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I shift in my seat. “It was the summer, and I was at the beach with my friends when I got the call. Something….” My voice chokes up, and it’s hard to get the words out. “Something terrible happened to my sister. The helicopter crashed, killing her and her boyfriend instantly.”
Willow takes in a sharp breath. She grabs my hand and clutches it in hers. “I’m so sorry, Colt.”
Tears flash in my eyes. “I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. She was gone, just like that. My favorite person, my hero, was gone. And I’ll never see her again.”
“Colt.” Her arms come around me and she pulls me close to her. “I’m really so, so sorry.”
I bury my face in her shoulder.
I’m not sure how long we stay like this, not talking but saying so much. I can feel the pain and sorrow she feels for me. How she wishes she could take away my heartache. And I try to take in as much comfort from her as I can.
Slowly, I pull back and try to muster a smile. But I know I fail miserably. “Sorry for unloading all of this on you. I just—”
Shaking her head, she says, “No, don’t apologize. I want to be here for you.”
I nod slowly, her words once again changing something inside me. “Thanks. You’re the first person I told.”
Her eyebrows lift. “Really? Not your friends…?”
“They know my sister died, but they don’t know the details. My friends don’t like to deal with heavy topics. They were there for me, but…” I shrug. “You know how kids our age are.”
She wraps an arm around me. “I’m sorry they weren’t there for you when you needed them. But I’m here now. And I’m not leaving.”
It’s like my heart lifts to the sky. I give her the best smile I can. “Thank you. But it’s getting really late.”
“That’s fine. I’m here for you however long you need me.”
I rest my forehead on hers. “Is it okay if I tell you the rest? Where my mom is and what happened to my dad?”
She slips her hand in mine. “Only if you’re comfortable.”
I am. I want to tell her everything, but I’m not ready to inform her of the pain I endured in middle school. One day, but not now.
“A few days after my sister’s funeral, I noticed something changing in my parents’ behavior. Dad was retreating into his home office. He was also staying late at work. Mom stopped cooking and would go to bed early. She worked from home as a customer sales rep, but I realized that she wasn’t working. She’d just disappear into her room for most of the day. I’d come home from school and there wouldn’t be any dinner for me. Mom left money for me to order food.” I pause to take a breath. “My parents were pretty much strangers and they hardly spoke to me. I felt so alone, but I didn’t tell anyone what was going on. Not my friends, not Vanessa. I pretended like I was happy…happy as a guy who just lost his sister could be.”
Willow squeezes my hand.
“One day, I came back from hanging out with my friends at the mall and found out that my mom left. She didn’t leave a note or anything, but I noticed her closets were empty and her suitcases were gone. She just walked out of my life. She abandoned me when I needed her most. So I basically live alone. Mom is gone physically and Dad mentally and emotionally, so I take care of myself and the house. I clean it, I learned to cook mac and cheese, and I order out most nights or have frozen meals. Dad is barely home and when he is, he hides in his office. The only thing he says to me is hi and if he’s going away on a business trip for a few days.” I laugh lightly. “My friends grab the chance to throw parties. And I force myself to forget all my pain, because if I don’t, I know I’ll drown. So I pretend to be fine and happy. Obviously I miss my sister and think about her all the time, but from my friends’ perspective, I’m exactly how I was.”
She searches my eyes. “I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone to talk to. What about the school counselor?”
I shake my head. “I was doing okay. I didn’t need to talk to anyone.”
She squints as she studies me. “I’m not judging you at all, but your status as king of school had a lot to do with you hiding your feelings, right?”
I release a heavy breath. “I won’t lie. It did. Who’d want to hang out with a guy who moped around all the time? I would lose my place as king of school in a heartbeat. And well…” I release another breath. “I couldn’t let that happen.”
It looks like she’s bursting to ask why being king of school is more important to me, but she presses her lips together.
“It was very hard in the beginning,” I continue. “But I’m doing better now. I’m used to Dad ignoring me…but he never yelled at me. I don’t know who he is. He either pretends I don’t exist or treats me like I’m the biggest inconvenience in his life.”
“No, Colt. I know he doesn’t feel that way. It was his pain talking. He didn’t mean it.”
I want to believe her, but I’m not sure.
She squeezes my hand again. “The counselor is always available if you need her.”
I force a smile. “Thanks, but I’m okay.” I sigh. “My dad’s the only one I have left. If only I could do something…”
