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I quietly unlock the door, letting myself inside. The staff Kaden hired to care for my mother is still doing a good job, though I notice some dishes in the sink. Likely from dinner, after everyone had already left for the day.
I putter around the house, quietly cleaning them. I don’t mind as it gives me something to focus on. I do a little more anxious straightening of things, whether the house really needs it or not. After a couple of hours, I finally feel my eyelids getting heavy. But I notice that even here, I don’t like the idea of sleeping alone.
What is Kaden doing to me? I spend the morning missing him and resort to spending the day with his family. Now, I don’t want to go to bed because I miss sleeping with him. I’m unsure how I’m letting my feelings for him grow this much. All I know is that I want my husband home.
I smile at my use of the word husband, meaningfully this time. I slip into my mother’s room, pull back the covers and crawl in bed with her. It reminds me of being a kid, creeping into my mom’s room when I didn’t feel well. My mom briefly wakes and smiles at me, not questioning my appearance, and goes back to bed.
I’ll worry about the next few days, one at a time. For now, I’m going to try and get some sleep,I think before I drift into a peaceful sleep.
27
AMBER
It’s only been four days since Kaden left for his business trip, but I’m missing him like crazy. I don’t even understand my feelings entirely. Before him, the thought of letting another man come into my life and have this kind of hold on me would make me laugh.
But now, I sit in bed, thinking about how much I miss him. It’s starting to terrify me. I have been working overtime all week, trying to distract my mind during the day. Then I come home and distract my mind with chores all evening. But bedtime proves to be the most challenging time of all.
I lie in our bed, in the same spot I’m in now, doing the same thing. I stare at the ceiling, thinking of how he feels lying next to me and how much I miss his warmth. It’s almost ridiculous how little sleep I’m running on.
Amber, get it together. You’re not even supposed to have feelings for him, and here you are lying in bed, barely able to move without him. You look ridiculous. What will you tell him when he comes home and asks how your week was or what you did?
I feel my cheeks heat up at the thought of admitting to him how pathetic I am.You can’t tell him you just worked your ass off and cleaned every square inch of the mansion. ‘Sorry, honey. I sent the maid home this week and cleaned the house enough for the next two months, and you should probably give her an advance!’ No. He’s going to think you’re ridiculous.
My mind often wonders what he’s doing and who he’s with.I bet he’s enjoying himself, drinking cold beers while his business partners order him the best steaks in town.
But it also makes me wonder if there’s any slight chance he’s missing me, too.I’m sure it’s not in the same unhealthy way you’re missing him. But maybe he misses me, even if it’s just a little. At least, I hope he does…
It’s almost two o’clock on my day off. After not doing anything all morning, I finally decide to get up and find something to eat. I get a head rush as soon as I sit up, making me realize how long I’ve been laying here.
As soon as I stop feeling dizzy, I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge to find something easy to make.Perfect, I have my leftover sandwich from lunch yesterday. No cooking is required.
I grab a soda and sit at the bar. Opening my sandwich, I remove it from the bag. Sitting at the bar for lunch feels weird because I usually watch TV on my off days on the sofa in the living room.
Now, I can’t hold the remote without feeling sad, making me hate myself even more. As I try taking a bite of my sandwich, I miss my mouth, and the mayonnaise rolls down my chin. I laugh at myself as I wipe it off.Oh my God, you’re even losing your ability to eat like an adult!
Finally, I’m able to eat my sandwich and finish my soda once I clean up my mess. After I throw away the wrapper and soda can, I look around the room, wondering what I can clean next. Then the library comes to mind.
Perfect! Kaden has enough books in the library to keep me busy alphabetizing for days!I make my way down the hall. After turning down the wrong way several times, I finally find the doorway I’m looking for. This huge house still confuses me at times.
I walk inside, grab my phone out of my pocket and turn on some music. The radio is playing the perfect songs to pump me up as I sort through the books. Suddenly, I hear the ding of my cell phone, alerting me to a message.
I climb off the step stool and grab the phone, hoping it’s a message from Kaden as he hasn’t messaged yet today. When I open the screen, I realize it’s a text from an unknown number. I click to look at it, and my heart drops.
It’s an image of Kaden sitting with a beautiful blonde celebrity next to him.What the hell is he doing?
Anger boils inside me the longer I look at it, and envy consumes me. I’m feeling incredibly insecure. I can’t believe he’s away from me, acting like he’s single.
Then it occurs to me.In a way, he is single. I have no right to be mad at him. Our agreement was no cheating, but he can talk to any woman he wants. Still, why is he out doing this in public where people can see that the woman he’s with clearly isn’t the woman he’s supposed to be married to?
I shake my head, trying to decide if it’s still the jealousy talking. But the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced my point is valid.
Doesn’t this undermine our whole story? What’s he thinking? Obviously, someone’s seeing him misbehave and trying to warn me. Or maybe it’s from the girl, trying to let me know she’s taking my place…
I feel nauseous, and I’m so angry all I want to do is cry. I can feel tears well in my eyes and threaten to spill over, but I’m fighting them as hard as possible.
You can’t cry for him. You can’t let him have this satisfaction. When he comes home, you have to act like everything’s fine. You need to forget everything you thought was happening between the two of you and look at this picture. He’s a playboy. He’s using you.
I slam the library door and run down the hall to the bathroom. But I don’t use mine and Kaden’s. Instead, I use the guest bathroom. I don’t even want to be in the same shower as the one we used together. I can’t stand the thought of it now.
