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My gaze flicked to her bare leg and slowly traveled up to her shapely hips, barely covered by eight-bit heart panties. My eyes continued up along the milky, freckled skin of her bare stomach to the tantalizing cropped shirt with retro controller buttons printed over her barely covered breasts.
I sucked in a quiet, hard breath, and tore my attention away, using Angel as a convenient excuse. The last thing I needed was an awkward boner in my underwear. “I didn’t realize you still wore that.”
Aya had given the outfit to Astrid as a Christmas gift our first year sharing the apartment, and after a lost bet that same night, Astrid had to wear it as her lounging outfit until we graduated. It’d been painful to resist the thoughts of coming up behind her and gliding my hands along her bare skin until I lifted the front up and—
My cock twitched, and I gave myself a mental slap.Not the time.
Astrid chuckled, as if it was clear what this tempting outfit did to me, and she got great amusement from my struggle. “I got so used to wearing it, it’s become part of my normal comforts.”
I chuckled. “And here I thought you were going to say you were lying in wait to use it to seduce someone.”
She snorted. “And who would I seduce? It’s just you and Aya here at the house.”
Not being considered an option to seduce was one way to cool my libido.
I finished scratching Angel behind the ear and approached. “If not to lay a seductive trap, why are you out here?”
She repositioned so I could sit down next to her. “Couldn’t sleep, so I thought sitting out here might help. What about you?”
“Also couldn’t sleep. I keep thinking about the rescue today.”
She nodded slowly and gazed out into the darkness beyond the house. “That’s been on my mind, too. That boy… is really lucky.”
I made a thoughtful sound. “Yeah. I’m glad they didn’t wait to call us in. I don’t want to think about what could have happened if we hadn’t been.”
She made a sound of agreement, and my brow lifted. She still gazed out. “That’s not what you were thinking about?”
Astrid worked her jaw, as if she were hesitant to tell me what was on her mind. I did my best not to react outwardly, though inwardly I couldn’t stop the concern mixed with disappointment she was still hiding something from me. I didn’t know what I had to do for her to trust me. We were friends. I didn’t understand why she didn’t think she could confide in me about everything.
“I had thought about that, don’t get me wrong,” she finally said. “It’s just not what I’ve been mulling over.”
Astrid pulled her legs up to her chest. “The way his parents fussed over him after they were reunited… he’s lucky to have two parents who love him.”
I turned toward her, my senses sharpening.What does she mean by that?
Astrid chewed her lower lip. “My mom… tried to kill me.”
Everything fell from under me.She what?
Neither Astrid nor Darius ever spoke of her mother. It was obvious the subject of her was a sensitive one by the way they reacted whenever someone asked questions, no matter how innocent their intent was.But that…
Never in a million years would I have guessed those words would ever come from Astrid’s mouth.
She turned her gaze to me—something so painfully sad, my chest ached. “I’ve wanted to tell you about it before, it’s just always been too difficult to admit out loud. Knowing one of your parents never loved you… it’s not easy to come to terms with. Knowing they found enjoyment in your pain and wanted to see you dead, it…”
She sighed, her shoulders drooping. “It takes so much time to heal from something like that. Especially when you try not to let other happy relationships get to you.”
My stomach knotted. She was referring to the affectionate way Dad and I spoke about my mom.
Her gaze fell away, and I didn’t like that. I reached out and pulled her into me, tangling my fingers in her hair and holding her against my chest.
Astrid sucked in an unsteady breath and snuggled into me. “I never wanted you to see that jealousy I felt. I never wanted you to know the anger I had at the world for taking her away from you, when she loved you so much—in the way I had always craved for a mom to love me.”
Her fingers curled against my bare chest. “I wanted so much to be content with having a dad who loved me like I was the best thing in the world, and that it didn’t bother me she was never there for all the big milestones I had. I wanted to forget the awful things she said and did and pretend my life was the best without her. But I could never forget the feelings she left behind. The ones that made me feel like I’d never be good enough.”
Her voice cracked. “Because, if she couldn’t love me, then why would anyone else?”
My grip tightened, emotions of rage, anguish, regret, love, and so much more swirling chaotically inside me. “Youarethe most amazing thing in this world. Youareworthy of so much love, Cielo. Don’t you ever think otherwise.”
