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My eyes stare blindly down at the paperwork in front of me as I try to work through an entirely unrelated problem. My brain is exhausted from working in constant overdrive and leaving me unable to sleep. I feel as though I might be going crazy trapped in a black hole of indecision and self-doubt.
The knock on my office door catches me off guard, and I glance at the clock only to realize I’ve wasted nearly an hour continuing to brood over Whitney and how I should proceed with her. Bianka surprises me by opening the door and proving she’s arrived well before her two-hour window expires. She enters my office with all the pomp and sass of a broadway star making her first appearance on stage. Dressed in a long-sleeve blackwatch daphne dress and black boots, my sister flashes me a cheeky grin and flops into the new leather armchair sitting in the corner of my office.
“I’m here!” she announces superfluously with ata-da!flourish.
“You’re early,” I observe, raising an eyebrow.
Bianka shrugs casually. “It sounded kind of urgent on the phone. I mean, you must be desperate if you’re willing to promise to behave yourself,” she teases.
“Yes, well.” I clear my throat and gather the papers scattered across my desk as I fortify myself for what needs to be said. “I’m glad you came. Bianka, I wanted to apologize for yelling at you.” Setting the stack of papers down, I force myself to look her in the eye. “Sincerely. I lost my temper, and I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did. I’m sorry.”
Mild surprise flickers across my sister’s face.
“I still wish you would come home,” I continue, wanting to get it all out before she says something that makes me want to renege, “until I can sort out who is after the Shulaya, but I won’t cut you off financially, whatever you choose. And I hope you’ll forgive me for taking it that far.”
A sweet smile curls her lips as her expression softens. “I can never stay mad at you for long, big brother. Of course, I forgive you for being a dunce,” she says, her green eyes twinkling. “I know you do it out of love.”
There’s that word again. Whitney used it to describe my feelings for Bianka as well, the last time my sister and I got into a fight. That was the night I punished Whitney so thoroughly for speaking out of line. And yet now I’m grudgingly coming to realize that she was right. I might not be as good as my father at keeping people at a distance. I have to face the fact that I do love my sister. I would do anything for her. And if I’m being perfectly honest with myself, I would do anything for Whitney too.
Sighing heavily, I scrub my face and lean forward, placing my elbows onto my desk. “Look, this Bratva war that’s coming is different than before. We’re not fighting it on equal ground because whoever this is knows too much about me, about the Shulaya clan. And I know nothing about them. They’ve come out of nowhere, and they vanish into thin air after every attack. That makes them far more unpredictable than the enemies who killed Father–and far more dangerous.”
Compassion fills Bianka’s eyes. “I really am sorry about Artem. He was a good man, always so kind to me, and I trusted him to have your back when I know you’re in a dangerous business.”
Emotion lies thick in the air for several minutes as we both take a moment to remember the man who did so much for me over my last three years aspakhan.
When Bianka speaks again, her eyes shine with sincerity. “I’ll be careful. I promise. I know you don’t want anything to happen to me, and I won’t let whoever this is use me against you. But I can’t just up and leave school. I had intended to tell you this a few weeks ago, when I came home from dinner, but I actually landed the lead part in Rosehill’s spring musical. It’s an incredible honor to be cast as the lead before my senior year, and I’m sorry, but I can’t just walk away from that.” She does sound just slightly apologetic, like she understands the stress it might cause me to have her refuse my protection.
I close my eyes as I work to swallow her words, trying to accept them like I told her I would. Nodding is the best I can do to acknowledge her decision. And she lets the silence linger between us as I force myself to move on.
“Congratulations. I’m proud of you for getting the lead. You have an incredible voice–and the personality to capture an audience,” I add with a sharp edge.
Bianka’s eyes narrow as she picks up on my remark that hints dangerously at being an insult. “Somehow, I get the feeling that the last part wasn’t meant to be a compliment,” she says suspiciously.
I shrug innocently. “Make of it what you will.”
My sister purses her lips and tosses her hair over her shoulder as if to brush off my snide remark. “If you’re going to be a smarty pants, then I think we must have covered everything you felt you needed to say. May I be excused?”
How she knows to regain the upper hand, I don’t know, but I don’t want her to leave just yet. “Actually, there’s something else I wanted to speak with you about,” I say, growing more serious once again. “To get some advice, if you will,” I add after a moment.
“Of course.” Bianka slides forward in her chair, sitting more attentively now.
“You’re aware that I have something of a contract with Whitney that… binds her to me until she graduates from Rosehill, correct?”
Bianka’s eyebrow quirks ironically at my delicate phrasing. Of course she knows. My sister is both nosey and far more observant than I like to give her credit for. She’s known all about my contracts with women, even if I don’t discuss them with her outright.
“Well, with the dangers arising from this new conflict, I realize that it might be in Whitney’s best interest to let her contract expire and to let her move on with her life at the end of this year. She’s probably interested in finding someone closer to her age after graduation anyhow, and it would be safer for her if I let her go. Even after nearly a year of searching, I’m no closer to finding who is after my territory, and Whitney is only months away from graduating. Who knows if I’ll have found the men responsible by then?”
I hesitate, debating whether I should leave it at that.Isn’t that enough reason for Bianka to tell me I should let Whitney go?But I need to give my sister the full picture. Because it’s more than that now, and I’m starting to fear that if I wait until Whitney’s graduation, it might be too late.
“But something more is weighing on me. Any time I try to take a step back from her, to put distance between us, it feels like I’m stretching a rubber band, pulling it tighter and tighter. Eventually, it snaps back, and I’m right there by her side again, less in control of myself than I was the time before. I feel I might be losing my perspective when it comes to Whitney.” I rake my fingers through my hair as I implore Bianka to understand what I’m saying without making me say more.
Her gaze is steady, thoughtful, sympathetic, but she doesn’t offer a single word of relief as she waits for me to continue. So I push onward, my words rasping from me with the effort it takes to get them out.
“I wonder if it might not be best to just cut ties, to let her go now before it gets any harder. Men like me don’t get the luxury of love. It comes at too high a cost, and I’m only making things unnecessarily difficult by getting stuck on a girl who is probably looking forward to moving on anyway.” I can’t bring myself to tell Bianka what I saw in Whitney’s practice studio, the embrace she and her partner shared, the look of pure joy on her face as she smiled at him.
“Oh, Ilya,” my little sister breathes, and emotion brims in her eyes, making my heart squeeze painfully. “Your whole premise of men like you not getting to have love is utterly ridiculous. You, more than anyone I know, deserve someone who loves you. Beneath all your gruff exterior and macho-man bravado, you are such a wonderful, kind,goodman. And Whitney would be a complete idiot to not have fallen for you in the time you’ve been together. There’s not a single doubt in my mind that given the option, she would choose you over any other man–whatever your age difference might be.”
I’m not so sure of that, but I adore my sister for being confident in my goodness and thinking Whitney might possibly see me in the same way.
