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“No, my child… never, never would I have left you, not for all the world offered at my feet. It was in my bitter heartbreak at losing you that I chose my next life, but never before.” At this she gave me a teary, wide-eyed, tender look as my words clearly meant something to her.
“I know… I know this now as I soon learned the truth. Because after Dalene, my mother took possession of my body, I was plagued by the truth of her bitter thoughts. The truth of her memories. I knew it all.” I gave her hands a squeeze, trying to ease her of her thoughts as I continued to listen to all she had to tell me. The pain in her voice was so crushing, it was as if each word endured was a fresh new crack inflicted upon my heart.
“I knew then that I had been nothing more than a pawn in their game for revenge against you. That every word spoken before that point had been a lie. I saw the memory of you in her own eyes, the devastation in your heartbreak when you realized that she had killed me. I knew then everything that they had said, every single word about you, had been a lie. One with the sole purpose of luring me deeper into their game of revenge. Because after she took host in my body, well nothing could hide the truth… that… that you did in fact…love me.”The moment she said this I pulled her into me and let her cry freely on my shoulder.
“Oh, my daughter, I loved you more than anyone else in the world… you were the single most beautiful thing I ever did in my life. You made me want to be a better man, Kala,” I told her, for it was true. Because before Amelia had come along, I had never loved another more and never thought myself possible of ever loving again.
I loosened my hold on her so that I could wipe away her tears, just as I used to do when faced with a three-year-old little girl who had just fallen down and scraped her knee.
“I'm so sorry I failed you. I never should have left you with her… I never should have trusted her. Trusted that she loved you as much as I did, as any mother should love her child.” Once again she took my hand in hers and squeezed, giving me even greater strength.
“I don't blame you. I only blame those that were truly responsible for your demise and in the end, for my own,” she told me, and I found myself holding my breath as I asked,
“And now?”
“I fear that Earth has no place for me.” And there it was, one of my greatest fears in this conversation now spoken aloud. I shook my head gently and told her,
“That's not true, Kala, for your place is with me, your place is and always will be in my world, finally by my side and forever under my protection, just as it always should have been.” At this she shook her head, and I felt the pain and rejection like a lash against my soul. But I knew that Jesus was right, this was her choice…not mine.
So many choices had been denied to her all her life and I was not about to do the same. No matter how much it pained me to let her go.
“I have seen so much pain and destruction, in all honesty I have never known anything other. Not until those memories were given to me by my mother… the only gift she ever gave me, no matter how unintentional it was seeing as I had to steal them from her. But until then, I had never known laughter, love, all the things you gave to me as a child. In truth, Father, those memories were what kept me going.” I closed my eyes at this as I let her words sooth my soul, healing the pain enough to bare it. I released a held breath and told her,
“Then allow me to give you more of them, please…come with me,”I told her as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and my own.
“My soul is fractured, broken and needs fixing. I know that and I fear there is only one place that it could finally happen. I am not saying never, but I am saying not now, for I am not ready.” I swallowed down my regret that the time she spoke of wasn’t now and that what little of it we did have, was far too soon to come to an end.
“I just need time, and if the Gods are good enough to grant it to me, then this will not be goodbye… it will only be, until then.” I nodded my head once, then twice, holding back my selfish need to beg, as she was right. She had to be ready.
“They do say that time heals all wounds,” I said, trying to offer comfort in what I knew was a difficult decision she just had to make.
“Is it true?” she asked of me and I turned to face her. Then with the backs of my fingers I took even more tears away, before telling her,
“Two thousand years I have waited for this moment, but I believe yes, time has the power to grant many things and if it is time you need, then it is time I will give you, my child. For it will be worth every moment spent waiting for you knowing that you are now at peace.” Her eyes closed as her emotions overwhelmed her.
“Thank you for understanding,” she told me, making me reply in kind,
“Thank you, Kala.”
“For what?” she asked, clearly surprised.
“For teaching me what it is to love another.” At this she threw her arms around me and whispered a sound I never thought I would ever be blessed enough to hear again,
“Oh Dad!”I held her so tightly I knew its reason was because I didn’t ever want to let go of this feeling. But then when she needed to draw breath, I pulled back and the smile she granted me felt like another gift. That was until her words followed, for she playfully nudged my arm and said,
“I like her, she seems nice, and she loves you, so very much.” At this I granted her a small grin in return.
“She is and she does, and when the time is right, I just know that she will welcome you with open arms.”
“You really think so?” she asked in a hopeful tone that melted my heart, happy to hear how much she wanted this.
“I am certain of this as I am of taking my next breath.” I then pretended to hold my breath, making her eyes widen before I let it out in a rush of air, making her laugh. Then she playfully nudged my arm again.
“I'm not used to being teased.”
“Then I look forward to being the father that teaches you many things, child… but most of all, the lesson to laugh and to smile,” I said, running the back of my finger along her grinning lips.
“And I will look forward to it too, every minute I am here.” This is when I made her a vow.
