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“You are my whole life,” he whispers sweetly, tickling my ear. “And the thought of leaving you, and the kids behind is the darkest thought I’ve ever had…”
A nod and my lip quivers.… I’m soaking his shirt with tears now.
None of it’s fair. I want to be with him forever.
I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t want that…
That was the plan….That wasalwaysthe plan.
“I love you …” My voice breaks. I thought I wanted to see this side of him. I thought I wanted to hear that he was scared. I thought I wanted more than just light hearted jabs and stupid jokes, which is what he’s done the entire time he’s been sick. I thought I wanted him to be serious. I thought I wanted to see that he does give a damn if he’s dying or not.
But that’s not what I want at all…
It’s in that moment that I realize all that I really want…
I just want my husband not to die…
“I love you,” I tell him again as he walks me over to the bed. I bite my bottom lip, nervously. "Can I tellyoua secret?" I whisper, my eyes closed.
“Anything." I feel his arms cradle me as I sink onto the bed softly.
"I — I don’t want to fall asleep,” I stammer, He holds me tightly as he lays next to me. ”Because if I close my eyes, I'm afraid I won’t wake up to you smiling…” My eyes flutter open again and he’s staring at me, his lips turned up in a smirk.
He nods and throws his arm over my chest. I lay my head down on his shoulder, my heart torn in two. There’s so much dread I have…
There’s so much worry…
Incurable.
That word keeps playing in my mind, over and over and over.
“And if for some reason you don’t wake up to see me smiling, I want you to think about my smile when you’re sad…or angry… or confused…” he whispers, softly. “Because I’ll always be smiling at you, Aria…”
I don’t know what to do. He’s really dying.
He’s leaving me.
“I can see it…” He snuggles close. “The confusion, the fear, the hurt…” He places a single kiss between my brows.
I shake my head. “You don’t know what you see…”
“I see everything…”
“You don’t …and you don’t need to be talking so final…”
"I'm sick, Aria…”
"I know that!” I hiss, still trying to be as quiet as I can to not wake the kids.
His eyes are wide with fear. “Ready for bed..?”
“No…” I grumble.
He smirks and pulls me closer just before laying a tender kiss on my forehead.
“Goodnight, Aria…” he says. “You’ll wake up to me smiling…”
He was right…
