at him and nod.
“That’s right. I love you very much, son.”
“And you’re not leaving?”
I laugh, a teary sobbing sound.
“No, buddy. Never again. You get to be with Momma Nikki and Daddy Marcus, and you get go be with us, you can spend time with all of us. How does that sound?”
“And do I get to ride in your fast car too?”
“Whenever you want.” Carra and I are laughing together now.
“Daddy?” I think my heart will burst with joy and pride as he calls me that for the first time.
It takes all my strength to push the words out. “Yes, son?”
“Can we get some pizza now? I’m hungry.”
I burst out laughing. I really love this kid.
“Sure, kiddo, let’s go.” I hold out one hand to him and one to Carra, and as we turn to walk inside, Nikki and Marcus are watching us from the door, a shy smile on their faces.
“Mommy, daddy, Kieran is my daddy too.” Finn runs to them to give them the news, and they play their parts.
“He is? Wow. How do you feel about that, baby?”
“It’s cool, he didn’t know about me, but now he’s not leaving.” His smile is blinding. “And now we are going inside for pizza. I’m hungry.”
We look at each other and the relief is felt all around. The truth is finally out and nothing has to change.
There is only one more hurdle in the way, and it will come soon enough, but for now, I’ll enjoy a dinner of pizza and chocolate chip cookies for dessert with the woman I love, my amazing son, and this extended family that I’m now blessed with.
I’m taking this reprieve, because the clock is ticking, and it slows for no man.
