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I shook my head, rolling my eyes once again, making her laugh. “Either way, I think it’s clear, even though I don’t know how to feel about this situation with Tyr, Diego can’t be a choice. I can’t live with keeping secrets from Diego if I did get into a relationship with him. It wouldn’t be healthy. Even as friends, it’s not healthy.”
Aya shrugged. “Then tell him. Immortals and supernatural mortals melted into the shadows because the world stopped being safe for most of them. But that doesn’t mean select mortals can’t know. Hell, plenty do. I trust Diego. He can know if it makes things easier on us all. And really, with the way the world is going, it’s not like hiding is sustainable. We’re going to have to find some way to live alongside each other in the open, like before.”
I chewed my lip.Maybe…
Aya stood. “I’ll leave you to think and sort things out. It’s been a lot. Don’t hesitate to come to me with questions. I’m here for you.” She took my hand in hers. “You’re my family, always remember that.”
I stared at our hands and then squeezed when she went to pull away. “I do have something.”
The thought had swum in the back of my head for a while, mixing with the memories of Fenrir. How I’d tease and laugh with him. How I’d helped him through some tough choices. Healing him and bickering like he was another brother to me.
“I… want to see Fen.”
Her hand tensed.
I looked up at her to find surprise written all over her face. “Deep down, a part of me agrees with you. Fen, no matter how feral and out of control he might have gotten, would have never turned on me like that wolf in my dream—my memory. But… given the situation… I also can’t say that Tyr is wrong, either. So, I want to see him. I want to look him in the eye and make my decision that way.”
Aya’s lower lip trembled, and for a moment, I thought she might cry. She smiled instead. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear someone tell me I wasn’t crazy for not siding with Tyr.”
She squeezed my hand. “You know Tyr is going to be pissed if he finds out.”
I held up a finger. “When. Because we know it would only be a matter of when. And honestly, I don’t give a shit. It’s not his choice.”
Aya grinned. “I love your sass, you know that?”
I haughtily tossed my hair over my shoulder, making her laugh. She then left, promising to take care of everything, leaving me to process the insanity that was my life now.
Chapter Fifteen
Astrid
My fingernail tappedon my dark phone screen, competing with a mourning warbler imitating a squeaky wheel nearby in the brush. Okay, it wasn’t actually making that noise, but it sure as hell sounded like it in my pent-up state, and wasn’t helping my nerves.
Aya was going to text me when she was about to come back with Fen. She’d given me a day and a half to process everything; it hadn’t been easy. I had struggled with all the memories I’d received. No new ones had come about since, and I was grateful for that.
The memories I did have bled into ones I knew I’d personally experienced, making it difficult to remember what were mine and what were hers. And that brought me to the crux of my problems—how I was going to see all of this.
A part of me tried to reject the reality of everything I’d experienced and tried to rationalize what I’d seen. But another part told me that was running away, and I couldn’t do that. I had to embrace what really was, and that included accepting these memories weren’t from someone else, but mine, and mine alone.
It took me some time, but I had sided with that choice, and when I did, accepting this new reality of mine became so much easier. Of course, that hadn’t helped my relationships.
I’d distanced myself from Diego in all the obvious ways. I knew it was hurting him, and me, too, if I was honest with myself. Being this removed felt incredibly wrong, like I was cutting off a piece of me. Logically I knew I should stop acting like this, but I was dealing with too much to also figure out how to navigate around him. I still didn’t know what I was going to do about his confession and all my harbored feelings.
And then there was Tyr. Whatever had been building before the truth came out up and died—I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions. I wasn’t sure if they were present-mine, or past-mine. And for him, I couldn’t be so sure he was desiring me now, or the woman I used to be. So, until I was ready to tackle that, I kept my distance from him, too.But it’s also uncomfortable being distant with him…
My phone chimed and the screen lit up. My pulse jumped, only for it to skitter and plummet to my stomach. Here I was hoping Aya was ready to get this over with, but no, it was Diego, wondering where I was. I sent him back a brief message letting him know Aya and I had gone out for a walk and would be back later.
This was the cover we’d worked up before she’d literally disappeared in front of me. That had been one hell of a heart attack. And the bitch had the audacity to send me an“Oops, sorry”text a moment later, explaining she had the ability to teleport anywhere she wished, and it was something I’d relearn, too, once we figured out my magic.
It also explained why I was sitting in the middle of the woods, alone. It might be good for me to help get my thoughts in order, but it was also ideal to keep this meeting more secretive. This way, neither Diego nor Tyr would be aware what was going to happen, but I didn’t have to go anywhere. Aya was quite concerned about that last part, and wanted me to stay within the protective magic she’d apparently erected around the property.
I hadn’t realized to what lengths she’d gone, protecting me with her magic. Even when she faked her death as Randi, and followed me to college, she’d made sure that if I wasn’t going to be in a building she could use her magic around, she’d be with me. If I didn’t know how many times I’d died, I might have found her paranoia concerning. But I was touched, and also concerned she had to worry so much for my sake.
Leaves crunched. I jerked my head up from my phone to spot Tyr approaching. He had a relaxed posture, though I spotted hesitation in his steps.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey.” He looked around. “Why are you alone in the woods?”
