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“It just looks painful.” He brushes my hair back. “Your parents had plans to go out of town tonight to go see Parker in Charleston, so Dad’s going to keep Madison for tonight. Abby is going to help him if he needs it. They want you to get some sleep.” He leans forward, kissing my forehead. “Joe told me what happened.” I close my eyes, my anger rising. “He apologized to me.”
“Wha?” I try to sit up, but he makes me lay down.
“No baby, lay down. It’s all good, I promise. He feels like shit and blames himself for you getting hurt. He told me he’s sorry he’s been giving me a rough time.” Chris sighs. “Baby, I forgive him, because if the roles were reversed and she were my sister, I’d be upset too. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be close like we used to be, but I think this will be good.”
I nod and wince because my head hurts.
Chris stands up and moves toward the door. “I’m going to go get your prescriptions, some foods that’ll be easy for you to eat, and some ice cream.” He stops in the doorway and turns to look at me. “I love you.”
Will I ever get tired of hearing him say that? I open my mouth to tell him I love him too, but he shakes his head and points to his mouth. I close my eyes, sinking into the pillows, and promptly pass out.
Chris
Haddie sleeps soundly on the sofa while Madison and I go for a walk. It’s been three days since her accident. Her eyes no longer look swollen, but they’re ringed by dark purple. She’s got a splint over the outside of her nose, splints inside to hold her nasal passage open, and it’s still packed with gauze. Her lip is still swollen and has dissolvable stitches on the inside of it.
She’ll have to wear the wires in her mouth for at least another week or so. Right now she’s on an all soft food diet because she can’t really chew anything. Madison kicks her legs, bringing my attention back to my baby girl.
I’m holding her hands and she tries pulling one of my fingers into her mouth. She’s cutting another tooth because she’s a drool monster and tries to chew on everything. “Baby girl, how about I get you a jogging stroller and then you and I can go running? What do you think?”
“Ba, ba, do, dah,” Madison chatters happily. She happily kicks her legs as we walk. We stop at the park, and while she’s strapped to my chest, I take her on the swings. Although we don’t swing high it’s still enough for her to squeal.
I wish I could see her face right now, but the way she’s kicking her arms and legs I know she’s having a good time.
It doesn’t take long before baby girl hits the wall and passes out. I kiss the back of her head and then get off the swings. We make our way back home, and when we step inside, I find some guy sitting on the sofa with Haddie. They turn when I close the door.
“Hi, twhis is Gwam.”
The guy stands up and sticks out his hand. “Hey, I’m Graham, a friend of Haddie’s.”
I haven’t met him, but she told me he was a good friend to her, so I take his hand. “Nice to meet you. Haddie’s told me a lot about you.”
“Same,” he says. “I hadn’t heard from this one.” He points to her. “What happened?”
I give him the version I got from Joe, which is what happened. He didn’t sugarcoat blaming himself—that if he hadn’t moved when she tried to shove him she wouldn’t have fell.
“Damn girl, you really are clumsy.” He shakes his head. “Do you need anything? Either of you?”
I shake my head as I pull a sleeping Madison out of the carrier. Haddie holds her hands out and I hand the baby to her.
Graham doesn’t stay long, and when he leaves, I walk him out. “What’s the damage?” We stop at the bottom of the steps.
“Her nose is broken. She knocked her two front teeth out, and she has them wired into her mouth until the roots grow and attach to her jaw. Her lip is stitched on the inside and she’s pretty scraped up.” Shit, that’s a mouthful.
“Jesus. I know she said she was clumsy, but this is like next level clumsy. I’m glad they have you.”
“I’m glad I have them.”
He smiles and gives a nod. “Haddie has my number. I’m serious, if you need anything, give me a call.”
“I appreciate it. It was nice meeting you.” I slap him on the back and turn around to head upstairs. When I step inside, I smile right away. Haddie is asleep with our little girl on her chest. While they nap, I straighten up the kitchen, and then pour myself the last little bit of coffee.
I haven’t been on social media much since I got sober—not really wanting to see my old party buds and old fuck buddies. Before I think better of it, I log onto Facebook. I swipe up over and over as I stare at pictures of families, babies, and pets.
My old buddy, Shane, who was also my coke dealer, has a post pop up. It’s a picture of him and some of the guys we partied with. He looks swollen, kind of like I did right before I got sober. I pull up his profile page and unfriend and block him, and then spend the next half hour doing that with old party buds and girls I used to fuck.
Once that’s done, I don’t know how I feel about it and that scares me. I should be happy that I did this. Don’t get me wrong, I am, but every now and then there is this teeny tiny piece in my brain telling me that I could drink or use just a little and it wouldn’t hurt anything.
I think I need to go to a meeting today. There’s one in the basement at the library later today, I think. What is wrong with me? In the living room I find the girls are still asleep. I decide to lie down just for a minute and close my eyes.
