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“I still wonder if this is a good idea, if what we’re doing is just making this more difficult for each other. I mean, what happened? Even yesterday…does it really change anything? Seriously? I don’t know that it does, Nick.”
“How the fuck can you say that?” He combed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head slowly at me as he looked upon me. “There is something here. That never went away. And I want to see where it goes.”
I gazed down at my toes, liking the way the dark nail polish I’d used on them caught the light. “Sex was never the issue, and you know this. What we did…yesterday…doesn’t fix what’s broken. I don’t think…I don’t think anything can.”
“If you really believed that, then you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You’d have already called it off. You wouldn’t go through this. So, why don’t you try telling the truth? I know you feel it, I know you see it—and for some reason you don’t want to admit it.”
“Nick, great sex isn’t the only thing a strong marriage needs. I mean, it’s a damn good start, but it can’t bridge the gap that’s grown between us. I don’t know why this has happened, and I don’t understand what’s going on right now. I wish I knew what you were doing. But I don’t. And part of the reason I’m sitting here right now is because I want to know what’s going through your mind. What is it you think is happening here? Because if you’ve got some idea that this is somehow us reconnecting or something? I assure you, it’s not.”
He seemed to flinch ever so slightly at that, and a tiny, selfish part of me loved that I’d gotten him to feel that, if only in that moment.
“That’s a pretty shitty thing for you to say. Especially considering I know you’re lying your ass off right now.”
I didn’t like the way he almost snarled the words, nor the way his barely-leashed irritation had the butterflies fluttering deep in my belly once again. But they had.
And it was contrary to everything I thought I knew about myself—and more importantly about Nick. It was like he’d been replaced by another version of him, one so very similar, but just slightly different in subtle ways—and a few profound ones too.
But the most important question to my mind, at that moment, was whether or not Ilikedthis new Nick better than the old one. And I wasn’t sure I was ready to answer that question quite yet.
Your cunt sure seems like she’s ready.
I winced at that, nibbling on my lower lip. “I’m not lying. I’m telling you the truth. Just because yesterday was hot, and yeah okay, I may have thought about it a few times last night…it doesn’t change the facts on the ground. Doesn’t change that we don’t belong together anymore. Even if our bodies haven’t quite gotten that message yet.”
Muscle bunched at the corner of his jaw, and he looked away. “It’s not that simple, Eva, and you know it. Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like what we both see isn’t there? All you have to do is admit it.”
“All you have to do is admit that it’s over, Nick. All you have to do is admit that this doesn’t change all the fucked-up things that we had to deal with when we were married.” I didn’t know why I said the words so vehemently, but there was truth in them, nonetheless. It was the verbal equivalent of a slap across his face, every bit as stinging, as cruel—and as undeniable. “All you have to do is admit that you’re still the man that I can’t stay married to anymore.”
“I don’t have to do anything.” Nick looked up at the wall at the new clock, the simple block lettering for the numbers upon the face of it. “But for the next fifty minutes or so, you have to do whatever I tell you to.”
My pussy actually clenched at the tone of his voice, the dangerous undercurrent in the words. It was an edge to him that I’d seen yesterday, the same firmness, even strictness he displayed when he spanked me. And though every part of me wanted to deny it, the fact was I was drawn to it, and I wanted more of it. I needed to see what he would do with it.
Most of all, I wanted to feel what he would do with me.
You need to leave, Eva. Now.
And with that, I agreed fully. I rose to my feet. “Nick, I don’t think this is going to work. I’m going to go back to my hotel. I just—”
“You aren’t doing anything of the fucking sort. Sit down. Right now.”
My breath actually caught in my chest at the tone of his command, the almost snarl of his words. How was it possible that the fact it sounded like he had his temper barely leashed at that moment was turning me on massively? What the hell was going on here?
“Nick, I mean it. This is a bad idea. This whole thing was a bad idea. I’m going.” I turned for the door.
Nick’s quiet, still voice sounded behind me. “Unless you say the words that you’re required to say, I’m not letting you leave this house.”
I froze in place, weighing in my mind in that moment, each second suddenly like an eternity, what it was I should do, what it was I wanted to do. Because they were most definitely not the same things. “I’m not going to say the words, Nick. That’s just a game. It’s just…like a mantra you say. Doesn’t really mean anything.” I didn’t believe it, of course, but I said it, regardless.
Maybe in that moment it was a gambit to see how he would react, to learn if the leashed beast within him was really there—or if it was simply a bluff, a mirage, this new, animalistic part of Nick nothing more than a front.
Part of me hoped it was anything but.
But a bigger part of me hoped he would just stay seated there on that couch and watch me walk out that door. That was what should have happened.
But what should happen, and what Fate wanted, appeared to be two quite different eventualities.
I grabbed the polished silver of the door handle, turning it. As I pulled the door open, Nick’s big hand slapped against the metal right next to my head, slamming the door shut again.
I spun upon him instantly, the heat of his body close. I could sense his strength on the air, the currents of his rage, frustration, and most of all his lust, so strong between us they were almost physical, tangible things. A gossamer thread linked us together, an energy between us that had never gone away entirely. Only now in this moment, in this heartbeat of time, that thread was anything but gossamer.
