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I release him. I take a deep breath. “Fuck you.”
I hate the way his mouth twists.
“Watch your back,” he says. “Once the feelings are there, they don’t go away.”
33
MIA
Growing up,dinner was nonnegotiable.
No matter what was going on, or who was pissed off at who, or if five minutes before my parents were screaming at each other, the moment dinner was ready, everyone sat at the dining room table with their napkins in their laps. Sometimes the energy would radiate through the room like a storm cloud, but without fail, my mother would serve everyone a plate, we’d pray, and eat. If things were particularly bad, we’d eat in silence, but more often than not, we’d all pretend that nothing was wrong.
This meal feels exactly like that. We’ve barely spoken, and Sebastian and Cooper won’t meet each other’s eyes.
The moment I heard Cooper say my name, my heart stopped. I couldn’t move, even though I knew the polite thing—the decent thing—would have been to flee and pretend I never went downstairs in the first place. Dealing with Penny’s questions would have been preferable to listening to Sebastian argue with his brother about me. I didn’t see anything, but I heard it all. Cooper and Penny walking in on us I could deal with, but hearing Cooper’s true thoughts about me? Or the pain in Sebastian’s voice as he defended me?
I feel nauseous.
Cooper’s right, I don’t deserve that from him. I don’t deserve him, period. And I’ve been too terrified to give in to what Sebastian wants—what I want, in the moments I’m completely honest with myself—that I’ve been holding him hostage, pretending that friends-with-benefits is an acceptable compromise. It might’ve been when this first started, but I know him better now. I’ve been selfish and unwilling to let him go, and damn Cooper for making that so obvious.
I push the pasta around my bowl. Across from me, Penny frowns.
“Okay, why is everyone acting so weird?” she says. “I think we’ve all seen boobs before.”
“I don’t care about that.” I try to muster a smile, but it falls flat. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Did something happen?” she presses. She reaches over and squeezes Cooper’s wrist. “Babe?”
“We’re fine,” Sebastian says quickly. “Tell us about the road trip.”
“Yeah,” I say. “You spent a while at the Grand Canyon, right? That picture you posted on the rock was so pretty.”
“This nice older man who used to come there with his wife took it,” Penny says. “Right, Cooper?”
“Yep,” he says. “They seemed pretty devoted to each other.”
I don’t miss the pointed glance he sends my way. I gulp down my wine without tasting it. I know I should ask another question, keep the conversation going, but my mind is blank. I’m all too aware of Sebastian. His foot is brushing against mine underneath the table, and I can practically feel the warmth radiating from his body. I could reach out and lace our fingers together so easily. The spark of electricity that zips down my spine whenever we’re in each other’s space is impossible to ignore, even with the tension in the room constricting around my heart like a band of iron.
It was so much easier when we were alone. I could pretend that we were dating withoutdating, but that’s not how it works. Either you commit to all of it, or not at all.
“It was so sweet,” Penny says. “And the Grand Canyon itself is stunning. I know how much you all love the Outer Banks, but it would be a great spot for a family vacation.”
“I want to go sometime,” Sebastian says. “I’ll bet the stars are gorgeous there, right, Mia?”
“Oh, yeah,” I say. “The less light pollution, the better. Lowell Observatory is one of the oldest observatories in the country, I’ve always wanted to tour it.”
Cooper leans back in his chair, wrapping an arm around the top of Penny’s in the process. He looks at me, and I stare right back, resisting the urge to fidget.
“Just curious,” he drawls. “How long were you planning to jerk him around, Mia?”
For a moment, it’s completely silent. Penny looks at her boyfriend with confusion in her blue eyes, and next to me, Sebastian’s grip on his fork tightens. My mouth goes dry; when I try to swallow, I feel like I’m choking.
“Cooper,” Sebastian says eventually, his voice practically crackling with energy. “Stop it.”
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Penny says.
Cooper’s gaze is piercing, but I hold my chin high. “You knew I was there?”
