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“I love you, no, no William, stay with me, stay with me, my love. I love you, I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me again, William, please! We found our daughter, sweetheart, we found our baby, stay with me,” I cried into his cheek, kissing his forehead, making every attempt to remove the poker, jerking it fiercely, my hand scorched. He quivered, choking, his eyes pleading me. “I forgive you, I forgive you for everything. I love you, okay? Stay, please, we just found each other again. I just found you.”
“It is no use. He is gone,” Noel scolded from somewhere, I couldn’t take my eyes from William. He grew still, the green of his irises fading to white, skin turning ashen and papery under my fingertips. I howled in anguish, rain beginning to pour from the sky.
“If I cannot have him, no one can.” Noel kicked his legs out of her way and walked toward the gate, as if her work had been completed.
I couldn’t stop weeping, not as I ever so gently set him on the damp earth. The rain pelted his papery body, a hole opening in his chest which allowed me to free the poker just enough to remove it. I gripped the rough iron firmly in my hand, turning to Noel.
Manic rage took over every thought and action. I seemed to move in slow motion as I ran behind her, poker reared in the air, ready to stab my target exactly where she had stabbed my Fated.
She whirled in disbelief, watching as I inserted the poker perfectly in between her breasts, deep into her chest. She shook, eyes wide and full of fear, grasping the poker, tugging to no avail. The blood began to flow from her mouth, convulsions knocking her off her feet. As she fell, I leaned down into her face.
“You do not understand that William cannot be with you. You are nothing, a miserable bitch. Weak. He deserves someone worth something.”
Her eyes met mine, begging me for help in her torment.
I stood, watching her pulsate and yet it brought me no pleasure.
Bringing my boot down on her face, I stomped. Over and over I stomped until her skull caved in underneath me, shrieking in hate until her flesh turned gray and papery and she had been completely destroyed. I spun around to William, only he wasn’t there.
He’d crumbled into ash in the rain.
“No, no, no, my darling no,” I bawled, trying to gather his pieces. The ash mixed with the rain, leaving behind no trace of him, except that of his clothes.
All was black.
The pain was black.
Chapter Sixteen
The reddish, pink light began to pour through the window, washing out the gray that had been filtering in for some time. How long had I laid there, swirling the liquor in its glass?
I could not recall.
My hours had blurred into days, into weeks, into months. I had no concept of how long it had been since Bath, no concept of anything except the oppressive misery which gnawed inside my chest. It weighed a thousand pounds, sometimes preventing me from taking a full breath, almost as a demon gnashing its teeth and claws to escape its prison. Except, it felt,Iwas its prisoner.
I saw William’s eyes every time I closed mine, heard the blood river pouring from his mouth. I shivered at the sight of it, often fighting sleep, trying with every breath to intake more and more alcohol to numb it all.
My own brother. My own brother had betrayed me more than once, had raised my daughter knowingly as Noel’s. Where was he now? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. What good would it do to know? Horris and Filip had searched for him, but I didn’t want to know.
Couldn’t know.
I gulped the remainder of the whiskey in my glass, watching the clouds swirl from the floor of the library in my family’s estate.
William had bought it after my mother’s death; he had planned to make it his home while on the east coast for business. I spent too much time in this very spot, too much time remembering him here with me.
The clouds grew more and more gold, the sky brightening with every passing moment and again, I saw another sunrise without him. I looked over at the decanter on the desk, nearly empty once more. Fuck.
I could not bring myself to sit up, my arms made of lead. The weight of the anguish laid upon me as a smothering blanket from which I could not free my head to catch a breath. I rubbed the burn scars on my palms.
Clouds, watch the clouds.
The door gently creaked open; I did not turn to see who dared enter. Despite Horris and Filip living with us, they hardly bothered to bring me from my stupor anymore.
“Mama?” Helena implored, sitting on the Persian rug beside me. She took my glass, setting it to the side, stroking my hair. “You look thirsty. You ought to feed.” Her voice was soft, full of tenderness. Had I not known any better I may have missed the concern laying underneath.
She turned my head to look at her, those emerald green eyes searching my face in alarm.
I twisted away, unable to look into those eyes. Tears trickled down my cheeks. They were his eyes.
