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“Are you trying to ask if she doesn’t realize there’s a problem?” When he made an agreeing sound, I was back to thinking about how odd their relationship was. “If I tell you that we’re fine, will your head explode?”
In the month or so since we’d started dating, we’d heard the story several times and it never got old. The better we got to know her and Ender, the more fun it was to make him nuts. I wasn’t sure if it drove him crazy or if he thought of it as just normal at this point, but it was something that’d become second nature.
His sigh said yes, his head would explode but it would be mostly an understated explosion. “She hasn’t seen anyone for this long in years, so I have a right to be cautious.”
Suspicious might’ve been a better word but this was Tabitha we were talking about.
“Fine. I will choose a different word.” That got another huff out of him, which made me smile. “Do you want a practical report or a general emotional report?”
He really was the nosiest person I’d ever met but he couched it in terms of taking care of Tabitha, so he got away with it every time. It was actually damned impressive but we’d been well trained over the last few weeks and I’d gotten used to it.
That didn’t mean I’d pretend it was normal or not happening… but I just took it in stride at this point.
“Both, if you wouldn’t mind.” When he took a deep breath, I knew we were finally getting to the reason for the call. “She told everyone at work that her Daddy bought her a ball pit and now everyone wants one in the breakroom. I’m trying to decide if she’s actually happy or if this is the office version of suicide by cop.”
Ender was always fascinating. It was the most interesting way to say he was trying to decide if he should kill her or not that I’d ever heard. But he wasn’t going to like my answer.
“I’m sorry to tell you that we’re actually very happy and he did buy her the ball pit because it’s something they both like playing with. It’s not as expensive as you’d think but I’m not sure it’d fit in the breakroom. Maybe a conference room you don’t use?” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to be helpful or just fuck with him.
Probably both.
“I hate you.” His immediate, if dry, response had me grinning. “I have no idea how to justify that on an expense report.”
Was he being serious?
It was always hard to tell with him but I was still in a cheerful mood, so helping sounded like fun.
“Talk to the pup in accounting. She’d probably love the promise of balls at work and all she wants is an intro to the party group that Nicole runs so she can go to the next pup and Handler meet and greet.” How I knew this and he didn’t brought up questions I wasn’t going to ask.
“Ugh.” His groan said there was drama going on somewhere. “She doesn’t understand how I can be gay and asexual at the same time. I don’t have any desire to be her Handler even if she doesn’t need intercourse to be content in a relationship.”
They had the weirdest work environment ever, and every time we talked I just became more and more grateful that I was my own boss, especially if that was where corporate America was heading.
Their HR department had to be insane or bald from having already torn all their hair out.
“As someone in the kink community, I don’t feel bad about saying this. Don’t date crazy. Even if you have no plans to sleep with them, just don’t date crazy.” Some people were just not stable. “Tell her that you have prior commitments that make it impossible. Something vague that makes it sound like if you’re going to be a Handler, you’ve already promised to do it for someone else.”
That got another dramatic groan out of the normally stoic man and it actually made him sound more like his age. “That will cause chaos. Everyone will assume I’m dating.”
I probably shouldn’t.
It wasn’t my business.
What the hell.
Harper kept saying he was basically family at this point.
“You know that being asexual is not an issue for some people, right? I met a few at different munches and things over the years and they date and have happy relationships with their partners.” I was back to the should I, shouldn’t I mental debate.
Fuck it.
“There are a lot of subs that get fulfillment in ways that don’t involve sexual intercourse.” Thankfully, Tabitha hadn’t shared exactly what Ender meant when he labeled himself as asexual, but while it made things less awkward in general, now I couldn’t be specific enough.
Rock, meet hard place.
Ender was quiet for a moment but it didn’t sound strained. “I’ll think about it.”
I had a feeling that was all I’d get from him, so I changed the subject. “You can always tell them the company insurance wouldn’t cover it. I’m honestly not sure you’d get anyone to okay that kind of risk. They’d be throwing those balls at each other every time you turned around.”
