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“I’m not asking you to.” He shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes. “All I was going to say is, it’s obviously important, but there is nothing you can do at this exact moment. It doesn’t sound like the type of conversation that should be done over a Comms Unit.”
“Absolutely not.” My imagination tried to get the best of me, thinking about how Eden would react to the news. No, in person was much better.
“Then the best thing you can do is try and get some rest and take time to think about how you’re going to explain this to her in the morning.” He punched me in the arm playfully. “You’ll survive, hopefully.”
I snorted a laugh. “With any luck, between now and then I don’t overthink too much.”
Like that would even be possible.Overthinkingcould be my middle name.
“I’m going to head back to the Compound and write out some of the new details and next steps,” Nolan said, flicking his lectracycle on. “Although, if you prefer, I can wait until tomorrow so we can work on it together.”
I looked up at him, my heart skipping a beat. He looked ahead, his words casual; yet I couldn’t help but wonder if his cheeks had been that red the entire time.
“Well, I’m actually off tomorrow. Besides stopping by to talk to Eden in the morning, I have plans most of the day.” I had counseling midmorning before I planned to go to Nana Aggie’s. It was her birthday, and Ollie and I had promised to have lunch with her and spend the afternoon helping around the house.
“Oh, well,” he rocked back and forth on his seat, “I guess I’ll work on it tonight then.”
“Unless you want to come back to my house with me?” The words slipped out before I even realized what I was offering: to bring Nolan into my sanctuary. To a place only those closest to me had been able to visit.
Why was I doing this?
He perked up in his seat, a smile spreading across his rosy lips. “That would be great. That way we’re on the same page when you’re off tomorrow.”
Bile rose in my throat; it was too late now to take it back. Nolan was coming to my house.
Nolan, the man I’d hated only weeks ago and randomly kissed, was coming to my house.
“Great,” I managed to get past my lips, hoping desperately that it didn’t come out as strained as I heard it. “Follow me, then.”
As we sped away from theBlack Howl, I was convinced this idea was going to kill me.
***
My throat dried, my fingers tingling as I guided him through the streets. I kept telling myself we were just going to my house because it was convenient, and we needed to work. I kept saying it was the logical thing to do, and it was. Why go all the way out to the Compound when there was a perfectly good place to talk about next steps right down the street?
Yet, no matter how many times I repeated that to myself, a little voice in the back of my mind was telling me to stop this, to not let him in. He could learn too much about me and exploit that; he could betray me. If he saw too much truth about me, would he run?
Was I even ready to know the answer?
I ignored the voice, just as I’d been doing ever since it had led me down the path of almost-destruction. That voice wasn’t the voice of reason and happiness, it was the voice of darkness, determined to swallow me whole. I wouldn’t let it take me. Not again.
Once we arrived and parked our bikes, we gave a quick hello to Lea, Nolan asking her how she felt after the hostage situation. She waved us off, her smile perky and happy as if nothing was bothering her. And she said as much, rambling on about how she felt perfectly normal and my worry was unnecessary.
I had been keeping a closer eye on her for the past week, my gut telling me that this was only the beginning. What Lea went through wasn’t simple, no matter how much she tried to convince herself it was. With the wary glance Nolan gave me when Lea’s back was turned, it seemed he was thinking the exact same thing.
After a few more minutes of small talk, I led Nolan upstairs to my bedroom. I told myself the logical truth: we couldn’t talk about case stuff in front of Lea, we had to keep it private. And the only private place was my bedroom. Nolan wouldn’t do anything, not with Lea in the house.
Hopefully.
No. I shook that thought away.Practice trust. I’d told Nolan I would practice trusting him, and that was what I would do.
I walked into my room as if it was completely normal that he was following, milling about to light my fireplace and a few oil lamps to help illuminate the space as much as possible. When I finally finished, I turned around to see Nolan looking over the dozens of books on my shelf.
“Do you like to read?” I asked awkwardly, not exactly sure how else to talk to him at that very moment.
“Yeah, some.” His fingers skimmed over the titles. “I recognize a few books here, but not all of them.”
“Probably because some of them are imports from other continents.” I rummaged through my desk, looking for a notebook and stilo for us to use.
