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“Call me crazy, but I had hoped by me not killing you, a moment like this would play out in the future. Of course, in my vision I was on my feet and not lying in bed with a bullet wound.”
“What happens now?” I slump back against the headboard.
“Now, I try to fix what he broke but I’m going to need your help. I-I have a choice to make and I’m going to choose what I want.” He furrows his brow in confusion but that’s okay. I know what I want and I’m going to get it, I just need to fix shit here first. Andreas and I sit here and make a plan for the future. Everything seemed so grim an hour ago but now I feel like we can make this work. After an hour or so, Andreas bids me goodnight and leaves. I wait for a long time, hoping Gage will come find me but after another hour, I decide he isn’t coming and turn the lights out to get some rest, tomorrow is going to be a long-ass day.
I’m roused from my slumber by the feeling of soft lips kissing a trail from my mouth to my ear. “I love you.” I keep my eyes closed but can’t fight the smile from breaking free. The last time I heard those three little words was the day Katarina left. His arms slip around me gently so he doesn’t hurt me, gently shifts in closer and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I can’t leave you behind. I was never supposed to fall for you, killer. I was sent here to take down your family, that was my only task. Instead, I met you and suddenly things weren’t just black and white anymore. I can’t leave Russia without you. If I could stay I would but I have to… my family needs me.” I place my hand atop of his and give it a gentle squeeze.
“Then don’t leave without me,” I whisper.
“I can’t stay.” The heartache in his voice devastates me. I roll over so we are facing each other and reach up to cup his face.
“I know, give me three months max and I’ll board that plane with you.” His brows raise in surprise.
“But what about the Bratva?” I smile lovingly back at him and place a peck to his lips.
“I love you, Gage Murdoch. For the first time I am choosing me over my sense of duty to my people. Andreas is going to take over the Bratva and run things here while I move to the US, with you.” He doesn’t say anything for a while and I start to think I have gotten the wrong idea about him wanting me to move. “If this isn’t what you–” He silences me with a kiss that steals my breath, pouring everything he feels for me into this kiss, and it has me seeing stars. When he pulls back we’re both panting and trying to pull in lungfuls of air.
“I love that you called me a Murdoch.” I smile and kiss him again. “I’ll help you however I can. I’ll also be here for you to talk to about what you went through. I know shit is going to be hard but I need you to know I’m in this for the long haul, killer.”
Gage held me while I talked, I’m not even close to ready to even entertain the idea of sex. I told him about what happened to me. He held me tighter, promising me that no matter what, he still loved me and wouldn’t look at me differently. I believe him. He even offered to have a shrink that one of his brothers hired for his fiancée come speak with me about what happened when we land in the States. I agreed, I think it would be good for me to speak to someone about the trauma I have experienced throughout my life.
Gage
Eight weeks later…
It’s been nearly four months since we first arrived here in Russia, we fly out tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. Bish and the others have gone for haircuts and even decided to fucking shave so they look their best for the girls. Knight is the most excited and anxious, he wants to get home so he can be there for Koby when she goes into labor. Shit, I just found out last night that both Car and Kiara are pregnant as well. I’m beyond happy for all of them, they deserve this. Anya has been making huge progress. She hasn’t let what happened to her define or change her. Her famous words as of late areI’m not a victim, I’m a survivor.She is fucking strong. She had bad night terrors for the first month but they have started to lessen over the weeks. Her wound has almost healed completely and she is able to get around much better now. She wanted to shut me out and deal with it on her own, but I wasn’t having that. I forced my way through her walls and molded myself deep inside her. She knows she is everything to me and I would burn the fucking world to the ground if it meant she would be happy.
I have barely left her side for more than five minutes in the past weeks. She assures me she is fine but until Bishop gives up the location of her fucking uncle, I can’t handle having her out of my sight. She has been working closely with Andreas and Bishop to hand over the Bratva. Bish is here negotiating terms with the new Pakhan on how they will move forward. Andreas has made it clear there will be no trafficking of any kind, women and children will be protected from now on. Bishop has agreed to trial using Andreas as a supplier for guns. The one thing Anya has refused to give up is her formula for shipping drugs.
“I’ll give you everything you need and never try to claim it back,” she says to Andreas. Bishop and Andreas occupy the seats in front of her desk at her house—Vlad’s old one. King and Vin lean against the back wall with their arms crossed over their chests. We haven’t seen much of Knight, he spends every day with his twin trying to coax him to talk or even come out of his room, but he refuses. Because of who our family is, we cannot show weakness. Once we are in the privacy of our own home, then we can deal with Rook and try to help him heal from the ordeal he went through. He was a prisoner for nearly eight months. He has scars on the surface and internally, that will take way longer than eight weeks to heal.
“But?” Andreas pushes.
“I will not give up my formula for shipping narcotics. Either of you want to ship internationally then you do it through me. This is the one thing my father could never take away from me and I won’t let either of you take it from me either.” I place both my hands on the tops of her shoulders and give them a squeeze, telling her silently that I’m proud of her for standing her ground.
“If what I have heard is true, then I look forward to doing business with you,” Bishop says then cuts his gaze to me. “Be warned, just because you are with my brother does not mean I will tolerate tardiness or you fucking me over.” He pulls his gaze from me to stare at my girl. I want to butt in and tell him to fuck off, but this is business and not my place. “Business will not be mixed with personal things. Now I must warn you of something.” I feel her tense and fight the smile that wants to break free, I know what he is going to say next. “My fiancée, sister and Ally won’t welcome you with open arms like Koby will.”
“Why?” Anya queries.
“Because you are dating their… best friend.” I know that pained him to admit and fuck it makes me feel warm inside knowing my relationship with Kiara still bothers him. “They are protective over him. Prove to them you mean him no harm and that your feelings are true, and you should have no problems.”
“And if there are problems, how should I handle that?” Bishop shakes his head laughing. King and Vin push off the wall and move forward both wearing smiles.
“If Kiara and Gucci weren’t pregnant, they would drive you to the gym and fight it out in the ring.” Vin sounds so proud that his girl can throw down. Anya’s brows jump up, a slow smirk graces her beautiful face as she turns to King waiting to hear what he has to say.
“Look, I love my girl and cherish her but when Ally gets angry, I tend to step back and allow her to take the lead or I risk becoming dickless, and I’m not down with that.” Everyone begins to laugh. Everyone thinks because we arethemafia that us guys run the show. Truth is, the girls have us all by the balls and there is nothing we wouldn’t do for them. “Look, Ally isn’t the one you need to watch out for. Kiara is crazy loyal to Gage and will give you a hard time. Car loves Gage and only wants what is best for her brother. Just be grateful Koby is your friend because that woman would be the worst to deal with. Ally has always been closest to the twins, her attention will be… elsewhere.” King doesn’t need to say more, we all know what he is saying without using the words.
* * *
By the time we fall into bed we are both tired and spent from the long-ass day of tying up loose ends and packing. She has decided to keep her house and a few others around the world that Vlad owned, saying we might want to travel and check them out some day. Who am I to argue with her? She told me today she would have to come back every couple months to check production of herbusinessas we are calling it. To my complete and utter shock, she went to Vor and Krill and asked them if they would work for her and oversee her business while she was away. Needless to say they both agreed and were happy as fuck with their new positions and pay raise.
“I’m sorry.” I roll over and stare at her confused, she lulls her head side and smiles. Seeing her eyes fill with tears has me panicking.
“What’s going on, killer?” She reaches out and grips my hand in hers as the first tear falls. Anya doesn’t cry so seeing her cry now has me worrying.
“I wish more than anything I would be able to see a miniature version of me and you running around but I can never give you that, Gage.” I open my mouth to argue but she shushes me and pushes on. “I can never give you children and if that is a deal breaker for you, then I… I understand.” She sobs, I growl as I maneuver myself until I am on top of her. She doesn’t freeze now whenever I climb on top, she is slowly exploring my body nightly until she grows more comfortable. I’ll never push her.
“Get that shit out your fucking head now. Don’t you dare sit there and act like you’re not it for me, Anya. You are more than I could ever ask for.” Tears flow freely down her cheeks. I lean down and kiss them away, hating that she feels like this. I know it bothers her and she tries to push me away more often than not because she thinks I will grow to resent her for not being able to have kids, but I have been doing research of my own. “Did you know that you still ovulate even after having a hysterectomy?” She frowns up at me and shakes her head. “You don’t get your period but you still produce eggs. If we wanted to, we could explore that option and look into a surrogate if it’s something that we wanted to do in the future.” She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me down so she can kiss me. After a couple seconds, I pull back and roll off her, shooting her a sheepish smile.
