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“How did you find this spot?” I asked her, confused by how she’d discovered it.
“You told me it was hidden from the world, and I wandered around for a while. Then I found the bench with your parents’ initials. I knew I landed in the right spot.”
My fingers traced over the initials slowly. I often wondered what emotions were in my parents’ hearts when they carved their names in wood.
“Were you up all night on your search engine?” I asked her.
“No,” she quickly stated. “That would be ridiculous.”
I arched my eyebrow.
She sighed. “Yes, I was.”
“Figured that would happen.”
She turned toward me and placed a hand on my leg. “Milo, you’re going to be okay. No matter what happens, we’ll figure out the best way of life for you.”
We.
She said it so effortlessly, as if she had no plans of going anywhere. If there was ever a moment in my life when I needed to hear the word we, it was right then and there.
I snickered a little and nodded. “Everything’s gonna work out fine,” I said, using the line she told me her father always used on her.
“Yes, exactly. Everything’s gonna work out fine.”
“I’m scared,” I confessed.
“That makes sense,” she replied. “I’m scared, too.”
I lowered my head and stared at my hands. “I don’t want to be an extra burden to your life, Starlet. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go researching or anything. I can do this on my own.”
“I know you can,” she agreed, “but that doesn’t mean you have to.”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” The words rolled off my tongue so effortlessly as if they were made solely for her ears to hear.
Her eyes glassed over before she leaned in toward me and rested her head against my shoulder. We sat there in the darkness, waiting for the sun to rise. We were quiet for a while until I said, “The doctor recommended I use a walking cane to keep me from running into stuff.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I’m not blind yet. People will look at me like I’m insane.”
“Since when does Milo Corti care what people think?”
I smirked. “Since he found out he’s going blind. I don’t think I need it. Not yet. It turns out it could take years before my vision fades completely.”
She sat straighter and tilted her head. “What scares you the most about it?”
“Currently, there are only two things, really. Not being able to see the sunrise and not being able to see you.”
She placed her hands against my face and pulled me in toward her. Her lips fell against mine, and she kissed me slowly. Her forehead fell against mine, and as she shut her eyes, she whispered, “I see you, Milo. Even with my eyes closed.”
I shut my stare and sighed. “I see you, too.”
We watched the sunrise together, and it felt extra intense that morning.
“Do you know my favorite thing about sunrises?” she asked me.
“What’s that?”
“Even when you can’t see the sunrise, you can still feel it. It’s still there for you. There’s a certain tingle in the air, like magic undulating in the atmosphere around you. The warmth of the sun hits your skin after being enclosed in nightfall for so long. Your skin can almost feel the sensations of each color.” She shut her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky. “The yellows, the oranges, the blues, and purples. It’s as if the sunrise is bursting all over you.”
Her eyes opened. She smiled as she turned my way and said, “You don’t have to see the sunrise to witness its beauty. You can feel it against your soul.”
I placed my forehead against hers and kissed her lips slowly. “You feel like the sun to me,” I whispered. She was the thing that kept me warm.
Her lips parted against mine as she spoke. “Can I come back to join you tomorrow?”
“And the day after that,” I told her. “And the day after that...”
And the day after that.
CHAPTER 25
Starlet
I got a C on my English paper the other day.
Mom would’ve been disappointed in me. The Starlet I’d been a few weeks ago would’ve also been disappointed in my current self. But lately, I felt disconnected from my education and former self. I’d been going back and forth in my mind wondering if my life choices were actually my own. Or was I trying to hold on to my mother’s legacy as much as possible? Was I trying to be a carbon copy of the woman I’d loved more than anything because I missed her so deeply? Was I dishonoring myself by trying so hard to honor her? Is that what she would’ve wanted for me? Would she have wanted me to lose myself in an attempt to try to find her?
