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“It’s not true.”
“Stop lying to yourself for five seconds!” My voice echoes, too loud, but I can’t help myself. I knew from the third hookup the first time around that he wanted more than sex, and I kept pushing it off, and I’m still doing it. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves a girlfriend who can give him everything, now and in the future, and I can’t become that girl.
“Fine!” He doesn’t yell, exactly, but I hear the pain in his voice, each syllable hammering into my heart. “Yeah, I’m pissed. I’ve tried to be understanding, and to take what you’ve given me, but it’s not what I fucking want. Happy?”
“Ecstatic,” I shoot back.
“But if I’m lying to myself, you are too,” he says. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want more, Mia. Go on. Lie to my fucking face if you’re so determined to push me away. Why did you stand me up? I know it wasn’t because you didn’t want more.”
It’s impossible to lie when I’m gazing into his emerald eyes. I swipe my tongue over my lip, then bite down, wanting the little pinprick of pain. Wishing he was biting it instead. “I did want more.”
“Did I do something to fuck it up?” He presses close enough I can feel the warmth of his body. “Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak for a moment. “No,” I whisper. “I was… fuck. I was falling for you.”
His shoulders sag. He nearly smiles. My heart leaps traitorously at the sight. “I knew it.”
“It was terrifying.” I try to swallow, but that just makes me want to sob. “It’s still terrifying. I thought maybe if you just moved on, it would be better—for you and for me.”
“I don’t want to move on.” He takes my hand, squeezing my fingers. His touch sends delicious sparks down my spine. I yank my hand away, and he just grabs it again, digging his blunt nails into my palm. “I didn’t want to then, and I sure as hell don’t want to now. I want you, Mia. Not just to mess around with, or to be your friend. I want everything we can give each other because I’m falling for you too.”
“I can’t do it.” My voice breaks. “I don’t know how.”
“Try,” he murmurs. “I’ve never tried before either, and I’m scared out of my mind, but I want to try it with you. Only with you. Say you’ll try it with me too.”
I squeeze his hand back. “What if it doesn’t last? What if—”
He starts shaking his head before I finish the sentence. “No what ifs. Don’t think about the future. Think about now.”
Something snaps inside me.
More likely than not, this will go up in flames—but I can’t walk away from him. Not when my heart feels so full when he’s around. Not when I’m aware of his presence from the moment he enters a room. Not when my heart is begging to stay with him, damn the future consequences. Goodbye Project GOSMC.
I nod, wiping at the stubborn tears wanting to escape. He tucks my hair behind my ear, tugging on the lobe gently.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” he says.
I balance on my tiptoes. My lips are half an inch from his, so close yet so far. My body thrums with anticipation. “What are you waiting for?”
34
MIA
Sebastian’s lipscrash against mine with the force of full tide. My fingers bunch in his shirt, pulling it up; he practically rips it off his body. I drag my hands down the hard line of his abs, settling on the waistband of his jeans. He raises an eyebrow in a silent question, and I nod. I want him here, in the grass, with the breeze on our bare skin and the stars winking above.
“Guess we should stay out here for a while longer anyway,” he murmurs. I laugh as he tugs off my shirt and bra. “Shit might get awkward otherwise.”
“Hopefully we don’t flash anyone else tonight.”
He snorts as he scoops me into his arms. “I still can’t believe that happened.”
I crane my neck around. “Where are we going?”
“It’s grassier over here.” He sets me down, then stretches out alongside me. I breathe in the cool air. It’s scented with the wild thicket of honeysuckle by the fence. He spreads his hand over my belly, a warm weight that sends heat to all the right places. “Wanna make sure you’re comfortable.”
I shiver as he dips his fingertip into my belly button. “How is your pinkie?”
His lips brush over one of my nipples, taut in the cool air. “I think we’ll manage.”
