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Silence grew like crippling punishment, placing a wedge between us.
My heart sank. His wordless response answered that question.
I rose. “Good luck finding that squeaky-clean girl brought up on nice Christmas dinners and lots of family cuddles.”
I charged off, carrying my shoes. The pain from sticks and stones digging into my heels took my attention away from the ache in my heart.
I could never be that girl to make him proud. And what hurt more—he didn’t even come after me and take me into his arms and kiss me.
That only happens in movies.
I returned to the party and drank like it was my last day on earth.
My grandmother tinkled her glass. “I’d like to announce my engagement.”
Cary stood next to her, love pouring out of his gaze.
A smile grew on my face. Tears of joy for my grandmother, who looked seriously in love, mixed with sadness at having lost the love of my life.
I couldn’t imagine ever loving someone like I loved Drake.
I emptied my glass in one gulp and watched my mother chatting to some older man in a tweed jacket. Maybe that was all women like us could expect—men who laughed at our jokes, paid for our drinks, and hung around like puppy dogs.
The thought of that had me lunging for another champagne.
I would rather go on some brainless reality show set on a turquoise island, flirt with dumb, tattooed muscle heads, and bitch with a bunch of girls sporting terrible lip and boob jobs than end up with a man I didn’t love.
Forever was too long to spend with someone I hated the smell of.
Drake had raised that bar so high it reached the heavens.
I couldn’t imagine meeting anyone like him again.
But I would seek help before I hurt myself again, too, because I was going to do better with myself and discover things about myself I liked, other than boobs or hair. Something real for a change.
Chapter 32
Drake
Manonswayedherhips,and men surrounded her as she danced like a goddess.
Carson passed me a bottle of beer. “Manon’s letting her hair down, I see.” He studied me for a minute. “You’re no longer an item?”
“Not sure. She’s really messed up. I mean, she’s reached out, but it’s my own fucked up head that’s asking too many questions.”
“Oh, don’t I know it. But take it from a man who married someone who was pretty messed up—people change. Love changes people for the better.”
I frowned. “That’s right. Savvie was pretty wild, wasn’t she?”
“That she was. She still is a bit.” He wore a wicked smile.
Manon was a tiger for sure, and I loved how wild she was with me in the bedroom. “I’m with you, a hundred percent. I don’t know if I can ever do ‘normal’ again.”
“No. I had the same issue. Once you’ve had a taste of something exotic and potentially dangerous, everything else becomes a little insipid.”
He had that right. During my night out with Sapphire and Billy, I’d stayed on for a few more drinks after they’d left, and I met a girl. She was pretty and someone I wouldn’t have thought twice about fucking in the past.
“This girl in London the other night invited me back to hers. But I just didn’t feel turned on at all.”
