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“We have been discussing it. I think we’re going to go have coffee tomorrow, actually. I’m kind of still gathering the nerve to go through with it.” He ran a hand through his hair, showing just how nervous he actually was.
“You’ll do wonderfully, Jamie. You deserve it. How can I best support you in your new potential relationship?” I asked with genuine sincerity, my hand resting over his on the cool countertop.
“Reassure me. Boost up my confidence. And don’t make fun of me when I turn into a jittery school-boy reflection of my normal self. You know how I get.”
“I do, and it’s one of my favorite parts of you. You care with your whole heart, Jamie. And anyone would be lucky to date you.” I reassured him gently.
“I need to figure out what’s wrong with me,” Danielle muttered quietly to herself.
“What?” I questioned, confused.
“You two are dating multiple people, and I’m sitting here single as a Pringle and ready to fucking mingle, but it’s just me and my toy collection, bored at home.”
“Well, I’m not dating multiple people, actually,” I corrected her.
“Oh, pish posh applesauce, yes you are! You’ve got Jamie, Bex, Jester, Thomas, and now Thatcher!”
“She’s not dating Bex, Jester, or Thomas.” Jamie reminded her.
“Whatever. You know what I mean.”
“And I’m not dating Thatcher,” I added, turning to refill my coffee mug.
“Seriously?” Jamie pinned me with an arched brow and a look of disbelief.
“Seriously.”
“So what was last night, then? Just another scene? A hook up?” Danielle questioned.
“Last night was — a mistake.”
“Do you honestly believe that, Sadie? You didn’t just go over there and talk. You stayed the night. That’s not like you. It’s big. And I think it means something.” Jamie was trying like hell to get me to lean into that feeling, but if this morning taught me anything, it was that I wasn’t ready for it. I couldn’t. Not when I woke up triggered by my former self.
“I’m serious, and Idobelieve that. Things with Thatcher cannot continue. Not like this.” I said with steadfast resolution.
“Sadie, I trust you, and I support you in whatever you want to do.”
“Then support me in this, Jamie.”
“I want to. But I can’t sit idly by and let you ruin something that could besogood for you.”
“How am I ruining it, Jamie? How?”
“You’re letting the past dictate your future. And while I support you if you choose to not pursue this with Thatcher, I will leave you with this warning: the past will catch up to you, Sadie. Some day, and likely not far in the future, that past you’ve worked so hard to bury will come to light. And it will wreck you. I don’t want to see that. You need to stop burying the past and just deal with it.”
“Jamie, enough.”
“Sadie-bug, I’m not trying to be combative here. I promise. In all our years together as poly, you’ve never come this close to a genuine relationship. And you’re fighting it. You’re pushing it away because of things that happened a long time ago.”
“Exactly, Jamie. They happened a long time ago, in the past. Not now. Now, there is nothing to deal with.”
“You and I both know that’s not true.”
“I already went to therapy, Jamie.” I crossed my arms over my chest obstinately.
“Yes, you did, and I don’t think you ever truly dealt with the things that happened back then. Not like this. Not in the way you really need to. You have to talk to someone and start unpacking all of this.”
“I have people to talk to.”
