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"All of you," I rasped, looking at the gleaming circle of emeralds around the black pool. "You almost died."
"Your body broke when you fell into Hell," Arkan said flatly, making my shoulders jerk in a flinch I couldn’t repress. "We're equal on near-death experiences."
"It's different," I breathed, flattening my hands against my thighs to calm their shaking.
"How?" Taj growled, his voice deep with rage.
He was the wrong person to speak at the wrong time. I snapped my head up and shouted,"Because you didn't have to sit there and watch me die."
Silence answered me, so I rushed on, every word shrill and breathless.
"Minute by minute, day by day. You didn't have to try every tonic and medicine on Earth, Hell, and fuck knows where else, and watch it donothing.You didn't feel the bond go utterly silent, not a whisper of emotion orlifeon the other end. You didn't have to sit there, every damn day, waiting for the moment when I'd stop breathing, terrified every time I exhaled that my chest would never move again."
I couldn't breathe, and not just because I'd scaled a billion steps. My chest cut off even trickles of air, a vicious pain slicing through my lungs.
I grabbed my chest, trying to tear off the lead weight pressing on my ribs.
"She's having a panic attack," X rushed out, blind panic replacing the brittle hurt on his face. I glanced away; I couldn't see this, couldn't handle any of it.
I needed to leave, needed to—to fuckingbreatheand I—I couldn't—
Arms locked around me, crushing me into a wide chest, and I tried to push Joseph away as he wrapped me up in him.You shouldn't hug me, I'll just get you hurt, I already got you stabbed and I—I don't deserve this.
"I-I can't do this—" I rasped, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip when it wobbled.
"You don't have a choice," he replied, his voice as hard as Taj's. "Breathe."
I couldn't contain the broken whine that built in my chest.
A body covered my back, feverish compared to Joseph's chill, and then there were two pairs of arms crushing me, and I couldn't breathe—I couldn'tbreathe.
"Follow me, Av," X murmured, his lips by my ear. "Draw a breath when I do."
"I can't," I choked out.
"You can," Taj insisted. "Just copy X. We're right here with you."
"For how long?" I squeaked out, using up the last of my air and failing to drag another breath in. "How long until I get you killed?"
"Self-pity, Avie?" he asked, his voice louder, closer. "I didn't think you were the type."
"It's not self pity," Arkan murmured, and I tensed, waiting for his words to break what was left of me. "She can't see a way out."
I hunched my shoulders. Why did he sound so sad? Blood rushed in my ears; I choked down sips of air.
"Make room for me," Arkan ordered softly.
I shook harder, slamming my eyes shut when warm hands framed my face, careful thumbs brushing away tears I refused to acknowledge.
"I saw you hit your breaking point when I did," Ark said, the ice thawing from his voice. Panic and hurt and irrational terror clawed at my chest. "I was a blind fool for not realising you never came back from that. But I see it now. Look at me, princess."
I shook my head, and instantly regretted it when my head spun, my body wobbling. Joseph and X held me up, kept me steady, but I just felt worse.
"Look at me.Please."
Fuck, the emotion in that word, all Ark’s protective walls dropped and his ice melted for me. My bottom lip quivered. I bit it hard and opened my eyes.
"I can't—can't do this—" I rasped.
