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“Do you remember after our time in the old manor house, being in that hotel with me in London, waiting to see Gregory?”
Ben resented going down this memory lane with Nikolas. It had not escaped his notice that Nikolas was only willing to go down paths from their past which suited him. The name Nate still hung between them, unspoken, unresolved.
“No.”
“Yes, you do. You said you knew the real me. And I let you go on believing this. If you remember, I used that fallacy only the other day when you saw Nikolas’s picture in the passport. What a joke it has always been. The real me?—you have no idea what I’ve done, who I really am.”
“I do now.”
Nikolas shook his head, staring at his own tea as if it could give better responses than Ben. “No. You have no comprehension of the man I was.”
“Was.”
That apparently was a better reply, for Nikolas looked up, surprised.
“Maybe.”
“Come home, N—. Come home. We’ll work through this together.”
Nikolas regarded Ben for a while. Ben knew he was being studied, but he couldn’t bear to catch the amber gaze. It would undo him, and he needed all his strength for this—unravelling.
“No. I can’t do this there. I’m sorry, Ben. I would just do all the same things again, make the same mistakes.”
“Mistakes? You think what we have is a mistake?”
Nikolas pursed his lips and slowly tipped out the rest of the now cold drink, a sure prelude to his leaving. “It is as I wanted it be. I bent the universe to have you by my side, and ever since, I have been living on that taut spring.”
He rose, stretching, rubbing his hands together and said to no one in particular, “It’s turning cold.”
Ben glanced at the sky, which was slate grey, ponderous to the north. He emptied his sack, digging for a sweater at the bottom.
Nikolas toed the scattered contents thoughtfully. “You brought your sleeping bag. And…rope?”
Ben stood, bending to push the contents back, keeping a wary eye on the other. “I didn’t know what we’d need.”I didn’t have handcuffs.
“We?” Nikolas sounded incredulous. “What have I just been saying, Benjamin?”
Ben shrugged. “No idea. I don’t listen to any of your bullshit, you know that. So, where we going?”
Ben thought for one moment that Nikolas would stamp his feet, and he wanted to laugh. He saw not the forty-nine-year-old man but a ten-year-old boy not getting what he wanted. Well, if life with Nikolas had taught Ben one fact, it was that things were generally better when Nikolas didn’t get his own way.
“You can’t just keep following me!”
“Watch me.” Ben was ready and indicated to Nikolas’s kit, which was still strewn on the turf. “Come on. It’s cold.”
“What? Are you never going to need to sleep again? As soon as you do, I’ll just leave again.”
“Uh-huh. Tell that to the boys. We’re working as a team.”
They both turned slowly to observe the dogs. Itwascold. On top of being taken from their extremely warm kitchen, warmer, comfortable baskets, and as far as they could see any possibility of food, they were now about to be snowed on. Both men could very plainly see which of them the dogs were blaming for this entire situation, and it wasn’t Ben.
Nikolas began to grind his teeth as he packed. Suddenly, he swung around to Ben. “Shall I tell you then? About the fire? About what happened after? That New Year? Shall I finally shatter the fragile foundations on which this has all been built? Is that what you need for you to finally turn around and go home to your own life, so that I can be given a chance to find mine?”
Before Ben could reply to this angry barrage, Nikolas added icily, “Or perhapsyouwould like to tellmeabout Nathan Stones’s funeral.” With that, he swung his pack onto his back and resumed walking.
* * *
Chapter 56
