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Chapter 1: Catalyst
“A flower does not use words to announce
its arrival to the world; it just blooms."
— Matshona Dhliwayo
Dixie
Present
The Aroselyn Estate is exactly how I remember it. Beautiful high ceilings, crown moldings, marble sculptures, chandeliers that cost more than my apartment, and staircases that dreams are made of. An airy, light academia feel to every inch of it, perfectly suited for any gala.
Even though it’s familiar, there’s a haunting to it now. It’s not safe or comfortable breathing in the air that settles around me as I force my feet to cooperate and send me past the threshold. Instead, every intake of oxygen feels heavy with regret. I loved living here for the short time that I did.
I loved the man that I shared it with even more.
“Are you okay?” Claire, my boss asks. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Dixie.”
I feel like I’m the ghost, walking through the memory of my life.
“I’m okay,” I lie, taking a sip of the champagne she hands me. “It’s just a lot to take in, I feel like we’re intruding even though we’re working.” Another lie. I feel like I’m intruding because this was my home, and now I’m an unexpected, unwelcome visitor.
She dips her chin in understanding. “You’ll feel better when the interview starts. That’s why you’re here, you're by far my best reporter at the moment and the only one willing to interview someone like Aroselyn.”
Yeah, well if I knew who I would have been interviewing before an hour ago, I would have said no. I’d rather interview the mayor again, and he gave me his phone number on the back of a coffee cup. And he’s sixty.
There are tons of fancy businessmen in Belle City, I wouldn’t have even imagined Jasper would be on the list of possibilities for this job. Especially considering I’m interviewing him and hisfiancéefor theirweddingannouncement.
Yeah, that part stings.
Fuck,allof it stings.
But I would have known if I didn’t stop meticulously keeping tabs on him this past year. The obsession with him became too consuming and if I didn’t stop following his every move, I would have gone to see him. I would have broken down so easily.
I would have ran back and told him everything, hoping he’d forgive me.Pipe dream, Dixie. You don’t deserve to be forgiven. Not after all of this time.
It’s been too long.
So I couldn’t. Destroying his life couldn’t be my fault. I don’t think I could survive it. The guilt would be intolerable.
“We have less than a half hour before the interview starts, I’m going to use the ladies room and make a few calls to check in on some leads for the Burke story.” I hand her back the half empty champagne glass and slowly make my way to the back of the entrance hall.
Eyes travel with me, sticking to me as I scramble to avoid the ache of it.
Few know who I am, my bossnotincluded. She wouldn’t have brought me here if she were aware. She probably wouldn’t havehiredme if she knew.
No one is in the bathroom when I get there, meaning I can take a damn breath and try to calm down.
That is, until my phone buzzes in my dress pocket.
Jasper:What are you doing here?
Fuck. Why couldn’t he have missed me until the interview?
He found my new phone number.
Be cold, Dixie. Keep saving him.
