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I laughed then, taking another scalding sip. “But what if that’s all I really care about?”
Michelle was silent a moment. “You tell me, Lola.Isthat all you care about when it comes to Ellis Winters?”
I shook my head at that, forcing myself to give her a smile of confidence that I didn’t feel. “Of course not.”
“You know next to nothing about this man, still, and yet he knows all about you. Don’t you think there’s something odd about that? I mean beyond the basic mismatch of communication, doesn’t that make you wonder?”
Itdidmake me wonder, and I had been for a while, if I were honest with myself. But the fact that it was a finite period of time, that I had pretty much resigned myself at the beginning to simply take my money and leave at the end of it, had allowed me to sort of check out. I could set that concern aside for the time being, if the ending was already preordained. How important was that, really, if I had already decided I was going to leave?
The answer to that question is as obvious as a heart attack, you idiot.
I gasped as another icy blast of wind blew right through us. “I think I had myself convinced that this was transitory, just a temporary arrangement. Something that was just fun, and maybe where I get to do a little bit of… exploration.”
Michelle nodded at me. “Only now you realize it’s become something a lot more than that. Is that about right?”
“Yes…” I hated that she was so good at zeroing in on what was most important—and sometimes painful—even as I was relieved that she’d isolated the core of my problem.
“Lola, if this has evolved into something more than you planned, I think you know what has to be done.”
I winced, my heart squeezing in my chest. “I hate to cut this short, Michelle.” I sipped the last of my coffee, meeting her gaze. “But I have to go talk to Ellis.”
“Should I wish you luck?” Michelle asked, real concern in her eyes.
“What I need isn’t luck,” I said, standing up. “What I need is the courage to do what I have to do. To do what I probably should have done a long time ago.”
* * *
Lola
His deep rumble stirred me from my sleep, the post-orgasm lassitude that took me over after he used me ruthlessly deep into the night having sent me off into unconscious oblivion.
I was curled up on the bed, Ellis lying next to me, his breathing slow and peaceful. Was he asleep? Did I have the courage say this?
Instantly awake, I rolled over to face him, splaying my hand across the hard muscles of his chest, loving once again the feel of his coarse hair upon my palm. I rubbed a lock of it between my fingertips. “Ellis… Ellis, are you still awake?”
“I wasn’t, but I am now.” He didn’t sound displeased though. If anything, his voice was far more relaxed, less terse than his usual tone.
The deep shadow of his room meant I could only get an impression of his face, the muted sparkle of his eyes. He stirred, a big hand closing about my hip, giving it a proprietary squeeze. “I didn’t use that pussy enough? If you aren’t sore down there, I’m not doing my job.”
“Oh, it’s plenty sore,” I murmured. And it was, throbbing in the very best of ways. “I… I was talking to a friend of mine today. She got me thinking about… things.”
“Lord…” Ellis murmured. “These conversations never lead to anything good.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If ever there was a real-world example of the definition of a stick in the fucking spokes… it’s a woman’sfriends.”
I ignored it, deciding not to take the bait. I needed to know. I propped my head up on my arm. “Why don’t you ever want… more?”
“I don’t need more when I have all I want already.”
Damn him.
“What… did something happen to you? That made you not want to get close to anyone?”
He sat straight up, a sterner note in his voice then. “What are you up to right now, Lola?”
I curled my legs up against his hip, not wanting to lose contact with him. I wasn’t going to have any hope with this line of questioning if I let him put a wall between us so effortlessly.
