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The bone-deep weariness behind his words pulled her up short. ‘What do you mean?’
Tawny eyes turned grave. ‘From the very beginning you pinned high hopes on me—your need for a family, for togetherness. Don’t think I didn’t know what the Bali trip was all about. Did it occur to you that I wasn’t in a position to provide you with all of that?’
Ice skated down her spine. ‘Where is this coming from? If you felt like this, then why did you bother to come to Bali?’
He looked away. ‘You rarely ask me for anything any more. You asked for that and I couldn’t refuse you.’
‘So you came anyway, knowing I was trying to save our marriage but knowing you had no intention of engaging with me?’
‘I was hoping you’d see we were beyond help.’
‘Well, silly me. That sailed right over my head.’
His jaw tightened. ‘I was wrong, of course, to think things would go smoothly with you around; wrong to think I would be spared the reminder that I’ve failed you.’
‘I’m just trying to understand—’
‘Understand why I don’t fit into your mould of a perfect husband and father? Because, above all else, it’s what you want, isn’t it?’
‘Above all else? God, you make me sound like a needy, pathetic creature.’ He remained silent and the ice unfurled. ‘Is that what you really think of me?’
‘I’ve never been good at the family thing, Ava. My parents had their hands full with Roberto. He was their number one priority for a very long time. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t neglected but I learned very quickly to be content with my own company. After a while, I preferred it.’
‘Then why marry me?’
‘You were carrying my child.’
The numbing ice encased her whole being. He stilled for a moment then jerked closer, the edges of regret on his face as he lifted his hand. She ducked out of reach before he could touch her.
‘You don’t need to soften the blow,’ she forced out. ‘In all things I would prefer brutal honesty.’
‘Has it ever occurred to you that I keep you in the dark for your own protection?’
‘I’m not a child, Cesare. And I especially don’t want to be kept in the dark about things that affect our daughter. I want the truth. Always.’
A bleak look entered his eyes and his shoulders stiffened. ‘In that case you need to know something else,’ he said.
Her heart lurched. ‘What?’
‘Although he was sick on and off for months, we don’t actually know what Roberto succumbed to in the end. That was part of the reason for Celine’s visit.’
‘Her...what exactly does Celine do?’
‘She’s a doctor.’
Her brain cogs slowly engaged until his meaning sank in. ‘So asking about Annabelle...?’
‘She also wanted to check on her medically. On all of us.’
Fear tightened her chest. ‘What does she think could be wrong? And please don’t sugar-coat the truth to protect me.’
‘We honestly don’t know. Roberto refused medical treatment in the weeks before his death. It could even be that he took his own life.’ Raw pain drenched every word.
‘Suicide?’ she rasped. ‘Dear God.’ She sank into the chair. After several minutes, she raised her head. ‘Is there anything else I should know?’
He visibly pulled in the reins of his control. ‘No. The results of the cause of death should be available in the next few days. But tomorrow morning we’ll call Celine and you’ll apologise for your behaviour. Si?’ The soft, dangerous tone sent sweet shudders chasing up her spine, melting the ice just a little.
‘And if I refuse?’
‘Cristo, why do you challenge me at every turn?’
‘Because I’m not a doormat. You liked that about me once, remember?’
‘I’m not in the mood to reminisce about us.’
She wanted to tear her gaze away, to stomp away in fury, but she was frozen, held captive by the magic of his voice, the seductive uniqueness of his scent that filled her senses, made her want to linger a while longer, breathing him in.
‘If you meant what you just said about your...deficiencies, I think it’s in all of our best interest that we tackle the subject of us sooner or later, don’t you think?’
‘Don’t push me tonight, Ava. I’m at my limit.’
Something softened inside her. ‘Not tonight.’ She stepped closer, an invisible cord pulling her to him, his heat a craving she couldn’t resist. Tentatively, she touched his firm cheek. ‘I’m truly sorry about Roberto. Will you tell me if there’s anything I can do?’
