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Opal’s wordsplay over and over in my mind as I make my way back toward to my house, too lost in my own turmoil I don’t hear Knight calling out to me until a fucking football hits me in the side of the head. I spin around and pin the motherfucker with a look that promises pain.
“The fuck did you do that for?” I snap. The bastard stands outside King’s house with his head held high and his chest puffed up like he’s about to do something. I spot all the girls and the kids on the porch behind Knight. It shocks me when I see Clare standing next to Kiara, I thought she would be at home waiting for me.
“So you would pull your head out of your ass!” His words have me clenching my hands into fists at my sides. Clare tries to come to me but Kiara stops her with a shake of her head. Knight eliminates the space between us until there is only a couple inches of space between us. We hold each other’s gazes as the tension between us skyrockets to the point where it steals my breath.
“You don’t want to do this right now,” I grit out through clenched teeth. His eyes darken until nothing but anger can be seen in the depths of his gaze. He steps into me pushing his forehead against mine hard enough that I have to fight not to stumble back a step.
“Oh yeah, I fucking do,” he snarls as he shoves me back a step. I fight the flinch that wants to break free from him pushing against my tattoo, but I would never give the fucker that satisfaction.
“You want me to hand you your ass in front of your girl and those twins that could pass as mine?” That snaps his last restraint at the mention of the prospect of me being his kids’ father. He launches at me with fists swinging. I allow him to land two shots to the face before a numbness overcomes me and I see nothing but red. My body relaxes and my mind clears as I ready myself to release all the pent-up hate and anger on the one person that I thought had my backandfront till my dying breath. The day Ivan took me I didn’t just lose my freedom, I lost my best fucking friend. I prayed every night that my twin would come for me. I never gave up hope thinking that the bond we shared would ensure that my brother would never give up on me like I would never have given up on him!
I tackle him to the ground, we roll a few times until I manage to end up on top of Knight. I rein blow after blow on him until he eventually bucks me off. He doesn’t pause once he’s on his feet, charging toward me. Putting all his football training to use for once, he tackles me around the waist, knocking the air from my lungs as I hit the ground. He straddles my legs and punches me continuously. I manage to land a few hits to his face and ribs but the fucker has the upper hand. I hear our names being shouted by someone in the distance but we don’t stop—we fucking need this! One minute Knight and I are trading blows, then he’s ripped off me and an angry looking Bishop looms above us with Gage and King on either side of him. I hear Knight grunt and peer down to see him sitting on the grass by my legs, so I lash out and boot him right in the face.
“That’s enough, Rook!” Bishop shouts. I jump to my feet and get right in the fuckers face before shoving him back a step.
“It’ll never be enough!” I scream. Now that I’ve started, I can’t seem to put a lid back on my emotions and they pour out of me. “He fucking left me!” I scream at Bishop as I point toward Knight who is still sitting on the grass cupping his nose. “He fucking left me behind! You all did.” Bishop and King both pale at my accusation. Knight clambers to his feet and stumbles over to stand in front Bishop, effectively blocking my view of him until all I can see is a perfect copy of my own eyes and face staring back at me.
“I never fucking left you,” he growls, his eyes sparking with an emotion I can’t decipher. “I hunted for you every fucking day since the day you disappeared. I never fucking stopped looking for you! Ask all of these fuckers. I refused to hold a wake for you because I never believed you were dead!” He closes the sliver of space between us and rests his forehead against mine but this time it isn’t with anger, it’s with… regret. “I knew that if you were dead, I would have felt it in my heart. I would never accept the possibility of you ever being dead, Rook, because I can’t fucking live without you. If you being alive and hating me for the rest of our lives and ignoring me whenever we see each other is the only way I get to have you in my life, then so be it. I’ll take all your anger. I’ll take all the fucking blame you need me to take because I hate myself more than you will ever know for not finding you sooner. You’re my fucking twin, Rook. Spending eight months without you was the worst and fucking happiest time of my life because I got Koby and my boys but I could never enjoy it because… you weren’t here with me to tell me it was okay to love her.”
When I see the first tear fall from the corner of his eye every ounce of anger I’ve had toward him evaporates from inside me. I snake my arm out and grip the back of his neck, pushing my forehead into his harder. He mimics my move. We stand here staring into each other’s eyes, finally letting go of all the blame and anger.
“I’ll never turn my back on you.” The conviction in Knight’s tone makes me believe him. “If I could have traded spots with you, I would have. I never gave up, Rook. I swear I didn’t. I locked Koby in the bunker and tortured her because I began to believe that you were right and she set you up.” My eyes widen in surprise. “I nearly killed her and my sons,” he whispers with anguish clear in his tone.
“How?” I say quietly, hyper aware that everyone is looking at us and listening to every word we say, but not caring and needing this moment with my brother.
“She was shot that night at the docks. I didn’t care and locked her up. I let her be hit by our guys because I didn’t have the guts to do it myself, I had no idea at the time she was pregnant with Havoc and Chaos. I nearly lost all three of them looking for you. She is the only reason I survived without you, Rook. She helped me every fucking day hunt for you. Vin helped as well.” He takes a shuddering breath before continuing on. “We all did. None of us gave up hope that you would come back to us. When Gage got a picture of you from Anya, we all knew that the Bratva would burn to the fucking ground for taking you from us. Which is why I am going to help you kill that motherfucker for ever thinking he can come intoourterritory and take you, we are going to make him suffer because when you fuck with one Murdoch, you fuck with all of us!” Tears leak from his eyes and I’m man enough to admit it isn’t sweat dripping down my face. I wrap my arms around my twin and crush him against me. He returns my embrace and holds me just as tight as we both stand here and cry for the pain we have been put through at the hands of another.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. Knight pulls back and rests his hands atop my shoulders.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I blamed you when none of it was your fault. I made the choice to take Koby to the docks because I thought she was going to drive a wedge between us. My fear of losing you to her ended up with me being taken and really being ripped apart. I needed someone to blame for everything and you were the person I chose. Night after night I fucking prayed you would come and when you didn’t, I got angry and bitter not knowing what was going on back here. I’m so fucking sorry for what you went through with Koby. If something had of happened to the twins—”
“Stop!” I clamp my mouth closed at his single word command. “Koby and the boys are fine, we’re all fine, Rook. We’re gonna be okay, aren’t we?” Unable to speak past the lump in my throat, I nod my head and watch as all the tension and uncertainty drains from his eyes and body. I feel Bishop and King shift closer to us, the anger I felt toward the two of them is gone now. I blamed these three because they were here. Car was gone and none the wiser and Gage didn’t cop the brunt of my anger because I saw him coming to Russia undercover as him being the only one to care enough to find me. I didn’t know that Knight, Bish, King and even Vin came as well.
Clare
Sitting around the dinner table with Rook and his family is surreal. There are children present and being loved on by everyone in this family. When I think of what a mob family would look like—this sure as hell isn’t it! I mean, for the love of God, I watched Bishop Murdoch, Don to the Murdoch crime family, change his son’s diaper today and when I tell you I stood there stunned, I mean I was speechless with my jaw on the floor.
“Clare?” I shake my head and turn to my right to look at Koby. She holds a baby out to me and I stare at the brown haired, coffee-colored eyed baby like he’s an alien before looking back to his mother. “Do you mind holding him for a second, I need to change my shirt.” I drop my gaze to her shirt and screw my face up at the sight of baby vomit. I reach for the baby boy without even thinking. He smiles at me like I’m the most fascinating thing he has ever seen. All the chatter around me becomes white noise as I stare down at the wee boy in my arms. Longing hits me right in the chest at the thought of me never getting to hold my own baby.
“You okay?” I blink my eyes a couple times and take a deep breath before peering over to my other side at Rook.
“Yeah, just…” I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling.
“I know.” I frown at him which causes a sad smile to grace his handsome face. He reaches out and brushes his knuckles along his nephew’s cheek. “It’s hard looking at them,” he whispers low enough for only me to hear. “I see me in them and I always wonder what our baby would have looked like.” When his eyes meet mine, I see something I haven’t seen before…hope.“We were robbed of our chance and I just want you to know, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make what happened right. Or, until you realize your way outta my league and could do so much better than me.” Tears spring to my eyes, I don’t care that his family is around as I lean forward and seal my lips to his. I know we haven’t spoken much in the past two days and I need to find the courage to tell him why I have pulled away, but it’s hard.
“Not while you’re holding my son!” Knight chastises, causing Rook and I to break a part chuckling. Feeling everyone’s gazes on us, my cheeks heat.
“Howdidyou two meet?” I dart my gaze to Carlina unsure if I should tell her the truth, or if Rook even wants them to know.
“We met when we were fifteen.” Car’s eyebrows jump to her hairline at Rook’s admission.
“Wait, how?” King asks.
“Luka started hanging with Bish and Clare followed him one night wondering where her brother was sneaking off to. I was out back having a smoke while Tony was rampaging inside and I caught her peeking through the window,” Rook says. I fight the smile that wants to break through—the memory of him pinning me against the wall and interrogating me. I think it was in that moment that I knew my heart was done for just from the sight of him.
