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“That’s really great.” I stand up with Madison and kiss the top of her head.
After pizza and breadsticks, I help Haddie get the baby loaded up in her car. Once the car seat is snapped in place, I kiss my sleeping daughter. I shut the door and stand to my full height.
I cover my mouth as I yawn—that’s one thing about my job, I’m freaking exhausted every night when I get home. The only bad part of that is I haven’t been to a meeting since I started, but I need to get to one.
“Go inside and go to bed,” Haddie says as she smiles up at me. “Mom’s got Madison tomorrow since your dad’s in court all day, but you’re always welcome to come over if you want.”
I nod. “Okay, I’ll text you.” I stand on the driveway and watch her back out, give me a wave, and then pull away. As soon as the taillights disappear into the night, I head inside.
I step out of the little Baptist church, after my NA meeting, and make my way toward my truck, but freeze—across the street are Joe and Chloe, their son in his arms. Surprisingly, Chloe smiles and jogs across the street toward me. “Hey Chris. How are you?” I’m shocked when she wraps her arms around me.
“I—um—I’m good. Congrats on your boy. He looks like Joe,” I tell her and notice Joe walking slowly across the street toward us.
“He does, and he acts like him too,” she says with a laugh. “He keeps us on our toes. How are Haddie and Madison? We haven’t seen much of her lately.”
Is Chloe fishing for information? Joe comes and stands next to his wife, but doesn’t say anything to me. I can’t worry about him right now. There is a lot that needs to be said, but not here, not now.
“They’re good. Madison is really starting to recognize my voice and smiles at me. It has done wonders for Dad to take care of her.” Sure, he gets sad and still misses my mom terribly, but his granddaughter has eased something in his broken heart.
“That’s great. He was definitely the proud grandpa when she was born, passing out cigars to everyone he saw.” That makes me happy. “You haven’t officially met, but this is JJ.” She grabs the baby boy’s foot, shaking it.
I reach out my hand, grabbing his, and give it a shake. “What’s up, little dude?” He gives me a toothy, drooly smile. “He’s a good looking boy,” I say, looking at Joe, who shows no reaction whatsoever. I sound like a chick, but it fucking kills me.
“He sure is,” Chloe says and gives me a genuine smile.
We all stand on the sidewalk, looking at each other, and it’s awkward. I decide I’ll be nice and give them an out. I grab my phone, pretending to look at it. “I’ve got to get going. I think Dad wanted to go have dinner, but it was good seeing you.”
“Yeah, bye, Chris,” she says.
I watch them cross the street, and then climb in my truck. I stop by Starbucks and grab a coffee, then take it to the river where I sit and chain smoke. Joe and I were like brothers—fuck, no, we were brothers.
We did everything together, but then I fucked it all up. He can’t expect me to regret it though, because if it hadn’t happened then we wouldn’t have Madison. I wish I remembered that night, but I can’t go back and change anything.
That was one thing I learned in rehab, that I couldn’t change what put me there. I needed to just look forward, not back. It is obviously easier said than done. My phone pings and I see it’s a text from Haddie.
I open it and immediately smile. It’s a picture of Madison wrapped in a towel, smiling a toothless smile. I read the text.
Haddie: Someone just had a bath and wanted to say “night night Daddy.”
I type out a quick text to her.
Chris: Tell her I said “goodnight baby” and that I love her.
My phone dings and it’s another picture, but this time it’s Madison in Haddie’s arms and their faces are pressed together. Madison looks adorable and when I look at Haddie I realize just how beautiful she truly is. I mean, she was cute when she was a kid, but now as a woman, she’s fucking stunning. If our daughter looks anything like her, she’s never dating…ever.
I don’t know if she’s applying for sainthood, but I don’t deserve to have her in my life. I still don’t understand why she’s my biggest cheerleader after what I did to her. I’m just thankful she’s letting me be part of Madison’s life.
Haddie
“Why did I let you talk me into this?” I glare at my big sister, and she just laughs her ass off.
She got me to do this stupid ass Crossfit again, and I must’ve blocked out how hard it was last time. At least I didn’t collapse on the mat this time. I use the hand towel Abby brought for me to wipe the sweat pouring down my face. She hands me a bottle of water and I slam it down.
“You know, it really sucks that you have a perfect modelesque body,” she says as she looks me over.
I shake my head. “What are you talking about? I’m built like a boy. You’re the one with the smokin’ hot body.” My sister has always been beautiful, and now that she’s happily married and has four beautiful children, she is always freaking glowing.
Don’t get me wrong, she and Ben fight and the kids drive her crazy, but after what she went through, she deserves to glow.
