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I hoped it’d be her. Truth is, I’m happy because I feel like she’s the perfect girl for me. For the real me. No, Iknowshe’s the perfect girl for me.
I’m smiling and my heart continues to thump as I stare at her name. But then it’s like my bubble explodes. Willow doesn’t feel that way about me. She made it clear that she’s not interested in dating in high school.
And anyway, she’d never go for a guy like me. A guy who cares more about his reputation and outward appearance than the person he is inside. I’m a fraud. A fake.
I sit up sharply. If I matched with her, that means she got matched with me. How does she feel about that?
I reach for my phone to call her, but then I drop my hand. If for some crazy reason she was interested in me, would she call me? Or would she wait for me to call?
She’s been through a lot today and the last thing she needs is me asking her how she feels about me. No. The best I can do is wait for her to make the first move. If she wants to try something with me, I’ll jump at the opportunity. If she doesn’t, then I’ll have to accept it.
I can’t see myself with anyone else, though. I just feel like she’s my girl. My real girl.
I felt so comfortable sharing with her what happened to me in middle school. She’s just so easy to talk to and I want to share all my thoughts and feelings with her. I want to get close to her. I want to open my heart to her. I want to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
But I’m going to let her make the decision.
I read the summary of why we matched. We have the same goals and interests, and the app feels like we’d be a perfect match because we’re practically the same, although we have our differences which makes for a great relationship. I think back to when Mia claimed I’m the guy version of Willow, and it’s kind of true. As different as we are in terms of social standing at school, we’re similar in all the other ways. In the ways that matter. We care about other people, we like to code, we want to have fun and live our lives as happily as we can. We want to change the world by creating apps that could improve people’s lives.
Wow. The app got to know us on such a deep level. It’s a shame Willow had to discontinue it, but I’m glad we figured out a way to keep the core of what it is—finding like-minded people and building friendships and communities.
She has a spectacular mind, and even though we’ll go our separate ways after the coding competition, I’m honored I got to spend a few weeks in her presence. It’s something I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
There’s a knock on my door, and for a second my heart pounds in my head as I imagine Willow standing on the other side. But when I open the door, I’m surprised to find Dad there.
He has an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes are overflowing with pain and guilt.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
I widen the door and gesture for him to do so. He sits down on my chair while I take the bed. I look at him. He’s focused on the walls. He glances at my computer, at the adventure game I’m currently making. Right now, I’m testing it.
“That looks like fun,” he says as he nods at it.
I smile sadly. “Thanks. It was Bri’s. She didn’t have a chance to finish it, so I’ve been working on it.”
A hard swallow makes its way down his throat. “I’m…glad to hear that.” A tremble overtakes him.
“Dad…”
He holds up his hand. “I came up here to tell you that you were right and I’m sorry. I did lose a daughter eight months ago, but I have a son. A remarkable son who doesn’t deserve the way I’ve been treating him.”
Tears flash in my eyes and my throat tightens. I open my mouth to say something, but I have no idea what to say.
“It was easier to work all day and night instead of dealing with my feelings,” he goes on. “I told myself that if I occupied myself with work, I wouldn’t miss her.” He swallows again. “But that was wrong. I was so focused on my own pain that I didn’t consider yours. You’re only sixteen and you lost your sister and best friend. I should have been there for you. I’m your father. What kind of father ignores his own son?” His voice chokes up, and it makes my tears drip down my face.
“You were hurting,” I say.
He shakes his head. “A father doesn’t abandon his kid, no matter what. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you.” He gets up and lowers himself next to me, looking me straight in the face. “Thank you for talking to me and making me see my wrong behavior. You were the brave one and I was the coward.”
“It was Willow. She helped me realize that if I want you in my life, I should fight for us.”
He smiles, the edges of his mouth quivering. “I’m glad you listened to her. She seems like a very nice and sweet girl.”
“She is.”
“I’m sorry I was so rude to her the other day. I shouldn’t have yelled the way I did. I…” He runs a hand down his face. “I wasn’t in a good place. But I want to be better. I want to change. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to make amends. I want to be the father you need.”
I wrap my arms around him. “It’s okay, Dad. We both made mistakes. I should have fought for us sooner. I should have stopped Mom from leaving. I know that broke your heart.”
