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“Maria Daphne di Angelo!” she exclaims.
I blink. “Um, rude.”
“I’m sorry.” She unwinds her hair from the braid and shakes it out, taking a deep breath. She flops down next to me. “But you told me I’m allowed to use your full name in emergencies.”
“Is this an emergency, Penelope Ann Ryder?”
Her mouth drops open. “Rude!”
“You were rude first.”
“I would say this definitely constitutes an emergency,” she grumbles. “Are you with Sebastian?”
To be honest, it was so easy to pretend that summer break would last forever, and that I’d never have to talk to anyone about my kind-of-sort-of relationship with Sebastian, that I didn’t come up with a plan for this exact moment. I should have, but instead I let myself get caught up in the balance we struck with each other, and now, just like in April, I’m left floundering. And this time, I can’t run down the stairs and leave everyone behind. I wouldn’t even have anywhere to runto, since this is where I live right now.
“Fine, yes,” I admit. “We’re sleeping together. Happy?”
She blinks. “Well, yes. Ecstatic, actually, but that’s beside the point. Why didn’t you tell me? When did you start up again?”
“A couple days after I started staying here.”
“Oh, wow. So basically the whole time we were away.”
“I guess,” I say helplessly.
She lurches forward and hugs me. “This is amazing!”
I spit out a bit of her hair and hug her back automatically. Penny is pretty much the only person I never mind hugs from—although I suppose Sebastian is on that list too now. “We’re not dating.”
“Wait.” She pulls back. “But I thought…”
“It’s just… it’s like before.” I grimace. “We’re just friends, but with sex.”
“Oh,” she says with a frown. “Mia… are you sure about that?”
“I’m not forcing him into anything,” I say quickly. “It was his idea, actually.”
She waves her hand impatiently. “I mean, is it actually what you want?”
I look to the side. The last time I made Izzy’s bed, I arranged the pillows in a tower, but it must have been off-balance, because half of them are on the floor now.
When Sebastian had that nightmare before he went to Albany, it was impossible to pretend that it didn’t mean anything. There was nothing casual about soothing his panic or holding him in my arms.
I stayed awake long after he fell asleep again, petting his hair, focusing on the way my heart thudded in my chest and imaginary butterflies did swooping dances in my belly. I played a game with myself. Would I rather be in the dorm room I was supposed to have right now? Definitely not. Would I rather be at the University of Geneva? Maybe eventually, but not right then. I was glad I was there for him and that he didn’t have to suffer through yet another nightmare alone.
If it happens again, I want to be the one who is there, ready to help.
There’s nothing casual about that. Nothing friendly. But helping him through a difficult night isn’t the same thing as dating. Feeling something twist in my chest at the sight of him using my stomach for a pillow doesn’t mean I should risk everything changing.
And I can’t explain all that to Penny, so I just shake my head. “Tell me about the trip.”
“I think we should talk about this.”
“I don’t want to,” I snap. I hate the way my tone makes her face fall. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I add, softer. “We’re friends. We’re sleeping together. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I didn’t say there was. Just that…” She trails off, shaking her head. “Whatever. The road trip was amazing. He’s... he’s it, Mia. He’s it for me.”
She holds out her wrist. There’s a short phrase inked in black on the inside, but I don’t recognize the language. “Is this fromLord of the Rings?”
