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I’d spent so much time online researching different specialty centers. Looking into clinical testing they had going on across the United States and reading every article on retinitis pigmentosa. Many individuals described retinitis pigmentosa as if they were looking through the hole of a straw. They only saw so much, with blackness all around them. So many things were adding up, like how he couldn’t see the stars when we were up north, how he’d run into things more often than not, and how he struggled with reading novels.
It wasn’t fair.
I hated that life wasn’t fair.
On a random Wednesday late morning, Whitney walked into our dorm room and arched an eyebrow as she saw me tossing on my winter coat. She glanced down at her watch. “Hey, what are you doing here? Aren’t you normally in class?”
“I’m skipping today,” I told her as I zipped up my jacket.
Her eyes narrowed. “Skipping? You’ve never skipped class. You literally went to your psych class when you had food poisoning last semester.”
Her words landed in my gut, and guilt began to spiral. She was right. I should’ve been in class.
I glanced at my vision board beside my floor-length mirror. I shook my head, took it down, and tossed it upside down on my desk. “Yeah, well, I’m not exactly the same Starlet I was last semester.”
“Star…” She walked over and placed a comforting hand on my arm. “What’s going on?”
I turned to meet her stare, and tears flooded my eyes. I shook my head. “I just need to get away. I just need…” My mom. I needed my mom. I felt so weak and lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and Mom wasn’t there to guide me. She’d been gone for years now. How was it possible that I still felt as if I needed her every single day?
I took a deep breath. “I think I’m going to go drive to Pewaukee for a hike.”
Whitney’s lips parted as she stood slightly stunned. “Is there anything I can do to help? Will you be okay driving up there? You seem upset.”
“I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
“I can come with you,” she offered.
“You have classes today.”
She gave me a small smile. “Unlike old you, I’m more than fine skipping a class or two.”
I let out a small chuckle and then cleared my throat. “Whitney?”
“Yeah?”
“If I told you I was still seeing Milo, what would you tell me to do?” I whispered. “And if I told you he was going blind and was struggling, what would you tell me to do?”
Her hand was still on my arm, the comfort still being delivered. “Depends. Do you want your hard, truthful best friend or your soft, truthful best friend?”
I quietly snickered as tears fell from my eyes. “I thought you only had the hard, truthful version.”
“That was until I saw how our last conversation went. Sometimes people don’t need harsh reality checks. Sometimes they need someone in their corner to be gentle with them. And I’ll always be in your corner, Star.”
“No matter what?”
“No matter what.” She lowered her head and chewed on her thumbnail. “He’s going blind?”
“Yes. He just found out.”
“Gosh. That’s hard. And you’re still falling in love with him?”
“I think I’m already there.”
“Like puppy love or real love?”
“Real-real.”
She smiled. It was a soft, timid smile, but it was there. “Okay then. Back to your question. If you told me you were still seeing Milo, what would I tell you to do…” She sighed and brushed her hand against her forehead. “I’d tell you to be careful with your heart but still let it lead you.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Whit.”
“Always. Besides”—she wiped my tears—“you were more than due for a nice plot twist to your life story. I think I was truly just in shock when you first told me. Plus, you, my friend, of all people, deserve to fall in love. Especially with a hot-hot guy.”
CHAPTER 26
Milo
When Mom got sick, we were given an unstable timeline of events. Some days moved slowly, and others sped past. For the most part, the good days were the ones that went by in a blink of an eye. The bad ones seemed to last forever. Watching her worsen day after day was the hardest part for me. There was nothing more heart-shattering than witnessing someone you love fading away.
The unknown was tough because some days she seemed like herself again. As if she was going to win her battle.
Finding out that I was losing my eyesight slightly reminded me of that same feeling. An unstable timeline of events. The problem with being diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa was it could be years before it worsens or days. There was no way to know how soon the progression of the loss of sight would develop. I didn’t know if I was being too ahead of the curve, thinking about using a walking cane. I didn’t know how much worse it could get. I didn’t know what limitations I should place against myself. I felt lost in a cloud of confusion, and scared there was a chance that one morning I’d wake up to a world of darkness. Or that one day, I’d blink and nothing would appear.
