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Caleb sat here, looking at me with concern. “Something the matter?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry for getting upset, Caleb. It’s just . . . I haven’t ever . . . done it before.”
It was probably a little pathetic that I was a virgin, but he nodded.
“Shit, I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry. But . . . it’s not just that,” I said.
He looked at me with a slight concern. “What else is it, then? If you don’t mind me asking.”
How the fuck did I put this nicely? It was not like I was used to talking about this with him. And well, I thought I’d be over it, considering that it was so long ago.
But then, I sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I tensed up because it reminded me . . .”
“Reminded you of what?”
I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to approach this. How did you put something like this nicely? Scream it out loud and hope to God that he accepts my words? Or just lie?
I couldn’t lie to him, not after all he’s done for me. So, with a deep breath, I sighed, looking at Caleb as I told the truth, and told him about how I really felt.
“It’s because . . . it reminded me of him. Of David.”
Chapter 9: Caleb
Wait,didshereallybring up David at a time like this?
I pulled back, looking her dead in the eyes as she said this.
“Wait, you’re not serious, right?”
“I’m sorry, Caleb. I’ve just . . . I haven’t really been intimate with anyone since him, and I’ve struggled to overcome the problems that I’ve had in the past with him.”
I pursed my lips, nodding in agreement. “I see.”
I thought that Tina was different and would finally overcome the trauma, but whatever David did to her messed her up. I slunk back, sitting on the hay bales, sighing. I put my head in my hands, rubbing my temples as I tried to figure out what to say.
“You’re not mad at me . . . right?” she said.
I shrugged. “I don’t know how to feel right now, Tina. I thought you got over him forever ago.”
“Well, sorry for not getting over the one guy that broke my heart,” she snapped.
I tensed. I wanted her to get over this.
“I just thought, given that happened a decade ago, you’d get over it. That’s all.”
She tensed as she looked at me. “It’s not like I can just turn off how I feel, and the fact that you think I can is kind of fucked, not going to lie.”
I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. It just bothered me that she saw things that way. I wanted Tina to get over her past so we could have a normal relationship.
Clearly, I was asking for way too much crap, and even just mentioning that moving back was a stupid idea. “Sorry.”
Tina sighed. “I don’t hate you, Caleb. I really don’t. In fact, I had a wonderful time tonight. I just . . . I need to take some time and get over this, you know,” she said.
“Right, I get it. You’re not comfy with the idea of us yet,” I told her.
“That’s not it! Well . . . maybe it is, but intimacy like that is a huge step. It’d be my first time, too,” she explained.
