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It’s now or never, Kaden. You have one chance to fix this. Tell her how you feel!
“Look, Amber. I need to tell you something before you finish packing. Can you come sit down?” I ask, patting the mattress beside me. She nods and walks over, sitting carefully and folding her hands on her lap.
I take a deep breath, terrified to continue but almost more terrified not to.
No matter what happens, you must get your feelings off your chest. You can’t let her leave here today without knowing how you feel about her. Or you will never be able to live with yourself. Here goes nothing,I think as I start my confession,
“Amber, I’m so in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for so many years. But before our arrangement, I didn’t even realize it. Over the last few months, I’ve grown so happy with you and our life together.”
I pause for a moment, watching a tear roll down her cheek before I continue. “I know I told you the other day that I didn’t want children, so I understand why you were scared to tell me when you found out. But I wasn’t being truthful when I said that.”
I chuckle a little to myself. “To be honest, if I knew I was being tested, I would have picked my words more carefully. And you didn’t let me finish. I do want children, and I do want a family. But, I want both of those things with you….” I pause again, trying to catch a glimpse of eye contact to see how my confession’s going.
My heart sinks again as I realize she might not feel the same way about me. She doesn’t look thrilled, the way that I hoped. I realize very soon, I may have to let her go after all if it’s what she truly wants. I just really thought we were somehow going to avoid that.
“More than anything, Amber, I just want you to be happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and if it’s not with me, I understand. I won’t be upset. I just want you to be happy, and I want our baby happy. Whatever that looks like,”
She’s silent, and tears begin rolling down my cheeks.I’m losing her.The gravity of it finally begins to sink in, a bone-chilling feeling that spreads through my whole body.She’s going to tell me she’s done, and she’s going to take her things and go. I’m going to lose them both forever…
Suddenly, her eyes meet mine, and my heart skips a beat, subtly reminding me that I still love her as much as I did yesterday.
“Kaden, I…” She stutters, struggling to find her words. “I don’t know what to say.”
I grab her hand and put on a brave smile for her. “It’s okay, Amber. You don’t have to say anything. I completely understand. Can I help you pack?” I say, hoping the shakiness in my voice isn’t too apparent.
Her expression changes. “No, I don’t know what to say because… because I feel all those things, too!”
My eyes widen, and my spirits lift. “You do?”
“I do. I love you so much. It broke my heart leaving those papers with your family. But I knew I didn’t have the strength to face you and still walk away. If we were done, I just wanted the whole thing behind us so I could move on. I never wanted to lose you, but if you really didn’t want this baby, I wasn’t going to force it on you.”
“I want you both, forever.” I place my hand on her belly, and for a moment, we cry together. Happy tears flow down our cheeks until she embraces me tightly. Her warm torso melts into mine, and for the first time in my entire life, I can finally say the following with absolute conviction.
I’m home.
41
AMBER
Ipull away from Amber, taking a moment to look at her beautiful eyes. I notice the tears still running down her cheeks, causing me to frown.
I hate that something between us hurt her feelings,I think as I glance down at the divorce papers, already signed by Amber. I quickly reach out, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and suddenly I know what to do.
Amber looks at me in confusion as I swiftly reach into my pocket, removing a pen. I bend over the table and add my signature to the already signed form.
“What do you say we have a fresh start?” I ask softly. “The marriage was a sham, even if our feelings weren’t. Given our real feelings for each other now, we should do things the right way. A real fresh start, no bullshit,” I say, excitement in my voice as I meet Amber’s eyes again.
“I would love that, Kaden. I want to be with you. Starting over sounds like a great idea,” she replies, tears welling in her eyes again.
* * *
A month goesby in a blur. Amber’s still living with me, and it feels fantastic to know she’s here for good. But, this time, there’s no front of a false marriage. Just pure love for one another.
I wake one morning, feeling her head on my chest. I can’t help but smile as I wrap my arm around her, pulling her closer. She’s sleeping peacefully, her warm body next to mine. Everything feels normal, and I’m incredibly grateful I didn’t lose her.
She truly is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,I think to myself happily.
I gently slide my arm out from around her and slip my body away before clambering out of bed. I slowly walk to the bathroom, smiling at the sight of her cozily in our bed. It’s reassuring to know it’s because she wants to be here.
