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“Damn penis-owners.”
“Yes, damn the penis-owners!”
“Except I also want to fuck the penis-owners,” she admitted with a shrug.
“Now, here is a very valid question, dear Danielle. Do you want to fuck them? Or do you want them to fuck you?”
“What’s the difference?” she asked, eyeing me cautiously.
“Oh, there is a big difference. On the one hand, you have a man spreading your thighs and taking you with every ounce of passion imaginable. On the other hand, you have a strap on and you —”
“Okay, okay, okay! Point taken!” Her eyes went wide as she chuckled, waving me off with a flick of her wrist. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You’re fun to fluster,” I admitted with a wink.
“That’s what makes you good at what you do, I suppose. You get under people’s skin and make them sweat.”
“Something like that.” I shrugged, taking another sip of my coffee, and the two of us lapsed into companionable silence for a few moments, enjoying the peaceful morning.
The timer dinged on the oven as Danielle sat sipping her coffee in silence, her eyes fixated out of the back window of the kitchen.
“Oh, for the love of… Lisa’s at it again.” Danielle’s words filled me with frustration and annoyance as I moved to grab the hot pads and fetch the muffins.
“Are you honestly surprised?”
“No, but I want to be. She takes my last nerve and tap dances on it daily.”
“I am pretty sure we all feel that way.” Lisa Snyder, a stuck-up old biddy who also happened to be the head of the homeowners’ association, was the bane of all our existences here in Apple Grove.
“I’m pretty sure she’s the biggest pain in the ass in all of California.”
“Try the entire continental United States.”
“True story,” Danielle agreed, finishing her coffee before pouring herself a second cup. It really had been a long night, apparently.
“Should I make another pot?”
“No, this will be fine. Unless you have Baileys, in which case we will most definitely need a second pot of coffee.”
“You’re a lush,” I said, chiding her playfully.
“Don’t make me kill you at this hour in the morning. It’s not civilized,” she answered sarcastically.
“You wouldn’t kill me. You love me too much.” I blew her a kiss and finished pulling the muffins out of the oven before setting them on a rack to cool.
“God, you are a wizard at baking, Sadie.” Danielle was nearly salivating as she smelled the steaming hot muffins straight out of the oven. Correction — shewassalivating. “The new neighbor is going to be knocking down your door for more of these in no time. What kind are they again?”
“Chai Streusel. Something a little fancy seemed appropriate for first introductions, I thought.” I turned the oven off, feeling a wave of pride at the way the baked goods had turned out. “I had considered making Cardamom Coffee Cake muffins, but decided on this flavor. However, now I’m second guessing myself.”
“Shut the fuck up. I’m not usually into kinky stuff, but you could spit that shit right in my mouth,” Danielle blurted out with a nearly sexual groan.
“You know, how about I make the second batch and give him a variety? That would be the best case, I think.”
“Whatever you say, Mistress,” she said, still eyeing the piping hot muffins with blatant hunger.
“Careful what you wish for.” I raised one eyebrow, leveling her with my most stern stare. Her eyes popped open wide, her jaw hanging slack in shock.
“Shit, woman. You’re hot as fuck when you do that! I — yup, I definitely just turned a little gay for you.”
