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LENA
Irub my nose along the top of the baby’s head and breathe in her sweet baby smell. It always calms me.
“I don’t know how you do that,” Janet says as she watches me. Everyone at the daycare thinks I’m a baby whisperer. If a baby is crying, they hand them off to me and instantly, the baby stops. I hold the little girl close, rocking her back and forth. My shift is over, but I want to make sure she’s really asleep before I put her down. I continue to sway with her in my arms. The others might be right. The babies always do calm down when I hold them, but they also have the same effect on me.
I walk over to one of the cribs and put the little bundle of joy down. I don’t want to, but I know it’s time to go.
“I guess I’m out.” I let out a long sigh, knowing that I’ll be going home to an empty house again tonight. I try not to dwell on it.
“I wish you could stay longer but . . .” Janet trails off, and I know. The rules are the rules. We can only work so many hours in a day at the daycare center. I’m maxed out for the day and have to clock out.
“It’s okay.” I give Janet a side hug. “Text me if you need extra hands tomorrow.”
“Will do.” Janet wants me to come on full-time, but I can’t bring myself to make that commitment. I don’t want them relying on me and then I have some weird meltdown. I hate the idea of letting someone down by not showing up to work. I only agreed to come in today because Kimber made me. She’d been right. Once I walked in the doors of the daycare and got my hands on a little one, I felt better. Not a hundred percent but better.
I grab my bag before heading out to my car to make the short drive home. When I pull in my driveway, my eyes immediately dart over to Heath’s place. I have no idea if he’s home or not. There’s been no movement from his place since he’d up and left before we could even have the dinner he’d asked for. I thought he was cool with me saying it was all so fast, but I guess he wasn't. I didn’t hesitate because I thought it was too fast. I’d wanted him. I had no doubt about that. It was all the feelings that I was having that were overwhelming me, that had me pushing back from him. I’m not used to some of the things he made me feel. I’m far more used to panicking when I experience a barrage of emotions all at once. Just the thought of him seeing me have one of my meltdowns caused me to break our kiss. I don’t know why I keep harping on it. It doesn’t matter what I could’ve done differently. He’d gone running and hasn't come back. It wasn't one of my meltdowns that caused his sudden departure but the fact that I wasn't an easy lay.
I throw my car into park harder than I should and jerk the keys out of the ignition. The funny part is that I most likely would have let him have his way with me if he’d stuck around for the rest of the night. He had me right where he wanted me, but it turns out he didn’t want me at all. Thank God he hadn't. Now I know what kind of person he really is. I want no part of him anymore.
“Jerk,” I mumble, hitting my steering wheel. I don’t know why I even stalked him. He issonot worth my stellar sleuthing skills. I rub my palm, having hit the wheel too hard. I’m stalling. Or better yet, I’m lying to myself while hoping he’s going to pull up at any second, and I’ll see him. And then he’ll beg my forgiveness and shower me with fresh flowers and pumpkin spice lattes, and--I scream when Jinx lands on my hood.
“Jinx!” My heart pounds. I swear he smiles before he jumps off with easy grace.
I give in, pulling myself from the car and making my way inside my house with Jinx hot on my heels. I shut the door but don’t lock it out of spite, as if Heath would ever even know.
“One day I’m going to figure out how you’re getting out of this house.” I wag my finger at Jinx.
He walks over to the sofa, hopping up to lie on the back and look out the window, his ass to me.
“Now who’s the stalker?” I toss my bag onto the chair and get out my phone. It starts to ring, helping me find it as the screen lights up with Kimber’s name.
“Hey,” I say as I lift the phone so she can see my face.
“You still look sad.”
I lie on the couch and try to look more chipper for her, though I know she knows I’m down. At least her face always brings me comfort. I shrug. “I’m okay.”
“Did the babies make you feel better?”
“Yeah. You were right; I needed to get out. I felt good while I was there, but now I feel both sad and angry at the same time. I’m also disappointed that he’s not who I thought he was,” I say, knowing that a majority of this is my own fault. I’d built him up in my mind to be a certain way, and I can only blame myself that he’s not who I thought he was.
“He could have had an emergency secret mission come up that he had to go on,” Kimber says, but I know she’s only trying to cheer me up.
I have to admit that it does spark my interest a little, but I have to stop living in this fantasy world that I’ve created. My mystery man is really not a mystery at all. He’s just a man trying to get laid, and when he realized I was going to take extra effort, he ditched me.
“I wish I could come there.” I mean, I could. I have money my grandmother left me. I’m just not really sure how I’d do on a plane alone.
“I wish I could come see you too.” She can’t up and leave classes or she’d already be here. She’d likely be next door trying to burn down Heath’s house. So it’s probably a good thing she can’t get out of her classes. Besides, I need to adult and figure this one out on my own.
She jostles her phone, her face going shaky for a moment. “You just need a new mission.”
“Mission ‘figure out how Jinx is getting out of this house?’” I joke and roll over to my side. That killer cat is a way better stalker spy than I was, that’s for sure.
“How about you figure out your grandma? Heath told you some. Why don’t you go digging around that house?”
“I don’t know. It feels wrong?” It bothers me that I had a grandma who knew I existed but was never a part of my life. I think I’m mad at her. Mad at a dead person? Great. What does that get me? Nothing.
“You stalked the man next door,” she reminds me. I stick my tongue out at her because she’s right. I roll over again to lay on my side but overshoot and slip off the sofa, hitting the ground with a thud.
