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"Almost there," I lied to myself in a wheeze, remembering the pain in Taj's eyes when Eidolon burned him with his venom. Watching paralysis set in, feeling his fear as if it was my own. The only reason he'd beaten the venom keeping his limbs frozen was me telling him togo big.Andhe did. He fought Eidolon and he—and he—
"You did that," I hissed, grabbing the rail beside the steps to haul myself up, not daring to slow let alone stop.
He'd been split from his shoulder to his hip, but if he'd stayed down, if the venom kept him on the ground, he might never have been hurt. If I hadn't killed Christian Lachesi in the first place, he'd never have become the demon-lizard-thing he was now. None of this would have happened.
I couldn't go back and stop it happening, but I could prevent any more pain.
"No more," I panted, nearly missing the next step and shrieking, gripping the railing in white knuckled hands.
No fucking more. Arkan was broken after that battle in the throne room. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his soul. And he—if he ever—
There was no forgetting what he'd told me about the night Koa was killed. No forgetting about the bridge he'd tried to jump off. Ark had been so damn close to that edge again when Taj fought death. It wasn't only Taj I could have lost.
"No more," I rasped, throwing myself across a dark landing and grabbing the next railing, weak legs stumbling up the next flight of steps.
Eidolon had cut slur after slur into X's skin until his entire body was a patchwork of blood and hatred, until he couldn't look at himself without seeing the wordsunlovable, whore,anduseless.
My bottom lip wobbled, but I trapped it between my teeth and kept running. There was no stopping the pain ravaging my heart, though. This had been building since the moment we entered the throne room and saw Taj on his knees.
X was scarred for fucking life. Even with all the magic we pumped into the circle bond, even with all the pastes and lotions. His wounds closed, and there was no blood, but there was no erasing the white scars and empty spaces between his tattoos. On his chest and legs, there were deeper, fiercer scars, still raw and painful, defiant against our healing. I didn't know if he'd ever fully heal them, but even the white, faint ones remained as an eternal reminder of his torture.
All because I loved him, and I dared to stand in Eidolon's way.
And Dev, my devil, he was … he was going to stop breathing one day, and I'd never be able to tell him how glad I was that he caught me when I fell into Hell. How safe I felt when I was close to him. How badly I wanted to crawl into bed with him some nights and justbewith him. To wake up with him beside me and know nothing could ever hurt me, not even in my dreams, because my devil would scare all the nightmares away.
A sob crashed up my throat, but I gritted my teeth and kept running.1
When the top of the tower finally came into view, I nearly wept with relief. My mates hadn't caught up to me yet. I could evade them, find Eidolon, and they'd be safe. Forever. He could never hurt them again and I—if he killed me, at least I never had to watch my mates fade away before my eyes. I never had to feel the bond go quiet, empty of life.
It was selfish, but it was a relief to know I'd never have to live through that again.
I grabbed the railing at the top, heaved myself up the last step and almost collapsed onto the landing beneath the flat, dark roof. A single window, needle thin, let in a shaft of light. It was enough to see the dark pool of water in the middle of the floor, emeralds glowing in a ring around it.
And standing in front, blocking the way, were four very unwelcome bodies.
"Forgot he could shadow-travel, huh?" Taj asked, his arms crossed over his bare chest and his expression murderous.
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"I'm stressed," I panted, clinging to the wall, "and scared. Gimme a break."
I glanced from Taj to the others, and my stomach clenched when Joseph shook his head, X watched me with hurt and disappointment, and Arkan didn't show even a hint of emotion. Not even through the bond.
"You can't pull this shit," Taj snarled, sharp teeth bared. "You have a circle; we fight to-fucking-gether, Aveline."
I swallowed and nodded.
My face was hot, skin pulled tight over my bones.
"We stand a better chance of ending this bastard as one solid unit," Joseph rumbled, not fully looking at me. "If you go alone, you'll get hurt."
I wrapped my arms around myself. Shrugged. My chest somehow hurt worse than my exhausted, throbbing body.
"Did you justshrug?"Taj demanded, a vein throbbing on his neck. "You coulddie.Do you get that?"
I swallowed against my dry throat. "You almost did."
"What?" X asked, the hurt in his eyes strangling the air out of my throat.
