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“We’re just—we’re not compatible,” I say, even though we’ve had this conversation over and over. I know she’s trying to help, but I’m getting tired of explaining myself. “It would have fallen apart no matter what.”
“You didn’t get what you wanted,” she says, a little edge to her voice. “He’s still quitting baseball.”
“That is what I wanted.”
I didn’t want him to stick with baseball, not even for a moment, after our conversation in the bell tower. Now that I’ve had time to think, I know that he’s not quitting because of me. I might’ve helped him along, somehow, but he’s not doing it for anyone but himself. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that eventually, he’d need to compromise for me, whether about marriage or kids or something else, or I’d end up compromising for him. It would ruin us, and the only variable would be how long it would take.
Penny flicks her braid over her shoulder. “Isn’t it? You wanted him to be miserable because your mother got you scared.”
“I need you to stop being Cooper’s girlfriend for a second and be my friend instead.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Her face falls, something shuttering in her eyes. “Wow. Okay.”
“Pen—”
“I wasn’t saying that as his girlfriend. I said it as your friendandSebastian’s.”
“I didn’t mean…” I trail off as my phone rings. I glance at it with a grimace before picking up. “Alice?”
“You said you’d be at the lab half an hour ago,” she says. “Where are you?”
I completely lost track of time, but there’s no way I’m going to tell her that. “I’m close. Be there in a few, sorry.”
“Mia,” Penny says as I slide off the bed and start cramming shit into my bag.
“Sorry. I have to go to the lab.”
“We should keep talking about this.”
“What do you want me to say? You fit in with them, Penny. You’re going to have a beautiful wedding with Cooper one day, and beautiful children, and your dad is even Cooper’s coach. It’s like you were made to be a Callahan.”
“And Sebastian isn’t asking you to do any of those things.”
I shove my feet into sandals and toss my phone into my bag. I look like shit, but there’s nothing I can do about that right now. Alice will just have to ignore it. She doesn’t look fantastic herself; she must be at least a few weeks behind on her next dye appointment.
Maybe I should cut my hair before the symposium.
The fact that a haircut sounds like such a good idea to me right now is more depressing than the stained McKee sweatshirt I’m wearing.
“I like to think I know him pretty well,” she says as I open the door. “Just like I know you. And for the record, I don’t think he ever does anything he doesn’t truly want to do. If marriage and kids were deal breakers for him, he’d have said that.”
I just give her a tight smile. “Raincheck on the pizza?”
I wonder if there’s a pair of scissors at the lab.
59
SEBASTIAN
We didn’t makethe playoffs.
Even if we win our last three games of the season, the one remaining series against Norfolk State University, it won’t be enough. We’re finishing at the bottom of America East. And while I’m sad for my teammates, especially the seniors, I don’t feel anything but relief.
There’s a definitive end date. One last hurrah.
Mia won’t be there, but I’m starting to get used to that.
When she left James’ house, leaving behind a note that made me wish I never wrote her any of mine to begin with, I hoped, at first, that she’d come around, and we’d talk. But that hasn’t happened. She doesn’t want to see me or talk to me, even for a moment. I have to resist the urge to keep asking Penny how she is. I know she feels bad, but she was Mia’s friend before she became mine.
