Page 58 of Catatonic


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“Akari are parasites,” he whispered, and his eyes had taken on a glaze as though he was remembering something, stuck in a vision long gone. It was the same glazed look he’d had in the cave, and the sight of him in this state because of me made my heart clench.

Have I forced him into remembering something best forgotten?

Charlie clapped his hands in front of Zaide’s eyes, startling him back into awareness. “So, you fed him. I don’t know what your beef is with things that drink blood, but her feeding him it’s not unforgivable, is it?” Zaide looked uncomfortable but shook his head. “So, what else happened?”

I hesitated before I spat out the truth like a poison, "I kissed him. Or he kissed me. I don’t know. It just sort of happened."

The silence descended between us, so cold it made me shiver. I bowed my head, awaiting their judgment, squeezed my eyes shut tight, and clenched my hands together.

Their voices came all at once.

Charlie asked, "What the fuck?"

“A kiss,” Zaide muttered in what I assumed to be shock.

Charlie’s voice pitched higher, “A fucking kiss, that's all?”

Zaide stood suddenly, and I stumbled out of his arms and into Charlie’s. He caught me, my knees scratched against the denim of his jeans, and my breasts felt a sharp brush of air from his shocked, expelled breath. I was only vaguely aware of my naked body because I was so focused on my soul pair striding to the back of the room. When he turned to look at me, the hurt on his face nearly killed me. “You kissed a man after last night? You kissed an akari?”

Charlie wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, feeling my emotions. He pulled the sheet from the bed to cover me while saying, “Zaide, calm down. It was only a dream. It doesn’t even count.”

“A dream with a dream walker is real. They were attacked and nearly died. It is real. It counts.” His voice rose with every statement.

“It seems like you’re more upset about the kiss than the fact they were attacked and could have died,” Charlie said, sounding both annoyed and amused.

Zaide sat at the end of the bed, the springs squeaking with his weight, and buried his head in his hands. “I’m upset about it all. The akari, the attack, the kiss. I feel …”

I crawled over to try and peek through his hands, hoping he could see the remorse in my eyes, the pain in my heart. “Zaide, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Purple eyes peered through golden hands, and he whispered, “Did something change? Do you not love me?”

“No, please don’t think that. I don’t know what happened. I was so grateful to him—”

“You thank people with kisses? Should I prevent anyone from being kind to you to stop this from happening again?”

I gasped and Charlie intervened, “Zaide, just … hold on a sec. I know you’re hurt but—"

“Hurt? I am …” We sat in a painful silence as I tried to control the storm of emotion inside me while Zaide decided what to say. It came in a horse whisper, “I believed last night to be the start of our life together.”

“It was. It is!” I lay a shaky hand on his knee, pleading with my eyes for him to not to give up on me, on us. "Please don’t leave. I can’t go on without you."

"No one is leaving anyone. We are all bound together, and there's no divorce paper in the world that can separate us. So, we need to work this out," Charlie added.

Zaide covered my hand with his own. “Let me continue.” My mouth closed, and I nodded, scared to hear what he had to say but relieved he wasn’t so angry that he couldn’t touch me. “I saw our … evening as a sign that everything was going to be right in the morning. We would be together, could learn our powers, and save my family. I was not thinking about the challenges of those goals. I forgot about the dragon. I forgot about threats. I was just glad you were safe and in my arms. I think the realization that this is just the start of our trials, after we have already suffered so much, has caused my anger at the Fates that have written this. That you would be attacked, that I would have to learn from an akari after—” He shook his head. “That you would kiss him …”

The anguish in his eyes told me that his problem with Baelen was more than just prejudice around blood. He had experienced something with an akari. And it was bad. Bad enough that the spiritual gentle giant he was became disturbed at the thought of learning his powers from one. I squeezed his hand. It wasn’t the time to ask for details, so I kept quiet and prayed he forgave me.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you kissed Charlie. I know you care for him, and him, you.” He looked at Charlie and added, “I have always told you I would be happy to share her with you.”

He has? Always? I never heard them talk about it.

Zaide continued, “But an akari, a stranger, out of gratitude? I don’t understand.”

I paused for a moment, trying not to let panic talk for me this time and explain. "I feel connected to him. Like I do you and Charlie. Only less. I don’t know if that is the effect of the dream or if it’s an effect of feeding him or letting him control my body, but in the moment, it felt right. But I know it was wrong and feel terrible about it. If you never want me to talk to him again, I won’t."

Charlie sighed heavily, and I turned to see him run his hands through his hair. "He’s the son of the gods, Clawdia. You can’t ignore him. The bottom line is we need him so you can learn your powers. Whatever happens now, he’s a part of it. Akari or not. Kiss of Clawdia or not. We need him."

I nodded and hesitantly added, "He is different from other akari, Zaide. He’s half titan. You need to meet him, and you’ll see that he’s not so bad. He's—" I stopped short, afraid that talking about him would only make Zaide more distant.

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