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He stroked my face with his thumbs, holding eye contact. I hated the pain I saw there, but the understanding made me weak, made me feel small and breakable. No, alreadybroken.He was right; I never came back from that moment in the throne room when I realised Taj was practically dead, Dev was unconscious, and X was kidnapped.
"I was there, remember?" he breathed, never looking away from me. "We went through that together, and we'll do this together, too. Itisn’thopeless; thereisa way out. But going alone to face Eidolon isn't it."
I opened my mouth to argue or choke down another scrap of air, but he cut me off.
"You think the only way out is to confront him alone, so he can't hurt any of us. So he can only hurt you. And if he kills you—if that's the cost, you'll pay it?"
"You can't," X hissed, clutching me tighter. It made no sense, but the harder he held me the easier I breathed.
Arkan never looked away from me. There was no judgement in his stare, only deep, endless sadness. This was the emotion he walled off, and what had driven him to the bridge that day, this misery and hopelessness. No wonder he'd spotted it in me.
I swallowed and let him see the truth on my face.
"I'm your mate," I whispered through jagged breaths. "I can't—stand the thought—of you suffering. No more.Never again.Even if—if you hate me for it—at least you'll be safe. You'll bealive."
"I won't be," X said quietly, plainly. "I'm coming with you."
Horror crushed any last scraps of air from my chest. I gaped like a fish out of water.
"You don't get to sacrifice yourself, this is bullshit," Taj snarled at me. "It's not happening. You're not walking yourself up to that bastard like a lamb to the slaughter, it'snot happening."
"Taj," Arkan said firmly, a clearshut the fuck up.He flattened his hand to my chest between me and Joseph, right over the weight that threatened to shatter my lungs. "Take a breath, princess. We've got you, and I know you don't like it, but we're not going anywhere."
My head spun, the weight crushing my lungs harder. Joseph sent a rush of apology through the bond, tentatively brushing my soul as his thumbs rubbed circles where they gripped my hips.
I blinked, and tears dripped down my cheeks. I sucked a sharp, pathetic breath in, feeling stupid for not being able to breathe. Even slugs could breathe.
"Good girl," Arkan murmured, making my hot tears flow faster. "Do that again; we've got you."
"You hate me," I gasped out.
"We don't," he assured me, calm but passionate, his voice bleeding emotion. "We're as scared as you are, that's all. Take another breath, princess. Can you follow X's breathing?"
I sucked down another sip of oxygen, the brush of X's chest against my back as he exhaled, encouraging me to do the same. I synced my breathing with his, though mine was ragged and fucked up, shuddering out of me, scraping my throat on the way down.
"That's it," Arkan breathed. "Just like that, my Aveline."
I drew another breath; it bubbled out of me in a laugh. "I normally hear that when I'm taking cock."
Someone blew out a rough breath. Relief blasted through my soul—from Taj's.
"Can't be too fucked up if you're still making jokes," he said, sneering viciously. His defence mechanism.
I was fine with Taj being a dick, but Joseph snapping at me and the disappointment in X's eyes…
"Taj, shut up," Joseph growled at the same time X hissed those exact words.
"It's fine," I murmured, sinking deep into Arkan's eyes as he kept my gaze fixed on his. "I missed him being an asshole."
"You think we wouldn't miss you, too?" Taj demanded. "You think it's okay if you die?"
I shrugged. "I know you—you love me but—"
"No," Joseph argued. "There's no buts. None. What kind of mates would we be if we let you run off into certain death?"
"What kind of mate would I be if I did the same?" I threw back.
"Breathe," Arkan ordered, pressing his hand on my chest in emphasis. "We have the Murkyr circles, and whatever wraiths are still loyal, and we're a deadly circle ourselves."
