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I could possibly speak to my boss about it and see if my travel could be limited during that time. I’m not the only hacker the CIA has, after all. And like I have been trying to tell them for years now, I can do basically everything from home. I’m not sure how receptive Wells will be, though. He’s known to be a major chauvinist, and he always gives any females on his teams a hard time. I’m not sure if it would be any better for me, despite my gender.
My mind is spinning, and I don’t like the feeling. It makes me uneasy to be so unsure. I’m a decisive person by nature. I may do a lot of research before making any major decisions, but once I make one, I stick to it. I’m not one to waver or change my mind or even be unsure about it. However, right now I keep going over my pros and cons list, and now I’m terrified I’m not a good candidate to carry Avery and Zoe’s baby. Maybe I should just drop the whole thing.
That thought doesn’t sit well with me, though. I realize that I want to be their surrogate. It started out as a practicality thing, but in my mind, it’s been growing to be more than that. And yes, I’m aware Avery and Zoe might shut me down. Or they might decide to wait a couple years before making a decision. I shouldn’t be so set on this possibility, but I am. It scares me how much I want this already.
Not sure what else to do, I pull out my personal phone and call my dad. Ever since Luke married our mom when River and I were nine years old, he has acted like a dad to the two of us. He’s never made either of us feel like an inconvenience or that we weren’t as much his children as Essie is. For River and I, who only knew Seth up until that point as a father figure, it was terrifying. It took a solid year for us to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop all of the time. It took almost as long for us to stop flinching any time he reached out to touch one of us or even just stood near us. I know that it hurt Luke, but he never tried to let it show. But by the time he legally adopted us when we were eleven, River and I finally had come to terms with the fact that Luke was a real father, not Seth. He has always been there for us, and I know he can help me work out the best solution without the bias that River will naturally have, since he’s also friends with Avery and Zoe.
“Hi, Lake, what a nice surprise. You never call me during the day on a weekday.” Dad pauses. “Is everything ok?”
I scrunch my nose, trying to figure out how he jumped from excitement to concern so quickly. “Why wouldn’t everything be ok?” I ask, curious.
“Because the only time you ever call before seven on a weekday is if there is a problem or some kind of emergency. Last time was when Riv had to go to the hospital when we found out he was pregnant.”
Oh, I guess that makes sense. I shudder thinking about that day. River had been vomiting non-stop for days. Our whole apartment reeked of it. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and called Dad and Essie for backup.
“Oh, that’s understandable. There’s no emergency. I just have a problem I’d like your advice on.”
I could hear Dad walking, and then the sound of a door opening, and then the wind. I wonder if he’s at work. He “retired” about a month ago, but he’s still at the office of the construction company he owns more than he’s not.
“Sure, kiddo. What’s going on?”
I roll my eyes at the kiddo, even if I secretly enjoy it. I’m twenty-nine years old, certainly not a kid, but it’s kind of nice he still thinks of me that way.
I try to think of the best way to broach the subject, but I decide to just be blunt. That’s my default anyway.
“Do you think it’s a bad idea for me to get pregnant?”
There’s a sputtering sound, followed by choking, and then a very long pause. Apparently, that wasn’t the best approach.
“Dad?” I ask, concerned.
There’s another cough. “I’m here. Sorry. You just took me by surprise. Lake, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you even seeing someone? Or you know—” Dad clears his throat. He’s clearly uncomfortable with whatever he’s about to say, but I don’t know why. “—having sex?” The last words are mumbled so lowly that I barely understand him.
I sit down in my office chair, trying to see how this is relevant to the conversation. “No, I’m not seeing anyone or having sexual relations,” I tell him carefully, trying to work out his thought process. I’m legally a genius, but sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what people are thinking or the correct responses. “I’m not against sexual intercourse. I just have not found someone I’d want to take that step with.”
While everyone else was experimenting and sleeping around, I was focused on my career. I never understood what the big deal was about sex. I know River loves it, but for me, it just seems to be a means to an end. If I’m not trying to have a child, why have sex?
“Gods. Ok, walk me through this, Lake. What made you start considering having a baby? Is it because of River? You know none of us would ever pressure you to have children. Sure, I’d be thrilled to have more grandbabies, but that’s your decision. Just because you’re physically capable doesn’t mean you need to have them.”
“Oh. You think I want a child? I don’t mean for myself. I have been considering offering to be a surrogate for Avery and Zoe since they can’t have children. I know it may not even be possible, but if it’s something I can offer them, I’d like to do that. I just don’t know if maybe I’m the wrong person for this?”
Luke lets out a big breath and seems relieved. “Kiddo, that’s such a thoughtful and generous offer. Regardless of if it works out, I’m proud of you for making that decision.”
I can’t help the small smile and the feeling of satisfaction I have. It still feels good to hear my dad tell me he’s proud of me, even after all these years.
“Why do you feel you’d be a bad candidate? You’re healthy. You eat well. I know you’ll do your research and follow the doctor’s orders. If that’s something the three of you decide on, I think it’s an excellent idea.”
“Even if I’m in Columbia?”
“Um, what? Lake, back up a second. I’m missing something. Why the hell are you moving to Columbia?”
I roll my eyes, glad Luke can’t see me. “I’m not moving to Columbia. I need to go there for a last-minute work trip, but it got me thinking. Is it responsible to offer my womb to them if I may have to leave at a moment’s notice?”
“Oh, that’s a very valid concern. Let me ask you, Lake. Have you discussed this with Avery and Zoe at all?”
I twirl around in my desk chair, looking at the white walls. Maybe I should hang some art. River always says my home looks clinical, but it never seemed important before now.
I realize that Luke is waiting for an answer. “Oh, sorry, I started to think about decorating my office. No, I haven’t discussed it. River arranged a dinner tomorrow night with them. I was going to bring it up then, but now I’m not sure.”
