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“We’re in the middle of nowhere.” I look about at the field.
“Not quite,” Tegan laughs a little. “Through that gate is a track, back through to the farm. Accessible via car, no problem.”
“It’s a spectacular view.” I look back out to sea.
“I want you to know you have other options than Mum’s. And I get the sense you needed some space.”
I drop my head and look down at my damp boots in the grass.
Tegan is by far the better of us. She is optimistic, always looking for the positive, and supportive of her sister, who’s barely made an effort over the last decade.
“Want to talk about it?” She nudges my shoulder with hers.
“Maybe.” I nod. “Let’s head back, though.”
Tegan leads me through to the track that would be the access point to the field. It’s a direct path back to the main part of the farm, and in a much shorter time, we’re back to the courtyard.
Nat is brushing her horse at the stables as we walk past.
Tegan’s proposal would work. It’s a different version of the plan at Mum’s, more off the grid. A private getaway, secluded, but could work as a twist on what the properties at Mum’s would offer.
“You’re thinking about the idea, aren’t you?” Tegan interrupts and sets a mug of tea on the table. I don’t even remember coming inside.
I glance around at her traditional kitchen setup, complete with bottle-green AGA. Fresh flowers adorn the windowsill above the Belfast sink.
“Would it be a problem if I am? You seemed really keen the other day.”
“Oh, I am. That’s why I took you out there. I needed you to see the potential.” Her face lights up as she joins me at the table. “But it all depends on what you want to do. Have you thought any more about Mum’s conditions?”
“In a way.”
“And?” she looks expectantly.
“It’s not that easy.” I feel like a deflated balloon.
“Because of Jayce?”
Now I’ve spilled my past to Jayce, perhaps I can tell her some of the truth. “I gave you the highlights at lunch. But seeing him here opens up a wound that I never let heal properly. That’s becoming painfully obvious to me, and now it’s all just a mess that I don’t want to be in or can see a way out of unless I leave.” I grit my teeth against the wave of emotion pulling me under. I don’t want to break down in front of Tegan.
“Don’t do that. Don’t let whatever happened have that power over you. You’re stronger than that, and you know it.”
“Humph, well, I’m not so sure.” I take a sip of the tea so I don’t have to look at her kind face.
“Is it Jayce or just coming back here? I know you have problems with both ideas, but you need to try and separate the problem.”
“Easier said than done.” It seems to be my excuse for everything.
“You’ve been determined and single-minded since you left home. You’ve had a privileged life because of your success, and I’m confident you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Don’t let whatever ghosts you’re fighting ruin the next part of your life. You have family who loves you here. Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your own. That’s been your biggest flaw.” Tegan stands from the table and squeezes my shoulder. “I’m going to grab Natalie and help her with Hobnut. I’ll be back.”
Would she still feel the same if she knew the full story?
Probably. She’s Tegan. And a part of me wants to open up to her and explain why I couldn’t be the big sister I wanted to be all those years ago.
She has a life here. She has family. I’d have family. And I’m confident that if I did put my mind to this new venture, it would be a success.
Do I need to learn from the past rather than repeat the actions I took to heart all those years ago that led me to run?
I thought that’s what I needed to prove to myself—but what if my show of strength could come from simply asking for help, opening my heart, and letting go of the toxic memories I’ve carried for so long?
