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Milla
Halcyon: a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.
Thoughts of my childhood always brought a contented smile to my face but they also brought a melancholy feeling, too, which distorted the happy memories. It overpowered them. When I looked back, it was like seeing through a looking glass, but from another perspective.
No one could predict the future, which was unfortunate as I would have happily given up my trust fund to the person who could map out the explosives I would have to avoid on my impending minefields. There were always minefields with me, and as much as I learned to swerve the bombs as best I could, it was never fool proof or safe. Always getting cut by the fragments, by the blowback—it was inevitable. I didn’t expect it to stop anytime soon.
I wasn’t truly living in the present. I was a walking carcass, enduring and sliding through the motions of everyday life, studying a degree for a future I was unsure I would live to see or make use of. It seemed heartbreakingly pointless, and not for the first time I wondered if I really wanted to study at all, to waste all these years for nothing.But it may not be for nothing, a little voice in my head told me. Hope was a tricky emotion which played in my mind and sometimes overtook rationality.
Around the campus over the last few weeks, I’d often seen glimpses of the men who were once the people around which my entire world revolved. They weren’t lacking in friends or admirers; it did not surprise me at all. It wasn’t just about who they were, it was how they were, how they acted, and the aura of dangerous energy around them, drawing people in. People wanted to be them or be with them. Strangers would probably sacrifice their loved ones for a chance to be within their presence.
I strolled into one of the large common rooms, forgetting momentarily that this was their main hang out area. It was a space I usually tried to avoid like my life depended on it. Coming to a quick stop, I spotted Texas and the head mean girl, Barbie, practically dry humping each other on one of the larger couches, with no one sitting in the immediate vicinity. I could feel the heat sizzling between them, and I’d just walked in.Jesus.
Moving my gaze over the rest of the room, I saw others kept their heads turned away from the prime show, clearly either used to it or didn’t want to address it. Although I did see a few guys dart their eyes quickly back and forth trying not to be too obvious, sporting obvious hard ons pressing against their pants. It made me snort because that was just typical guys. I slammed a hand over my mouth to keep the rest of the sound in not wanting to bring attention to myself.
I glowered back in their direction, watching her grind on his lap as she straddled him, performing a lap dance, kissing him like her mouth on his depended on her survival. And he returned it tenfold, grabbing one hip of hers with his hand, urging her to grind back down onto him, with the other buried in her hair, directing the movement of her head for the kiss.
As I kept glancing in that direction, an unwelcome emotion came over me, crawling through my veins. Jealousy.Fuck no. I pushed that away, stuffing it to the back of my mind forcefully. I was not jealous.Yeah right.
I could admit to myself that in an ideal world those three men who haunted my dreams would be mine, no need to choose between them. But fairy tales didn’t exist, and I preferred not to lie to myself too often. It was just an unrealistic fantasy, like a movie reel every so often. Not that I could say I cared what played out. But my vision would stay locked up tightly, alongside the thousand other items that sat there not to be known in the light of day.
Turning away from the obvious public sex show happening, I caught a knowing smirk on Texas’ lips in the corner of my eye, and I justknewthat he’d seen the emotions play across on my face. Cursing myself internally for letting my mask slip, I swept out the room, not knowing where I was going but aware I needed to get away from him and the scene he’d created.
Hurrying down the hallways, I made it to one of the outside courtyards, not really remembering the path I even took to get here, which wasn’t good. I needed to be on my guard, and couldn't let that slip. I wasn’t surrounded by allies here; I was within the wolves’ den with them circling, waiting for the moment I slipped so they’d pounce.
I sat on a cold metal bench alone, and took a moment. I closed my eyes to push all those unnecessary thoughts away and re-centred myself. It wasn’t long before I realised that someone had watched me,andsat down on my bench, when there were clearly plenty of others available. That pissed me off. Personal space, dude.
Tilting my head to the left as I crossed one leg over the other, I found a set of muddy brown eyes already focussed on me. His body turned towards me, giving me his full attention, and not making a secret of assessing me. I lifted my eyebrow with a silent question, gaining a mischievous smile in return.
“That turn you on?” Preston asked, trying to seek the truth in my eyes. But I’d slipped back into the uncaring mask where comments slid off me easily, so he was efficiently locked out.
“What?” I murmured, thoroughly confused by his question until it clicked that,oh crap,he watched me, watching them.
And he saw me hightail it out of there like a teenager led by her hormones being caught doing something she shouldn’t have.How embarrassing. Not that I’d be showing him that his words affected me. He continued grinning at me like a creeper, like he could see straight into my mind and skimming through my thoughts, I didn’t like that at all.
“Come on,” he drawled slowly, leading me down this particular conversational path that he clearly wanted to have. “Were you turned on or jealous watching them?” He looked at me again. Even though I was perfecting my mask, not giving him even an inch of my thoughts, he told me, “Both, definitely both.”
Fuck him, the voyeur.Guess you could plant me in that category too now, though.
“Didn’t realise I signed up to an interrogation,” I sassed back, plastering a smirk on my face for good measure. “And jealous? Please… I’d rather claw my own eyes with blunt fingernails than have to see the pathetic attempt of that sexual performance ever again. It was like watching Barbie and GI Joe go at it PG style but on edge waiting for Ken to walk back in to catch them in the act and throw them out the Dreamhouse.” I shuddered in mock disgust, holding a smile in when Preston bellowed out an unguarded laugh.
It was pretty surprising to hear his genuine laughter once again, especially knowing I was the one who created it. I could always tell between his forced laughs and the sincere ones. It was something I used to pride myself on, knowing that I knew him well enough to notice the contrast. Even though everything else changed, I was glad that hadn’t.
He stood up, holding his large hand out in invitation. “Let’s go somewhere.”
I took a moment to consider it as an option before deciding why the hell not. Grabbing his hand, I uncrossed my legs and he pulled me up from the bench to straight into him. My body lined against his. Too close.
I stepped back, dropping his hand, trying to ignore the slight flash of dejection in his gaze, sneaking a peek round to check no one had seen—I couldn’t have rumours going round about me getting back to all the wrong people. It just wasn’t worth it, and even as much as I wanted to.
“Sorry. Just habit,” I tried to explain pathetically. It hurt me that I hurt him, and I loathed that.
“I get it,” he grunted. But he didn’t, he really didn’t.
I just couldn’t correct him and explain what flashed through my mind, so instead I changed the subject, wiping any negative thoughts for the time being.
“Where are you taking me?” I questioned, wondering what he’d thought of when he offered.
“You’ll see.” He grinned, eyes alight with some emotion I couldn’t decipher. Shrugging at his answer, I followed his lead back into the building, weaving down hallways as we made our way towards one of the car parking lots.
