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“Having a poor man’s cake. It’s how I eat my feelings. Want one?” She shoved a frosting-slathered graham cracker into her mouth.
“No, thank you. You okay?”
She finished chewing, setting her snacks aside. “Not really. Did Brooke tell you?”
“She tried not to, but I guessed she was here for a reason. I’m so sorry, Addy. I shouldn’t have gone—”
She shook her head. “There was nothing you could’ve done.”
“I could’ve fucking been here is what I could’ve done—”
She moved to put her head in my lap where I could stroke her hair. “If you’re going to blame yourself, then I’ll start to blame my cursed luck.”
“Don’t you dare. Tell me what happened?” I needed to hear the details of what she’d been through today, but by the time she was done, I found myself sick to my stomach. She’d been all alone when it happened. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“Stop apologizing. You’re here now.”
“Brooke and Lucas went back to the hotel but said they’d be by in the morning. What can I do? Do you need anything?”
She inhaled a shaky breath. “I need you to hold me tonight. Would that be all right?”
As if I could say no. Despite my exhaustion, I would absolutely stay with her. “Of course. Let me shower real quick before I get in bed.”
“’Kay.”
The moment I got into the bed, she curled into me. Soon she’d soaked the front of my T-shirt with her tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Me too. What if there’s something wrong with me? And I can’t have a healthy pregnancy?”
“Don’t even entertain those thoughts. As soon as it’s safe to try again, we will, and it’ll happen. I just know it. You were meant to be a mom.”
“You were meant to be a dad too.”
But what if I wasn’t? What if I didn’t deserve to be a father, and this was the universe’s way of telling me? I snuffed out the thought, not wanting to go down that road.
A short time later, I was fighting against letting my eyes close, lulled by the sound of Addy’s soft breaths and her warm body wrapped around me. One minute I was staring at the ceiling, and the next, I was thrust into a familiar scene.
The smell of fuel and burning hit my nostrils while the sound of creaking metal assailed my ears. We’d been hit. Fucking ambush by a sniper who’d shot out our tires. The armored vehicle we’d been traveling in at a high rate of speed had flipped. My fingers felt around my face and came away with bright red blood. But it wasn’t just mine. Some of it came from the driver, Sergeant Marcus Smythe. The man who’d served with me during the last two tours had been shot through the head. Fucking hell. Marcus had a three-year-old boy and another on the way. Now his kids would grow up without a father.
I reached to grab my k-bar knife and sliced through the seat belt. I was upside down in the passenger seat. Finding my voice, I yelled the names of two of my other men who’d been seated in the back. “Wilson, Robertson, you with me?”
No answer. Son of a bitch. I fumbled with the door and put my weight into it and shoved to get it open. Crawling out, I moved to the back door and pulled. No luck. But I wouldn’t give up. I got a better angle and finally jammed the door open only to find my twenty-year-old marksman’s dead eyes staring back at me. I couldn’t help but flash to his mother who’d Facetimed him last week for his birthday. I could picture her devastated face when she got the news. Beside him was my explosives guy, Juan Lopez. He was struggling to breathe, clutching his neck as blood gurgled from his mouth.
“Sir—” He tried to talk, even now keeping to the formality of addressing an officer.
“Don’t talk, Lopez.”
I ripped off the sleeve of my shirt, but by the time I was able to crawl in and try fixing it around his neck where the shrapnel was piercing his throat, I knew it was too late.
“Tell my kids I love them,” he said with his last breath. He had five-year-old twins who’d been looking forward to having their father home for Christmas this year. Instead they would have a uniformed man greet them with the shattering news he’d never come home again.
But now wasn’t the time to grieve. Instead I needed to move, and get my men home to their families. If I had our location right, we were in hostile territory. As I was about to back out of the vehicle, I got yanked out and saw a knife blade come straight for me. But I wouldn’t go without a fight. I’d fight for my life.
ChapterForty-Five
ADDISON
