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“Why don’t you try me?”
I close my eyes and lean back against the chair. “I find I’m struggling with being alone.” I can barely get the words out; it makes me so uncomfortable.
I hear River sit up from the couch and scoot closer to me. I still don’t open my eyes, even as I feel his hand squeeze my knee. “Lake, you know there’s nothing wrong with that, right? You’re going through some major changes. It makes sense you’re struggling.”
I finally open my eyes and stare at him. “What changes am I going through? You’re the one who practically got married, had a baby, and became internet famous.”
River snorts. “You realize your face is all over the internet, too, right? And yeah, all of those things happened to me, but they affect you too. It was just you and me for so long, Lake, and now I have this whole family. I moved out. I can’t spend as much time with you, as much as I want to. You’ve never lived on your own before. Even in college, you had roommates. Of course, it’s going to be a struggle. Besides, you always had issues with change.”
I finally force myself to look at my brother. I want to be clear before I say the next thing. “I don’t want you to think I resent you at all. Because I don’t. I’m so happy for you and all of the changes in your life. I’d never try to take those away from you.”
River smiles at me, and I can see genuine emotion in his gaze. I know he’s not mad at me, and he knows I’m telling the truth. It’s something I can just feel. “Lake, believe me, I know. I don’t think that at all. And you know I don’t mind that you’re here, right? Dad told me that you believe I was a little upset that you moved so close, but that’s not true at all. I was kind of relieved. It was weird living so far from you after all this time sharing such a small space.”
I grin at River, finally feeling some of that tension leave me. “Really? I know I’m probably overstaying my welcome, but the idea of going back to my own place all alone right now is making it hard to breathe. It’s not a feeling I’m used to. I don’t think I like it.”
River laughed. “I’m sure you don’t. Lake, you know you’re not alone, right? Even if you’re by yourself in your house, I’m only a phone call away. So is Dad. Even Essie. She might not be as close physically, but she’d FaceTime you in a second. She always complains we never talk to her.”
Yeah, but those people are my family. And then it finally hit me what my problem is. All I have are my siblings and my dad. Any friends I have are through River, so they're not just mine. I don’t have a relationship or even any interest in anyone. Not that they ever would, but if my family cut me out of their lives, I’d be alone. Completely, utterly alone. And for the first time that I can remember, that scares me. I want more. I need more.
River squints his eyes at me, and I know he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. I know a lot of people believe twins have some type of psychic connection, and River and I are no exception. I knew instantly that something was wrong when River went into labor three months ago. Long before I heard from Cooper that my brother had been rushed to the hospital, I had this overwhelming feeling of dread, and I just knew that Riv was in trouble. But, it’s more a feeling than anything. We can’t actually read each other’s thoughts.
I force a smile. This conversation’s getting too emotional for me, and I no longer want to have it. “Thanks, River. I know you’re always there for me.” Before he can say anything else, I add, “How do you think Zoe and Avery would feel if I offered to be their surrogate.”
River’s eyes nearly bug out of his head as he starts to choke. “Um, what? What kind of topic change is that?”
I just shrug. “It’s something I’ve been doing a lot of research into after I heard about Zoe. Of course, it's all about female surrogates, so I’m not sure how it will transfer with a male, but it’s been confirmed that I’m fertile. I don’t plan on having a child of my own, so why not take advantage of my fertility and help out someone I care about?”
River still seems shocked. “You haven’t mentioned this to them, have you?”
“No. I wasn’t sure how well it would be received and thought I should speak to you first.”
“Probably a good idea. I think it’s amazing that you want to try this, but let me talk to Coop first, and we’ll see what he thinks. He knows them the best. And then we’ll go from there?”
I smile at River. “I think that’s probably a good idea.” I sigh. I really need to leave and get back to work. I finally force myself to stand up.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. I have some work to get done, and there’s nothing else we can accomplish right now.”
River stands up and gives me that exasperated look he has when I don’t quite understand something he feels I should. “Lake, no one is kicking you out. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”
I wave my hand at him dismissively. I know I’m not being kicked out. River would never do that to me, especially after I lamented my loneliness. He'd make me move it here if I hadn't bought my own house. And as much as that sounds good right now, I know after two nights of my niece waking up at all hours of the night, I’d be ready for my own space again. River’s right. This is just an adjustment period, and I’ll be back to normal in no time.
“No, it’s ok. Spend some time with your family, River. I promise I’m ok.”
River watches me for a long time, and I know he’s trying to decide if I’m telling the truth. Finally, he nods once and wraps his arms around me in a hug. I try not to stiffen. River’s always the more emotional one, and that has been compounded since he got pregnant. I awkwardly wrap my arms around him, causing River to laugh.
“Alright, alright, I get it. I’ll let you go. Just please, man, if you start to feel lonely again or just want to get out of your place, give me a call. Or hell, just show up. Please.”
I squeeze River’s shoulder to let him know I appreciate the gesture. “I will. Thank you.”
I finally leave his house and start to walk the couple of blocks to my own place. I try to clear my mind so I can focus on my job when I get back, but I keep jumping back and forth between the conversation I had with River and the possibility of me being a surrogate for Zoe. I try not to get too excited about it. She might say no. Or the doctors may not be ready to do a procedure like that with a male Omega. And even if they are, it doesn’t mean it will work out. Yet, despite all of this, I can’t help but hope that I will get the chance to make Avery and Zoe parents.
TWO
EVANDER
I’m so completely focused on the manuscript in front of me that I barely hear my phone ring. This thing is a mess. I have no idea how the publishers pushed it through to me. It needs a complete rewrite if anyone wants my opinion, but whatever.
