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Aside from a couple bottles of wine with Natalie in the confines of my apartment, I never drank. There was no need. I wasn’t allowed to act like a normal college student, so I missed out on the partying and the sloppy nights. Most of the time, I didn’t mind it. I had focused on reminding myself of mylife’s purpose.Sometimes, though, I felt a tiny ball of grief building inside of me. Grief for the life I could have lived.
Natalie shook her head and bit into the lime slice that had been waiting for her on the rim. “Woo!” she cheered. “Your turn, Lyra!”
I debated my options. I could reject the shot and spend the entire night worrying about all the ways my mother could possibly find out about this.
Or I could drink it and actually live my life for once.
“Don’t be afraid!” Natalie yelled to me.
Don’t be afraid. Those were the words Natalie had been repeating to me since we met. Only now, they sounded different. Theyfeltdifferent.
I held my breath and took the shot.
The tequila burned as I downed it in one gulp, just like Natalie had. I nearly gagged on the sharp flavor before I squeezed the lime juice into my mouth.
Another cheer of excitement came from Natalie.
“Are you happy now?” I asked her as I set my empty shot glass onto the bar. The line of people waiting behind us in the club slowly pushed forward. Natalie and I were now being shoved from every angle.
“Ecstatic!” she hollered back. She turned to face the bartender again. “Two more, please!”
This time, I didn’t fight her on it. We took the second shot, and by the time we set those small shot glasses back down on the bar, I was already feeling more relaxed.
“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this,” I said to her.
“It’s about damn time!” she laughed. “You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to drag you out to bars with me!”
“Well, don’t get used to it,” I reminded her. My chest physically ached as the words left my mouth. “This is a one-time thing.”
She grabbed my wrists and began tugging me with her to the dance floor, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Then we better make the most of it!”
My first instinct was to fight her on it. To decline her invitation. But there I was, inside of a demon bar, no less, with two shots of tequila burning in my stomach.
Natalie was right. This might be my only chance.
My feet were moving before I even agreed to it, as if my body knew exactly how much I needed this. Before I knew it, Natalie and I were in the middle of the crowded dance floor. A small, lifted stage with massive black speakers and cascading neon lights stood at the front of the room. This close, I could feel the vibrations of the music as the loud beats filled the room.
“Relax!” Natalie reminded me. “Let go of everything you’re worried about. This is what we do to forget.”
I watched as she closed her eyes and began moving to the beat. Natalie effortlessly blended in with the people around her as she swayed from left to right. I had to remind myself that Natalie had spent the last four years doing things like this; she was used to it.
Me, on the other hand? I had absolutely no clue what to do. I took a long breath and tried to remove some of the tension in my body. I had always been tense, something I had my mother to thank for.
But tonight, I could be anything I wanted. I could be anyone I wanted. That scared, sheltered girl who feared her mother more than life wasn’t here tonight.No,tonight I could be free.
Natalie danced senselessly. She blended in with the others—people dancing to get lost. Or maybe it was to find themselves. Either way, they feltsomething. I could see it all over their faces.
Bodies shoved me from each side as the music morphed into an even more upbeat, contagious song. The room was filled with mostly women, but a few men also blended in around us, dancing just as closely as everyone else. Instead of fighting the frequent shoves from every angle, I became one with them. I became part of the crowd.
I focused on Natalie. I focused on relaxing.
And before I knew it, I, too, was moving with the electric pull of the music.
“See?” Natalie yelled to me with a grin. “It’s fun!”
For once, I agreed with her. I let my head fall back as I looked up at the flashing lights that hung from the ceiling. Natalie pulled me closer to her, holding my hands as we both jumped and swayed to the beat. The music controlled us—fueled us.
Laughter bubbled in my chest as the song switched from one beat to the next. Once I got used to it, I didn't have to think so hard about dancing. My body took care of that on its own, almost as if it were instinct.
