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A lot had shifted for my sister in a short amount of time. My dad and I wanted to keep the truth of what happened to me away from her until she was older so as not to give her nightmares. She was already dealing with our parents’ marriage breakup, and just turning thirteen was not the time to drop more bombshells on her; however, we had to give her some truth seeing as it was hot news and Kai appeared from nowhere. A year on, and not much had changed in that department.
They had given Adrian West a lengthy prison sentence within a highly secured facility which hadn’t been advertised officially. Information had finally poured freely from him but within days of his sentencing he’d been murdered. Assassinated.
A professional job. The details were muddy as to who’d done it as no one had been caught or charged. Someone snuck onto high security prison grounds to take him out. We knew it was someone shutting him up for good about the trafficking business so no more knowledge could be put in the hands of those who were able to investigate further. It was rife in other states around the country. The Owls had contact with some of their organisations and helped where they could.
Adrian West’s business partners were either killed by the Owls or restrained and brought before officials who successfully put them behind bars. Many of them weren’t at the warehouse.
I was informed that the Owls procured vital information which played a big part in the entire operation being called to a halt in the state. Names of those corrupt and a part of The Pavilion, including some well-known business people in prominent positions, were released. As were those across multiple departments of the police force, as well as a large number who worked within the social services sector. Men and women. It was nauseating that those in trusted positions would sacrifice innocents to further their agenda, and for a slice of income.
Many of them, with information, had been assassinated alongside Adrian, in the same way; within an even time frame, giving nobody the chance to save them and hide them away to prevent the spill of information. A part of me was glad they were dead, selfishly. Another part, not so much. It proved that there were enough people outside our state, with a vested interest and had no desire to stop, even though a chunk of their business leg had been forcefully removed.
After finding out the extent of Adam’s deceit, Lizzie was gobsmacked and sickened to her core. She begged for my forgiveness, and I granted it to her despite the names she called me. What she said created a dent, but not having her in my life at all would widen that. I refused to give up the type of friendship we had just because we’d gone through something life altering. But it wasn’t without bumps we had to navigate.
She’d been there for me in the middle of the night when I’d woken up screaming in a sweaty heap from the memories that forced themselves into my brain, wanting to be acknowledged and refusing to be ignored.
Four weeks. That was all I was given space wise before Preston, Hollis, and Texas sneakily inserted themselves back into my life and routine.
They became relentless.
I pushed them away, avoided and denied them at every turn. I constantly kept rebuilding walls to keep them at a distance. I’d pummelled myself into a state of exhaustion while I consistently fought with them. I fought until every bone in my body felt bruised from the upkeep, including my heart.
“Keep pushing us. I told you, you’re not getting rid of us. You thought I lied about that, huh? I meant it. We know you’re fucking lost, a bit damaged, but so fucking what? You think that’ll make us walk away?” Preston chuckled, and I was so tempted to put my self-defence lessons to good use, but I knew he’d have me laid out and restrained before I made that hit.
“Do your fucking worst, because we guarantee that your soul will find that tether between us that you’ve tried to shred with all that pent up energy. It won’t work, though. Fracture and demolish our hearts until you’re content and you have nothing left to give. We’ll still be standing with open arms for you, the scars you inflict mean fuck all against not having you for keeps. So, continue trying us, Milla. We’re inevitable.” I sneered at him and wordlessly walked away, but his words played across my mind. They snuck through that crack that I couldn’t cement over, the one that was open just for them.
Subconsciously I think I was testing them, pushing them to their limits seeing what it would take to push them over the edge and walk away from me. At times I genuinely believed they wanted to wring my neck and shove some sense down my throat, but they took it. Every hurtful word I threw at them, they let it brush off their shoulders like it didn’t affect them. But it haunted me.
While I pushed them away, they took the time to get to know my son. They took an interest in his life and enjoyed time with him. Doing kid things with him, and not in a way to get me back. No, they made him a priority, making him feel loved, welcomed. As if he had always had a place here, when the truth of his existence was a stunned bombshell. That softened me immensely.
Two weeks after Preston told me in no uncertain terms that we were inevitable, I gave in. I gave up and accepted it. And even though I’d tried to make myself whole by myself, for me, I realised that I didn’t care about healthy expectations, because being without them made my heart sick with a bone deep longing that could only be cured by diving directly into the belly of my very own beasts. Mine.
“Took you long enough,” Texas told me when I turned up on their doorstep. I winced trying to apologise, but he silenced my words as he slammed his mouth to mine, tightly gripping the back of my head and attacked my mouth in a wild fever. I matched his tempo stroking my tongue up against his, only removing myself when I needed to come up for air. Then he proceeded to drag me to the living area where the other two sat with savage glints in their eyes. We never made it to a bedroom for the first two times, and it was three sex induced days’ later that I emerged, my whole body wickedly tender with the best kind of aches and pains. We’d spent a hell of a lot of time reacquainting in those seventy-two hours. Every minute was permanently engraved in my mind to this day.
I’d been split into many directions over the past year. Trying to find myself. Trying to be a parent and gain full custody of Kai, which just a few weeks ago I’d been granted. Trying to navigate things with Preston, Texas, and Hollis.
Having to tell my child that his father was dead broke my heart, for him. He cried, he screamed, he acted out as his behaviour spiralled. From what I’d researched and spoken to professionals about, it was normal. But it killed me.
When Kai was older I knew I’d have to sit down and explain the circumstances around Adam’s death. That would be a hard blow. One that I wasn’t sure he’d forgive me for. He loved his dad, because he technically raised him and knew no different. But knowing the atrocities Adam had caused, making him the man he died as? That would undoubtedly change his perspective. I’d have to be there to guide him.
In the future, I knew he might blame the men I loved, the people we now called our family. Texas, Preston and Hollis were already concerned. Val, Chris and my dad waved it off, telling us they’d be there every step of the way to support us, but most importantly Kai.
“I’m starving,” I moaned, sliding into the seat between Hollis and Preston and biting into the hotdog. I licked the juices from my lips, garnering three heated gazes. I ignored it; they always did this. Us four could never get enough of one another. It was an issue whenever we had somewhere to be. If I wasn’t pinned to a wall by one of them, it was a bed, a desk, a car hood…
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Texas asked casually, like he didn’t just drop a bomb in the middle of a calm gathering with our close family in attendance.
“Fuck, no. I’m not!”
My dad pinned Texas with his gaze, letting him know his comments weren’t appreciated.I’m with you on that one, dad. Others round the large outside wooden table snickered, happy to let this play out.
It had become like this over the last few months. We’d all get together in Chris and Val’s house, my dad’s or at Hollis’. My second home; I split the time between dad’s and Hollis’ as Kai’s stability was being at my dad’s. We were shopping around for a new forever home, the guys and me, one to incorporate our needs as well as Kai’s, and close enough to all our family.
“I’m only twenty,” I protested, throwing my hands in the air and narrowing my eyes at him. I was one hundred percent not pregnant, and I could guarantee that would not be happening any time soon. I had one child already and had missed out on most of his life, I refused to take away that attention from him at this moment in time.
“If it was me, I’d have another one soon, so Kai has a little playmate,” Valerie pointed out, not so helpfully.
“Yeah…” Texas remarked. A smirk played on his lips, which he tried to smother out. It wasn’t working.
I swear ever since we’d sorted ourselves out, where I’d committed to them and they to me, they’d gone all‘me Tarzan, you Jane.’I couldn’t deny that they were physically stronger than me, but they’d tried to wrap me up in cotton wool so nothing would touch me. I’d had to remind mythreetwenty-two-year-old boyfriends as nicely as possible without losing my temper that I wasn’t some wallflower who’d sit in a padded room to be kept safe just for their benefit.I’d never admit that I swooned like a pre-teen. They’d never stop then.Some things were better left unsaid.
