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Even though I knew that mindset was unhealthy, I kept running from them. But if today had taught me anything, it was that running from those messy emotions was never going to be the answer.
“I don’t want to face them,” I groaned, banging my head lightly against the tree, my hair catching in the rough bark. “What if I don’t like what I find?”
It was the question I had been avoiding for so long, the one I had refused to speak until now. Until I had finally been called out for it.
“Would you rather take that risk, or force yourself to continue living this way?” Liv looked at me with such care, her eyes full of love and support; I could sense it from both of them. “Which life do you choose?”
For once, the answer wasn’t difficult. “I choose the one that sets me free.”
“Then fight for it,” Eden said, her olive cheeks mottled red from the cold. “We all believe you can do it. Take our strength if you need to, but don’t give up. Take back what they took from you.”
I reached out to both of them, looping our hands so we formed a three-person chain. “Thank you.”
They both whispered acceptances, a few moments of silence passing, nothing but the whistle of the wind and the brushing of passing animals filling the void. I let my nerves relax and my tears began to dry, giving me a moment to accept what I has discovered today. It felt heavy, but not unbearable. I could do this; I would make it through. Sometimes alone, and other times with help, but either way, I would survive the battle warring within me.
I would not give in.
“Why do I feel like you’re not telling us something?” Eden’s eyes narrowed.
Goddess above, she knew me too well.
My skin prickled at the thought of telling them. But I needed to talk this out, and if I was going to tell anyone about it, two of my best friends were the perfect ones to listen.
Goddess save my poor pride.
“I wanted to try my to keep my eyes glowing as long as possible, hoping I would feel the call to transform.” I let go of their hands and picked at the hem of my shirt, twisting it between my fingers. “So, I figured the best way to do that was to not think and just do the first thing that came to mind.”
“Which was—?” Liv asked.
I bit my lip. “Kiss Nolan.”
“What?” They both screeched, the high pitch grating against my sensitive ears.
I told them the technical details of the whole thing, but kept the truth of how it felt to myself. That was something I needed to figure out on my own—why it felt so good to be in Nolan’s arms. Why I had craved his touch. Why even now, a little part of me jolted at the idea of kissing him again, of wanting him.
That was a discovery for another time, when my heart and mind weren’t so exhausted from the tumultuous day. But there was one more thing I still needed to do, my heart settled, knowing it was the right move.
“I need to go apologize.” I rubbed my eyes, wiping away a few remaining tears while stifling a yawn.
“You need to rest first.” Liv wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Your body has been through too much, it needs sleep.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re crashing,” Eden pointed out. “You’re shivering, your cheeks have no color, it looks like you can barely stand up, and you have dark circles under your eyes like you’ve been punched.”
“To be fair, it could actually be bruises…Nolan did get a few hits in.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Eden shook her head, red hair rustling against her shoulders. “It’s not even safe for you to drive.”
My breathing hitched. “I can’t sleep here.”
“Liv can drive you home on your bike, and I’ll follow behind. That way, you have no issue driving to work tomorrow.”
I wanted to argue, but they were right. My muscles ached with fatigue, my mind clouded and murky, each movement feeling like the most strenuous activity. I needed sleep and rest, time to reflect on what had happened today. It was the only way I would be able to give Nolan the overdue apology he deserved, something that I would most certainly give him tomorrow.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The cool fall air whispered against my cheeks, my eyes blearyas I stared at Nolan’s front door. He probably could sense that I was standing out here, pacing back and forth, yet he gave me space. When I focused hard enough, I could hear clanging through the walls, but I had no idea what I was about to interrupt.
