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“Why’re you so harsh on him?”
“Why are you so easy?” I huff. “Look, I’m happy to see Carlos. I’m happy he’s back and that he came and saw Mom and everything, but you gotta understand Sebastian, for us—for me.He left. Period. He’d call mom, and he kept in touch with her that way. But for me, he’s barely kept in contact. He’s barely made an effort. I spent my whole life being considerate of him, considerate of a person who doesn’t give it back. He left to move up north withLeah,a girl he’d known for all of a month. Mom’s stroke was just his way out.”
My rant has spilled out from a depth I didn’t even know I had. All this anger at Carlos has been stored away in the depths of my heart. I guess it needed to get some light someday…
“Do you feel better?” Sebastian asks.
I look sideways at him. “I feel pissed off.”
“But do you feel better, knowing you’re pissed off at Carlos?”
I purse my lips. “What the hell trick is this?”
Sebastian smiles slightly, a small thing that is so endearing. Like it’s just a little trait just for me. “I’ve always known you were angry with him. I completely understand too. I think, well, I guess your anger stopped you from making the effort too.”
I open my mouth to speak, and Sebastian continues on.
“But he also knew how shit of a move he did. He knows he fucked up.Bad.Which is why I think something is wrong now. Something happened up north which he won’t tell me about. Not that I’m hisdiaryor something, I just know when he’s not being completely honest about things.”
“Carlos is a big boy. I’m sure he can figure it out.”
That stops our conversation. I think Seb has realized that me and Carlos aren’t exactly a thrilling conversation piece. He’s right, I do have too much anger toward Carlos. But I'm justified in my anger. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only place I want to be with him at the moment.
What kind of coward leaves his paralyzed older mother and younger sister to fend for themselves? What kind of man uses his lack of fatherly influence to justify his leaving? I didn’t have a father either, but I took care of mom.
This is why I have anger toward Carlos, and it irritates me that it’s stopping Sebastian from being with me.
I suppose he just hasn’t turned his back on Sebastian yet like he did on us.
Chapter 11
Sebastian
“Ithinkit’sabouttime we got lunch, hey?”
Mimi looks at me like I’m in trouble. Like it was my fault to bring up all the history with her brother. I suppose I am in a way, but I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even get to tell her about the text I received from him. About his first days with Luca. I almost crack up from the thought, but if I did that, then surely I’d be in even more trouble.
Mimi just grunts at my offer of food.
“C’mon. The roadhouse is just a mile away. I saw the sign for it before; they got a Denny’s. Let’s get some pancakes.”
“We’re stopping for lunch,” Mimi says, arms still folded. “Pancakes aren’t lunch.”
“You’ve never had pancakes for lunch? Let me change that.”
She twists her lips, stares out at the passing highway, then finally smiles.
I grin back, knowing I’ve chipped a little bit of armor away.
The mile passes quickly, and soon we’re pulling up to the enormous roadhouse area. There’s a car park full to the brim, a gas station with a few cars lined up at the pumps, and people washing bugs from windshields. We avoid it all and pass the enormous foodery to head round back. There’s a second food hall attached here, as well as bathrooms and showers. Trucks are lined up on the other side of the little road that divides the car park and gas station monstrosity. But it's’ there among it all I see what we’re looking for, the little diner symbol.
I park and switch off the engine. I think I should offer another little snippet of advice about Carlos. I understand how complex the relationship is, or at least can glimpse it, but then I realize the thing I’ve never really been able to grasp thatLindseyof all people taught me. She pointed out that sometimes people want to be heard, not necessarily given advice to…
I shut my trap at Mimi’s inquisitive face and get out of the van.
We walk inside, and the place is buzzing. Kids are running everywhere; a part of me wonders if they’re all on holiday? Or are they on school holidays? I suppose it doesn’t matter, there’s enough people in our country to be on vacation at any time doing whatever they want to make any gas station look busy. The place still smells amazing, though.
There’re a few coffee vending machines and a large line for the burger place, but my eyes are only on the diner and the pancakes. A nice big coffee too. I order a double stack, an extra few servings of maple syrup too, and take enough butter to bankrupt a small cow. Mimi gets a stack, but instead of extra maple, gets some fruit. She grabs a small juice to drink too. We find a little booth overlooking the carpark and our van.
