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We haven’t discussed replacing her, and for now, I have no plans to.
But, I’m using this free time to finish emptying out Dixie’s leftover moving boxes. They’ve been unopened since we came home, so they can’t be filled with anything too important. Granted, we’ve been busy, so I plan to make sure there is nothing to keep before having the boxes accidentally thrown out. Now that things have calmed down, we're leaving for Italy tonight.
We did an exclusive interview with Claire last week, to make up for the wedding announcement exclusive theBelle City Digestlost and the promising employee I took when Dixie came back to me. She asked questions about our relationship and how we’ve been coming along since reuniting. She seemed thrilled about the whole thing, genuinely happy that Dixie is happy.
It was the only interview I’ve done throughout my entire career where I found myself laughing and enjoying each part of it. We went for drinks afterward and I had to inform Claire that I do not, in fact, have a brother. Dixie informed her that I employ a couple hot bodyguards which I promptly spanked her for.
Smiling to myself, I lift the last of the boxes, surprised by the weight of it given the size. It’s small but compact, like maybe a thick book is inside of it. The bottom of it gives out before I can set it on the counter, papers spilling on the floor haphazardly.
“Damnit,” I sigh, dropping down to clean up the mess.
Only, I stop dead in my tracks as I look at the words “day 1,” scrawled in Dixie's handwriting. They’re letters. Hundreds of them. To me.
Day 1
I’m a liar, Jasper.
A horrible, horrible liar that you should never forgive. I said the most vile, atrocious, untrue things. I said them to protect you, but protecting you meant breaking your heart and with your heart, my soul.
That’s what you are. My fucking soul.
God, I’ve never felt so empty, baby.
I want to run back to you. I want to risk your safety just to be near you. I need your voice in my ear telling me everything’s going to be alright. I watchedMe Before Youagain today. I still cry every time, but I cry harder without you.
We switched perspectives, you know? I thought Will was a dick for abandoning Lousia. Turns out, I am Will. Self-sacrificing, cowardly and as of recently, depressed.
How am I supposed to keep living without you?
–your selfish liar, Dix
My head spins and my stomach turns reading her desperate words, still, I can’t stop myself from picking up another, finding day 5 next.
Day 5
I didn’t know a body could make so many tears. Surely I’m dehydrated now. My eyes leaked for hours. The flowers today… I almost caved. I almost came to you and told you everything.
I almost ruined your life because I can’t live without you. So I’m going to have to watch you. Hope that you catch me… drag me back.
Please.
–your stalker-in-training, Dix
I have absolutely no idea how she could watch me without being spotted, and reading that I missed her watching me for who knows how long,aches.
Day 18
You don’t smile anymore. Neither do I.
Have I fucked up? Did saving you hurt both of us too much?
Will you ever forgive me, Jasper?
–your regretful girl, Dix.
Always. I’ll always forgive you baby.
Day 29
