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Do I want to be more than friends with him? Surprisingly, the thought doesn’t freak me out at all. I’m not exactly sure what I want, but I’m not having some kind of identity crisis or whatever. The guys in my unit might make a few cracks if I start dating a guy, but I wouldn’t be the only cop who likes guys too, and I know it would be mostly harmless. Anyone who does make a big deal about it, I can handle.
I hear an alarm go off, a groan following it, and I know Ev is up, but I haven’t slept a wink.The other concern is Lake. It’s clear he and Ev have some kind of connection and he’s interested in him, even if he just met him.
It’s crazy quick, but I know my friend well enough to see when he has a genuine interest in someone, and that’s the case with Lake. He likes the guy. My mind goes to a story I read online about how fated mates might be coming back now that the Omega gene is back. It seems fucking ridiculous, and at the time, I laughed at it. Fated mates? That’s some magic bullshit that doesn’t exist. The Omega gene isn’t some kind of magical property. It’s a genetic thing. Science.
But thinking about how quickly Ev latched onto this Lake thing once he saw him, it makes me question the whole thing. And where does that leave me? Does Ev want to forget this whole thing happened and pursue Lake? Is there room in his heart for both of us? Do I even want to be a part of that? So many questions, and I have no fucking answers.
There’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and Ev peeks down the hallway and startles when he sees me watching him. He’s hesitant and kind of awkward, and I don’t know if it’s because he regrets last night or he’s worried I’m in the middle of a freak out and am about to lose it on him.
“Hey,” he says tentatively as he finally walks out of the hallway. He’s already dressed, and I guess he’s going into the office today because he’s wearing dark-tan khakis and a royal-blue long-sleeve polo shirt. His office is pretty casual, but they still can’t wear jeans or hoodies and T-shirts, Ev’s usual apparel.
He tilts his head toward the kitchen. “Do you want some coffee? I have a fucking monster hangover, and I figure you must too.”
Now that he mentions it, yeah, my head is fucking pounding. I don’t know if it’s from the alcohol last night or the lack of sleep . . . or the fact that my mind is going a thousand miles a minute.
“Yeah, sure.” I reluctantly climb out of bed as I hear the shower go on down the hall. Mr. C must be up too. I know he won’t care if I stay and sleep in, but it seems weird right now, especially when Ev is acting like this.
It’s like he’s purposely not mentioning last night, and I’m not sure why. I decide to bite the bullet and be the one to clear the air. It’s fucking uncomfortable right now.
“About last night . . . ,” I start in the most horribly cliché way possible. Gods, what are we, in some cheesy Lifetime movie?
Ev startles and looks up from where he’s fumbling with the coffee pot. It’s strange seeing him look so unsure. I’ve never seen him like this before. “Yes?” he replies reluctantly, like he’s afraid where this conversation is going.
I wish I knew where his head is at, but at this point, I have to just plow through and hope for the best. Like I said earlier, I know we’ll be fine. We just have to see where we stand now.
I’m silent while I try to think of the best way to phrase this. I’m still really fucking confused, and I know we need to have a real conversation without Ev’s dad around the corner and with longer than the short time before he has to leave for work. I can’t leave everything completely unsettled either. “I don’t regret it,” I finally say.
I physically see all the tension leave Ev’s body. His shoulders relax and he fucking deflates, a small smile on his face. “Oh, thank fuck. I was kind of worried you were freaking out, having an identity crisis, and never wanted to see me again.”
I can’t take it anymore and stalk toward Ev. He watches me with cautious eyes, but there’s something more there, like maybe he’s a little turned on. I cup both his cheeks with my hands. “There will never be anything that would cause me to not want to see you again, ok? Nothing in this entire fucking universe can cause that to happen.”
Ev’s eyes darken as he nods around my hands. I let him go. “Ok,” he whispers, his voice a little breathless.
“I won’t lie and say that I’m not fucking confused. Because I am. I have no idea what came over me last night. I’ve never felt anything like that before. But I don’t regret it, and I wouldn’t change it.”
Ev smiles up at me before sucking his lip ring between his teeth. “Good, I wouldn’t change it either.”
The coffee pot finishes and he goes over to pour us some mugs. I notice he pours a third for his dad as well. He immediately starts doctoring them all up and I have to smile. He doesn’t even need to ask; he knows exactly how each of us likes our coffee.
“I didn’t know you were attracted to guys.” He says it casually, but I know it’s not a casual question. He’s probably wondering why I’ve never mentioned it to him.
“I’m not. Or, I don’t think I am. I’ve never had the kind of reaction I did to you last night with any other guy. I’ve never even gotten hard thinking or looking at another guy before. Maybe it’s just a you thing. I don’t know.”
Ev grins at my words. “I can live with that.” His face sobers. “So what does this mean, exactly?”
“I don’t know. I’m not freaking out at the possibility of being with you. Like, it almost seems natural, you know. That is, if that’s what you want. I am a little overwhelmed. I literally laughed in Kayla’s face when she suggested I liked you and I was jealous of you and Lake a few weeks ago, and now I’m here eating your fucking jizz. So, I might just need a minute to process all of this.”
Ev squeezes my shoulder. “Of course, man. I’m a little overwhelmed myself. I’m not going to lie, I’ve thought about it hundreds of times over the years, but I never really expected it to happen. So yeah, it’s a lot. Kayla really thought you were jealous of Lake? I barely know the guy.”
“Yeah, but something’s there; you can’t deny it. Even you admitted he was part of your fantasy last night.”
Ev shrugs, trying to keep it casual, but there is a slight blush to his face. He tries to hide it by drinking his coffee. “What do you think about that?”
“About what? Your crush on Lake?”
Ev blushes again but nods.
“I don’t know. At first, I thought Kayla may be right and I was jealous, but I don’t feel that way anymore, just intrigued. And confused. So fucking confused.”
